Jaki Sabourin, Author at Jaki Sabourin

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3 Secrets To Emotionally Connect With Men | Engaged at Any Age

· June 11, 2019

Relationships always begin with a connection; but to get committed, you have to emotionally connect with your partner. How do you achieve that? Jaki shares the secrets to emotionally connect with a man, especially as you age. Learn some tips on how you can continue to turn yourself and your relationship up.

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Watch the episode here:

3 Secrets To Emotionally Connect With Men

I’m excited about connecting with you. We are talking about these secrets that you need to know so that you can emotionally connect with a man. When you make an emotional connection with a man, that’s how you get a commitment. It’s not until you emotionally connect that you can get a commitment from a man because they don’t make commitments over a sexual connection. You want to push for and look for and explore creating that emotional connection with a man. That’s exciting to do.

Keep It Sexy

The best way to connect to a man on an emotional level is to keep it sexy. Keeping it sexy means keeping light. Keeping it playful and keeping it fun. It’s important to not go to the end of the story and not to attach to an outcome. As soon as we start to attach to an outcome of how we want it to turn out, then we lose our place in the present. The present is where all our power is. You can’t be playful and fun and happy when you’re thinking about the past or worrying about the future. You have to make the moment sexy and fun for him. We all know men love sex. Women do too but men want it sexy. They want to feel alive, especially middle-aged men. They want to feel that they still have it going on.

A lot of the reason why men go through a midlife crisis is that they feel like they are not desirable to women anymore. They don’t feel that they got it or the women don’t look at them in the same way. That explains a lot of why I’m encouraging not necessarily to sexually objectify yourself, that’s not what I’m saying at all. It’s just that as we age, we tend to stop turning it up too because maybe our estrogen levels are dipping and we just don’t feel like it. If we want a man, you have to learn to emotionally connect with him and we all want to feel alive and men especially want too.

Here are some ways you can do that. Clean out your closet. Get rid of the old lady clothes. First of all, we can dress differently now as we age. You don’t have to start dressing a certain way as your grandmother did. You can personally dress like me. I’m 54, so I’m going to have a whole training about aging. I’m excited about dating in your 50s and beyond and if you should lie about your age and all of that. I’m excited to cover that topic. It’s not feeling like you have to stop dressing the way that you did when you were 40 and even 30. Our hemlines come down and maybe we’re wearing a long-sleeved shirt if you’re more comfortable with that, but I definitely think you need a great bra. You need to get those girls up and together and get them on the same page because they’re beautiful and you’re beautiful. Use your assets. Make sure that you’re dressing according to your look but that it’s hip, it’s fun and essential and it will turn the men on. When I had my online dating profile, I had a pink blouse, a pop of color because men love that. I had a pair of jeans on one of the pictures and I had a long-fitted dress on. I dressed more hip like I did when I was at 40. I haven’t changed that.

As soon as we start to attach an outcome of how we want our relationships to turn out, we lose our place in the present. Click To Tweet

In fact, I went through my closet and I noticed I started getting a little frumpy. I was like, “What’s happening to me?” That’s why I did the highlights on my hair. I was getting dark. I was like, “I’m going to go into this dark look, but it made me look older.” My daughter told me that. She said I looked like Elvira. I love Elvira but I don’t necessarily want to look like her. I want to look like me, only brighter. I did the highlights and it brightened up my look. I’m not saying you have to even go get a highlight but maybe consider it. Maybe you want to brighten up your look with a new look. You can get some new makeup or skin tone change. The time of year change. What you wore in the winter in terms of makeup and hair needs to change for the summer. Keeping it sexy is helpful.

As we get older, we want to have fun. We want to have a fun relationship. We want to smile and laugh more and men are looking for that especially if they’ve been married before. You all heard me say that but just a little reminder. Sometimes you need to be reminded of the simplest steps over and over again until we got it. That’s the secret number one to creating an emotional connection. It’s being fun and playful and throwing in a little sexiness. This shirt isn’t revealing anything, but it’s sexy in its own way. You can look at your wardrobe, clean out your closet and get up to speed with getting rid of everything that is frumpy. Only keep the things that you feel good at and just re-wear those. If it’s not in your spending plan to get some new clothes, just go through your closet and streamline it so that when you go to reach for something, only the best stuff is there.

Physical Touch

The next thing is physical touch. Physical touch is important to men. They want to put their hands on you. At the beginning of dating, that’s not necessarily appropriate. However, when you are dating, you can reach up and touch your man’s forearm. You can put your hand on their shoulder and even picking a piece of lint off his shirt is intimate. That is a very intimate gesture. Only women and men that are having a connection would do that. If you are sitting there with a man and he has a little piece of lint, you reach up and get that for him. That’s a very intimate act and it’s a physical connection. As you start dating, holding hands, putting your hand around his shoulder, his waist and seeking his hand out. If he’s not affectionate, then you can be affectionate. I love affectionate. My husband, what he does to me that I love is that he swats me on the butt quite a bit. I like that. It’s not a hard swat, but he gives me a little pat. It’s fun. Michael is very affectionate and so am I. We have a lot of fun playing and being very physical. Don’t be afraid to do that.

Emotionally Connect With Men: Consistently appreciate every little thing so that you don’t ever take them for granted.

Be Interested In His Interests

Play with his hair. When you’re on a date, get your hand back there. Men loved to have their scalp rubbed too. If I had my fingers in my husband’s scalp, he goes crazy for that. If you’re dating a man, give him a nice scalp massage. He will love that. Physical touch is important to create that emotional connection. Another secret is to be interested in his interests. Even if you’re not interested in those things, you can certainly be interested in them because he is. That’s what the interest level comes from. You’re like, “I never thought ice hockey was that big of a deal but my husband loves it. Now, I love ice hockey.” It’s fun to watch. It’s a little bit of a brutal sport. Sometimes I have to cover my face but that’s just me. I’m not saying you need to do what I’m doing. I’m just giving you real-world examples because they’ll help you connect.

Show Respect, Admiration, And Appreciation

If your guy is up in his head and he’s an engineer or maybe he’s a nerd and he likes to do certain things that come along with that, then go for that. “I want to know all about it,” because maybe there’s something there that you will find interesting. The fact that you showed interest in what he’s interested in, he starts to see you as an equation in his life. He starts to put you together in a future scenario with him. You might become interested in those topics because he is. That will be another way to create that emotional connection. That was already three things but I’m going to keep going because I have more here on my list. This is the big one. Show respect, admiration and appreciation. It sounds like this is all about the guys. I’m like, “Jaki, all you’re saying is all about the men.” You want to be in a committed relationship that leads to a commitment or marriage like what I wanted.

I’m willing to do and I was willing to do what it takes to have what I want and frankly, we all love compliments. We all love to be appreciated and noticed and witnessed. Start practicing that now on your date so that when you meet a man, it’s automatic. You are automatically doing that. I do it about every little thing that Michael does. I can’t overemphasize this enough. I’m like, “Thank you for the coffee. Thanks for taking out the trash. Thank you for picking up more limes. Thanks for picking up dinner. Thank you. It was so thoughtful of you. It’s so sweet of you. I appreciate that you did that. That means so much.” I lay it on because first of all, it’s coming from a sincere place. I am grateful and I do appreciate him, but it’s a habit that I trained myself to remember to consistently appreciate every little thing so that I don’t ever take it for granted. Just because I’m saying this in the beginning, it doesn’t mean a year later he doesn’t want to hear it. I want to stay married. The things that I’m teaching you is about getting into a relationship but there’s a high divorce rate. I want to get you in the relationship but I also want to keep you in the relationship. I don’t ever want you to be divorced. It’s a painful experience to go through.

Sometimes you need to be reminded of the simplest steps over and over again until you get it. Click To Tweet

Practicing appreciation and gratitude is going to keep you in that relationship. I consistently do it because it’s a habit. I want my husband to know how much I appreciate and love and respect him so I’m consistently using that tool to make sure he knows my level of commitment for him. In return, he gives so much to me. He thinks about what he can do for me, how he can make my life easier and how he includes me in the decision making. He always runs everything by me. It comes back to you tenfold. Gratitude is a powerful force. The more you think about, the more you bring about, the more appreciation and gratitude you’re showing for anything, you’re going to get that back. The more you do it, the more you get it back. It was invoking the Law of Least Effort. The more you do have what you want to be done, the easier it is to receive it back tenfold.

Surprises

Another thing that is good and it worked well with my relationship is surprises. As women, we are the one who likes surprises. We want to be surprised and that’s great but men love it too. Surprising your date. If you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks, I would recommend doing a little surprise like, “I have a little surprise for you.” He’s going to be like, “What is it?” You’re like, “If I tell you it’s not going to be a surprise.” It could be something simple. Maybe you made him his favorite dish and you bring it to him or maybe you picked up a book that he talked about. Maybe after dinner, you go for a drive and you show him something that you think that he would enjoy. Something that you thought out or maybe you’re getting him tickets to a sporting event that he wants to go to or a ticket to a concert. That’s after you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks. I don’t recommend giving gifts, but the surprises are always appreciated. Everybody loves a surprise because it means you put a lot of thought into doing something special for him. That’s how you continue to create an emotional connection, which leads to a commitment.

Give Him Freedom

The last tip I want to share with you is an important one. It’s giving him this freedom. Make sure he knows that he has plenty of freedom. People get freaked out when they get into a committed relationship and they start to go, “I’m not going to have any freedom.” The opposite is true. I have so much more freedom being in a committed relationship and being married because I don’t have to worry about dating anymore because that’s a time-consuming endeavor. I don’t have to go online. I don’t have to spend my time organizing who I spoke to and to be on my phone all the time, so I actually have more freedom. Also, I have the security of the commitment that we made together. I’m not talking about financial. I’m talking about that security based on the highest form of integrity, of honesty and truth that we’re made to each other. That we’re going to be there for each other and I can relax into that. When I can relax into that, Michael has all the freedom he wants. It’s not up to me to give or take it away. He’s a free person.

Emotionally Connect With Men: You can get into a relationship but not necessarily stay in it.

Getting married doesn’t limit you and make you do a certain thing, not if you set it up right in the beginning. I was clear from the beginning. I was saying things like, “Go with your friends. That would be great. You should go. You should do it.” I’ll give you an example. One day, it was father’s day and his children were not with him. That was when he was spending more time with his children when they were younger. He had that day without his children and I was thinking I’m going to do something nice for him. I’m going to make him brunch. I went to the store and I got a bunch of things for lox and bagels, but he had a different plan. I didn’t tell him that I was going to surprise him. He called me up and he said, “I’m going a 45-mile road biking ride with his best friend.” I’d already made all of this. I had set it all up and I was going to surprise him. I printed out a Father’s Day card with a picture of him and his kids on it from my printer, but I went with the flow because I’m in my feminine energy. I was like, “That sounds a great day.” Inside I was disappointed but I said, “You go and have a great time. That’s going to be awesome. Take a picture when you guys are out.”

The next thing I know is I hear somebody outside my door, he’s outside on his bike with his best friend. They were calling out to me. I came outside and took a picture of them together and I wished him a good ride. They rode off and they had a great day. What he wanted to do with his day is spend it with his friend. I didn’t take it personally. I went inside and I ate my lox and bagels with my kids. That’s what I mean about freedom. I didn’t even show any sign of that because he has a right to make plans and have his own life and his own interest and I want to support those. I guess that was plan B. Make sure you’re relaxed in things if he springs it on you, “My friends are all getting together tonight after work. I want to go.” You should say, “You should go. It’s going to be great. You go and have a good time. I’ll catch up with you later.” He’ll feel safe knowing that you are not going to freak out and try to clamp down on his time. He’s going to want to spend more time with you because you’re so easy going. That’s an important thing for men.

One of the biggest reasons why men resist commitment is because they sense on some level that you’re going to try to monopolize their time. What happens is if you make sure that they know and that you’re not going to interfere with the things they want to do and in fact, you’re going to encourage it and support it. All of a sudden they’re like, “I’d rather be with her. She’s so easy going and then if something does come up, I can always rearrange our schedule and I can go do something with my friends.” For example, my husband has his monthly meeting that he does with him and his business partners. They have a couple of drinks and they have appetizers. They talk about business and I’m like, “I’m going to make plans and go do my thing. Have fun and I’ll talk to you when you get home tomorrow or later.” I want him to feel that he can do whatever he wants as long as he comes home to me and he does. That’s the point. I’ve covered quite a bit and I’m just wondering if any of you have any questions.

Gratitude is a powerful force. The more you think about, the more you bring about. Click To Tweet

Thank you so much. I want to also share with you that I just opened the doors to my annual Engaged at Any Age Program. It’s a nine-month private/group coaching program. It’s the only way that you’re going to get to work with me. I do it once a year and I’ve already enrolled many women into it so I have a limited amount of seats. The program used to be a year but I changed it to nine months because I’m getting women to the finish line in nine months or less because I have this formula that works. What you need is a structure. You need a container to hold that space. You need the support. You need accountability and what’s important is you need the environment. The environment is where you can grow and foster change. If you’re not in the right environment and if you’re not surrounding yourself by the right people who have the right strategies that can teach you the skills that you need, that not only get you into a relationship but keep you happily married ever after, you can get into a relationship but you’re not going to stay in it.

It is an investment but either way, you’re going to pay. You’re going to pay if you stay single another month or you’re going to have to pay to invest in yourself so you can scale up in these areas and become as wise as I am. You’re complimenting me here, saying lovely things and I appreciate it but I want that for you. I want you to outgrow me. I want you to have these skills so you can apply them in your life so that you can see that ripple effect that affects your children, your friendships, and all of your relationships. Your life is going to expand in so many ways. It’s just not one thing that happens when you get engaged or get in a committed relationship. It affects your social circles. You get new friends, friends of your husbands or your partners. They become your best friends. You get new friends. Your social life takes off in a different way.

Now, you have someone to go to all these events that you’ve been wanting to go to or maybe you don’t want to go to events. You have someone to do things with, somebody to witness your life and somebody to have your back and you’ll have their back. You’re also going to have combined resources. Your resources now are more enhanced. When you’re in love and you have love in your life, so much abundance can come to you. If you invest in yourself, you get that back so quickly. I just look at where I was years ago and where I am now, the growth has been exponential. Every year, I double and double my business and my husband too. We’re both booming and people say, “There’s just something about you.” We have so much love. We’re still so in love. All these pillars that I’m explaining to you are enhanced in every area in my life. My home, my social and my family has been in large with his family. The traveling and the combined resources, it’s incredible. The best investment you’ll ever make is the investment you make in yourself. Make sure you do that because either way, you’re going to pay. I will see you all here in the group. Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel so you don’t miss an episode. Thank you for being here and I’m just sending you so much love.

Important Links:

Engaged at Any Age Program
YouTube Channel – Engaged at Any Age

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Categories : Episodes

Tags : Affection, Commitment, dating, Emotionally Connect, Men, relationship

5 Things That Turn Men On | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· June 4, 2019

· No Comments

When you think that you’ve found the right man that you’re into, you may find yourself looking for ways to keep him turned on and by your side. There are actually ways that you can do that. Jaki shares her five tips for keeping your man turned on.

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Watch the episode here:

5 Things That Turn Men On

I’m going to teach you about the five things that turn a man on. I love talking about this. This is so powerful. The first thing that turns a man on is you being happy. That’s what turns a man on. His happiness is based on your happiness. If a man doesn’t feel that he can make you happy, then he’s technically be turned on by you. When you’re happy, a man is turned on by that. It creates a ripple effect and it makes him happy because he’s here to make you happy. The key to his happiness is your happiness so make sure that you’re doing the things that you need to do to keep yourself in that happy place in your life.

Feeling your feelings, releasing your feelings, holding your boundaries and speaking up when you need to. Everything that you need to do to be authentic and genuine in your relationship is going to make you happy. When you’re in a great relationship, you can expand and just relax in life. When you’re relaxed in life, you’re already naturally happy. Make sure that your happiness is a priority. When you’re happy, your man’s happy and it turns him on. How you’re going to attract a man by being a happy woman. The second thing that turns the men on is you have to be interested in his passion. Get into his passions. You have to show interest because when you bond with him over what he’s interested in, he sees you as a part of that equation. Whether it’s sports, whether it’s travel, whether it’s wine, whether it’s cooking, whether it’s gardening. Anything that he’s interested in like writing or movies, you want to show interest. This is obvious but I’d like to get into it because it turns a man to notice that you’re paying attention to what’s important to him because that shows a sign of respect. You respect what’s important to him. It’s going to create a bond between the two of you and then you’re going to become closer and closer.

Start to learn about the things that he's passionate about and watch your relationship grow. Click To Tweet

I know if you’re following me, you want to be in a committed relationship or married this year. Show interest and get excited about it because it’s what makes him who he is. Start to learn about the things that he’s passionate about and watch your relationship grow. Watch his attraction for you grow much faster. The third thing is to initiate intimacy. This is after you’ve decided that you’re exclusive and you’re working on a future together. You’ve had those conversations. Go ahead and initiate that intimacy. Men love this and it turns them on when you’re hugging them and you whisper something in his ear like, “Maybe when we get home tonight.” Maybe you have a special candle that you get for him or you have a pretty little outfit you’re going to share with him. Whenever you initiate a sexual intimacy or physical intimacy, men really love it. It turns them on. A lot of men complain about women not initiating and wanting the men to take charge in all cases. When the woman does, that excites them. If you want to reel him in and if you want to have a committed, juicy and deep relationship, then you want to be initiating as much as he is. We all like to be the one that’s being pursued and men love it.

Number four, appreciate and validate him. This is so important. Men love appreciation. They love to be validated. What does validation mean? It means giving value. Give value to him by noticing and respecting him and appreciating him because men crave this and they will never ask for it. They’re not going to say, “Excuse me, would you please show more respect and appreciation for the things that I do for you?” They don’t say that. Just notice the things they do. Thank him for opening your car door. Thank him for dinner and tell him how much you appreciate it. Admire the work that he does. Ask him for help and then make sure you lavish him with your compliments and praise.

Men do thrive on this because it lets them know that they’re doing a good job and they’re making you happy. If his happiness is your happiness and vice versa, then you need to lay this on thick. Life can be hard. When we don’t hear from the person that we’re dating that we’re appreciated, it starts to affect us. If you reverse it and a man doesn’t give you compliments a lot and you’re like, “I just dressed up and spent all this time and energy to look fabulous for him. He hasn’t even been noticed.” Maybe he noticed but he never said anything. It’s reverse psychology. You’ve got to use this on men because they love it. He’s just going to continue to see you as the one which is what you want him to see you because you notice and appreciate him.

Things That Turn Men On: Men are totally afraid that they’re going to lose their freedom in a relationship.

This is a big one for women. I don’t think they realize how important this is, but you want to encourage him to do things that he wants to do. Men are totally afraid that they’re going to lose their freedom in a relationship. If you establish right up front that you’re not there to take away his freedom, you’re there to support him in all the things that he wants to do knowing that he has you to come home too. You need to call after he’s done. Men that go off and do things with their guy friends, they’re thinking about you. They’re talking about you especially when you make it okay. Women that are jealous or controlling, that is a deal-breaker for men. They don’t want to commit to a woman who they feel is going to take their freedom away. That’s a huge fear for men.

Encourage him to do the things that he wants to do and what he’s going to do is fall more in love with you than he already is. Don’t be clingy. Don’t be needy. Go make plans with your girlfriends. Encourage him to make plans with his guy friends so that you can have this time apart. Then what happens is it creates a lot more intimacy when you’re together because it gives you an opportunity to expand as an individual. When you come back together, you have something interesting to talk about. You have more closeness because you had that trust. Give them a long leash. You’re not trying to control your men. Men hate that and it’s the fastest way to turn him off. This is all about how to turn your man on because you want a commitment and you want to keep him turned on in your relationship. I love giving my husband freedom. When I met Michael, I was very clear with him. You have all the freedom you need. He likes to ride his street bike. I love that he does that. I’m frankly turned on to see him on his bike and cruising around with his friend.

Trust is the cornerstone of a relationship. Click To Tweet

I enjoy watching him watch sports. I love the things that he does and I’m interested in those things because he’s passionate about them. It helps our relationship so much to be okay with him doing things on his own. I don’t have any problem with that. I think it’s fabulous because I have my own life too and I want my time to myself as well. We have tons of freedom in our relationship and that’s all based on trust and trust is the cornerstone of a relationship. Follow these five tips. It turns a man on and it will get you closer to a committed relationship and hopefully engaged by the end of the year.

My freebie is I want you to go to SoulmateIQ.com and take my Soulmate Assessment. This is going to tell you what frequency you’re vibrating at and how close you are to attracting your soulmate. I’m going to send you your results and then a feminine exercise. It’s related to the frequency you’re vibrating at so you can get further into alignment and fast track your ability to manifest your soulmate. I’m all about fast-tracking. It doesn’t need to take as much time as you think it does. If you follow these tips and you start paying attention to what I’m teaching you, I know that I can help you get to the finish line because I want you to be a finisher. I want you to be in an amazing relationship like I am. I hope this was helpful and I’m just sending you a ton of love.

Important Links:

SoulmateIQ.com

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Categories : Episodes

Tags : appreciation, intimacy, relationships, trust, turning men on, validation

Stop Chasing Men And Have Them Chase You! | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· May 28, 2019

· No Comments

Nothing is more thrilling in life than having a man chase you. It can be exciting, fun, mysterious, and scary. It just gets all the juices flowing. You definitely want to give a man a good chase for his money because men want to win. They want to win and they want to win you, and you can’t make it too easy for them because they’ll lose interest and find somebody else. Jaki shares some real-life skills that you need to learn and understand so you can stop chasing men and have them chase you instead.

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Watch the episode here:

Stop Chasing Men And Have Them Chase You!

I’m creating these series for you to support you to calling in your soul mate. This is my favorite topic. I say that about everything I talk about, but I love this topic, how to stop chasing men and have them chasing you. Nothing is more thrilling in life than having a man chase you. It can be exciting, fun, mysterious, and scary. It just gets all the juices flowing, that’s for sure. You definitely want to give a man a good chase for his money because men want to win. They want to win and they want to win you, and you can’t make it too easy for them because then they’ll lose interest and they’ll find somebody else who will. It’s not a game. Nothing that I teach or the strategies that I talk about are games. These are real-life skills that you need to learn and understand how men aren’t much different than we are. If we cultivate our own feminine qualities in ourselves, then we can show up in a way that is a compliment to the man and that’s what he is looking for. He’s looking for that compliment.

Engage Them A Little Bit

I want to start off with a story. I’ll tell you about one of my clients and this is a great story. You’re going to love it. She was just newly divorced. Literally, the divorce papers came and she was very distraught and she had called me up and said, “I want to do a VIP weekend.” It was snowing and it was ski season and I knew that she skied and I said, “Why don’t we go up to Mammoth for a ski weekend so that I can support you?” I did that. I flew into where she was. We drove up to Mammoth and had a weekend skiing. She was newly single and I was her wing woman. We went out to a bar that night and it was packed full of men. The mountain was full. There were men everywhere and a couple of men came right up to us and started talking to both of us. This one man was interested in her. He was talking to her. I had already coached her on what to do. She was talking to him, but then what I told her to do is go ahead and engage them a little bit, but make sure you turn back and talk to me. Don’t just keep talking to him because that’s what she used to do.

She did that. She was talking to him. Then she turned her back and started talking to me. What happened was in that moment he started talking to his friend, but he was also looking over at us. What I want you to know here, if you’re out in a social setting, this can help. It’s okay to approach men or be approached by men. That’s okay, but you don’t want to overly engage them. This little strategy is if they come up to you or you go up to them, that’s okay. You can say, “I noticed that you guys came in with that big group. Are you here as a part of the convention?” or whatever is applicable. Then after you get a little connected, then you turn back to your friend and you re-engage her. What this does is it creates a little tension because you connected and then you did a takeaway, now you disconnect.

The way to really know if a man is interested in you is to see how much he pursues you. Click To Tweet

What this does and why this is important for you to know is that at that moment, this man now feels that disconnect. He feels that takeaway and men do not like that. They want to win. You just created a little challenge for him to re-engage you. If he doesn’t reengage you, then he’s either intimidated or he’s not interested or you didn’t give them enough of the signal. You definitely want to give them enough of a conversation where you talk a little bit and then turn back to your friend. This is what she did. She did it perfectly. She turned back to me, we were talking and then they re-engaged us. Then I knew it was game on. I knew the tension was gone. They were interested. They engaged us. They asked us to join them for dinner and it was snowing out. We went and sat down and had a little bite to eat with them. The long story short, by the end of the weekend, this man was smitten with my friend. I remember on the way driving back home, he was calling her cell phone and I said, “Don’t get the phone.”

She’s like, “What do you mean? I need to answer this phone. I like him. I want to see him again.” He lived in the same city that she did. I said, “That’s the whole thing. If you want to see him again, don’t answer the phone.” She was dying. She was like, “I have to answer this.” I’m like, “Don’t do it. You’ll kill the deal,” so she didn’t answer the phone. She’s like, “I just can’t believe anybody would do this.” I’m like, “That’s why I’m your coach.” Sure enough, it was a two-and-a-half-hour drive. By the time we got home, there was a voicemail from him saying that he wanted to talk with her. That he was going on a trip. He wants her to go with him. He had all these plans for her. That created a lot of tension.

The fact that she didn’t take his call, she was busy in the car with me and then she listened to the voicemail. The tension was on because not only did she not take the call, she didn’t call him back for several hours. Then she did return his call later that night and they had a great conversation. They ended up dating for about a year. It was good that she was following the coaching because what she wanted to do was engage them. She’s like, “These guys talk like us. Let’s continue to talk to them.” She would have made all those mistakes that maybe you’ve made in the past. I hope that little insight helps when you’re out and about. If you want to engage a man, follow that little tip.

Stop Chasing Men: The key is to stay in a receiving mode. Lean back and let him come to you.

Some Things You Could Be Doing Without Even Realizing You’re Chasing Men

Some things that are not so subtle is when we’re chasing men, you might say, “I don’t chase men.” I might say, “I think you do.” Here are some things that are subtler that you could be doing without even realizing that you’re chasing men. If you’re out on a date or you work with somebody, you may offer to do something for him. You’re out on a date. Things are going well, you’re having a great conversation. He’s interested in knowing more about this meditation or a hobby that you have that is intriguing to him. You might say, “I’d be happy to send you the link for that or send you that information.” That is chasing right there. You just took the tension off. You’re now setting up to do something for him. You’re providing something for him. You’d taken away his job. He is the provider. At that moment, he wants to provide for you/ By you offering to do something for him, you’ve made it so that he can’t win. That’s a subtle thing that women do to chase men. It pushes men away. They don’t need you to send them a link. They’re interested because you’re passionate about it, not necessarily that they want to want to do it as well. That’s a big mistake that women make that think that they’re not chasing men.

Another thing that you can do that’s very subtle that doesn’t feel like chasing is unintentionally and accidentally inviting yourself to do things with him. Say you’re on a date again or you’re on the phone. This could happen on the phone easily. He’s talking about how much he loves sports and he’s going to the Padres game and you’re just in conversation. You’re not even aware that this comes out of your mouth. You might say, “I would love to go to the Padres game.” You’re chasing. He’s backing up now because now you’re chasing him. That’s the thing with backing up. There’s body language. When you lean in like that, he backs up. The key is to stay in this receiving mode that I’ve been talking about, leaning back, and letting him come to you. The answer to that question, if he’s talking about this game and he loves sports and he’s going on about the Padres or whatever, you say, “I love how passionate you are about sports. That is amazing. That’s interesting to me.” That’s it. You just show interest in it and then leave that question mark hanging there. You gave him a green light to ask you to go to a Padres game without inviting yourself. That’s how you get invited.

Another way that’s not so obvious is overstaying phone calls, texts, and in person. I have another client that made this fatal error and you might’ve done it yourself and I know we’ve all made these mistakes. She was asked out. It was the first date. It went extremely well. They went to a beautiful restaurant overlooking the ocean. It was a wonderful date with him at the restaurant and she was excited. She got home and emailed me and said, “I had such a fantastic time. He’s incredible.” Guess what? He didn’t call her back. As soon as she told me that she had spent five or six hours at this restaurant and they had an amazing time, 85% of me was saying he’s not going to call her back. Why didn’t he call her back if they had such an amazing time? He was having a good time and they connected. It’s because she was just too available. She had no place to go so she just stayed with him all day. Her stock went down at that moment. You had like all this stock when you show up in the date and increment by increment, your stock is dropping by your behavior and you unintentionally sabotage yourself because you don’t know this.

The big mistake that women make is not engaging in those instant messages in a more intimate way. Click To Tweet

Why Women Don’t Get Asked Out On Second Dates

What would have been a better scenario for her? Even if she was enjoying herself and he’s an amazing man is after two and a half hours, if it was amazing, after that say, “It’s been lovely. I’ve enjoyed this time. Thank you for the wonderful meal and I’ve got to get running. It was great. I’d love to do it again.” You’re letting him know that if he asks you out again, you would say yes. Then you get up and you leave and you let him watch you leave if it’s appropriate. Sometimes they’ll walk you to the door, walk you to the car and walk out to the valet. If you do walk out together and you’re going to the valet, even these little things, men pick up on all these little things. When your car comes, you just wave to him. “Bye. Thanks,” and you hop in your car and you don’t look back and you drive away. You need to keep the tension on. You need to keep him guessing just a little.

You’ve made it clear during the course of your time with him that you’re interested in him by your whole demeanor. By just getting in your car and driving away and not looking back, you’re keeping that tension on. Now, he’s interested in seeing you again. He’s excited about you because you remained a little bit mysterious. He wonders where you’re going and what you’re doing at that moment, but if you overstay on those dates or in phone conversations, you’ve answered so many questions for him. He loses interest. You’ve told them the whole story. There’s no reason to ask you out on a second date. It’s probably one of the biggest reasons that women don’t get asked out on second dates. There’s another reason why you don’t get asked on second dates and that’s because you lack boundaries. Boundaries are gold. They are gold and they’re hot. Men love a woman with healthy boundaries and it means having a little bit of sass. It doesn’t mean being cocky. That’s too strong of a word, but it’s being a little sassy.

Where that’s sass can come from? It’s from you knowing what you like and what you don’t like and not settling for doing something that you don’t want to do. In other words, it’s not being a yes woman, saying yes to everything. If you’re sitting there on a date and you’re saying, “Yes, that’s great. Yes, I agree with that. Sure. That’s fine. Order that”, yes to everything, he’s over there yawning. He can’t wait to get out of there. It’s boring and you’re not showing any individuality. You want to be agreeable. You think you’re being nice, but where you’re doing is shutting him down because he wants to know what your feelings are about things he’s interested in you.

Stop Chasing Men: Give him the opportunity to like you. Don’t close the gap too soon that you’re not leaving any tension.

For example, you go into a restaurant and maybe he’s waiting there for you and he’s sitting at a table, but you noticed that there’s a booth available. I’ve done this before and you’d rather sit in the booth. It’s okay to go up and greet him, do your greeting and then say to him, “It’s kind of loud in here.” You can lean in a little and say, “If we moved over to that booth, do you think that would be okay?” At that moment, he gets to win. He gets to go out and find out if that booth is available and get that booth for you and if it is available, he’s going to get that booth for you. He just won and he’s your hero now and now you’re in the booth. You’re like, “This is much better. I can hear you so much better. Thank you so much.” It’s okay to do that. What’s not okay is to walk in and be like, “I don’t want to sit here. It’s not very comfortable,” and start complaining about it.

You want to involve him into your vision in a gentle way, but you can certainly redirect that table. That’s having a little confidence. It’s having a little sass. It’s definitely working on your boundaries and not being afraid to share your opinions. Stay away from politics and religion on dates. Let me give you some other examples. If you want a man to chase you, there are certain qualities that a woman possessed that all men find irresistible. They’re naturally going to chase you if you can cultivate these qualities in yourself. You already have all of these qualities. They’re just muscles that have atrophied because you haven’t been using them and maybe it’s because you’ve been spending too much time in your masculine energy and maybe it’s because you just haven’t practiced enough. It does work and it’s a more natural way for men and women to connect.

Lean Back Like A Queen On A Throne

I was saying just lean back. What we’re doing is we’re creating a space of love for a man to come into. Men love to come into a woman’s space of love, but you have to stay in that space because once you lean forward or try to take the lead, there’s no space because that blocks him from coming in. What that looks like is just leaning back in your chair with your body language, not leaning forward in the conversation. You could sit up and be animated like I am, but make sure that for the most part, your posture is relaxed and you’re leaning back and you’re smiling and it’s just being graceful. It’s having a grace about you. It’s showing qualities of unconditional love and acceptance. A man is looking for a woman who’s accepting especially with him. Men can tell when we’re judging. Say the guy shows up and he’s shorter than you thought he was going to be, or he has less hair or whatever is going on. It wasn’t something that you were prepared for. A woman who’s in her feminine energy is going to roll with that. It’s not going to bother her at all. She’s going to look at him and accept him because he’s another human being and you want to focus on the being, not necessarily the behaviors. You’re looking to show up in a more accepting way, a more loved-based approach to everything, leaning back and showing your intelligence, not leading with your intellect but you’re not dimming that light at all.

All of your mistakes in life have been lessons. If you learn from them, that can be the short path. Click To Tweet

It’s like a queen that sits on a throne. She’s gentle, she’s kind, and she’s empathetic. She’s listening. She’s a skilled communicator. It’s just a building up that inner queen that we all have in us. You just have to practice this by going on dates. I know a lot of women say, “I don’t want to do any practice dates,” but these men are willing to show up and give you the opportunity to practice on them. What if you make a couple of mistakes the first time? As soon as you notice you’re taking over, you can just lean back. I would recommend going on a couple of practice dates and practicing that skill. I do have a couple of questions that I wanted to answer. The first question is playing games. She said, “I hate playing games, but I feel like because I’m strong, confident, and know my own mind, I come on too strong. I’ve been told to let the guy do the chasing, play hard to get, but if I know what and who I want, I go for it and then scare them off. I need a better approach with guys that I’m interested in.” We already covered that. You do need a better approach because what you’re doing isn’t working. Men want to engage you. They want to do the chasing.

If you know you like a man, all the better. It isn’t a game, but if you like him, now you have to see if he likes you. That’s the thing. To answer this question, the problem is that you’re not giving him the opportunity to like you because you’re closing the gap too soon. You’re not leaving any tension. If you decide you like a guy, then you go for it. He hasn’t made up his mind if he likes you or not, and then you’re pursuing him and I can see why that would be a dead end for you. You’re definitely leading with that pursuit energy. If you like a guy, that’s great. Lean back and see what he does because, in that moment of watching in the unknown, I know it’s uncomfortable because you’re out of your comfort zone and you feel vulnerable. In those moments, you will discover how he feels about you. That is the information that you need to know. You need to know how he feels about you, but you’re not going to find out if you pursue him because he’s going to run away. You’ll never know.

How To Know If He’s Interested In You

The way to know if a man is interested in you is to see how much he pursues you. Just like my client who turned away and then didn’t answer the call, these are all tests to see how interested he was. Men respond to no contact. I know that sounds crazy, but at the beginning of dating, you need to know right up front because I don’t want you to waste any time because I want you to get engaged at any age and time is precious. You need to know right up front where he stands. He will reveal who he is in the very first couple of hours, a couple of days right away if you give him that opportunity. What happens with women is we get afraid that we’re going to lose them or they’re going to get away. As soon as we think that they like us, then our impulse kicks in and now we’re leaning forward and we’re chasing and that’s how we sabotage it.

Stop Chasing Men: If you’re serious about having a committed relationship, make that internal commitment to yourself to not have casual sex because you’re choosing something bigger for yourself.

Even if a guy starts out liking you, just like the woman at brunch, by the end of the day, she sabotaged the whole process because she had him on the hook, but then she left too much line. She didn’t create that tension so that she can reel him in. It’s an art. It’s a skill set that you can teach yourself, but you have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone to do it. You have to be willing to do things that you haven’t done before in order for you to have what you want. Let’s look at another question. “If I’m messaging someone on Match, is it too forward for me to ask him to meet if he seems to just want to message?” “No.” In modern dating, it’s wonderful for you to tee it up. You’re not on a date. It’s totally acceptable, especially online to go ahead and say something because you don’t want to be in an instant message relationship. You don’t want an email or text relationship. What that would look like is if you notice something in his profile. He said, “I like walking on the beach as well.” You go share a couple of intimate details. If you want him to call you, the part about that instant message, it’s important that you reveal more intimacy so that he’s intrigued.

If he says, “I’ve been to the beach,” you’re instant messaging. He writes about himself, he’s been to this beach and he loves the sunset. I want you to write back, “I love the beach because I love to put my feet in the sand and I love the way that feels. It relaxes me.” At that moment it just gives me the feeling that everything in life is okay. At that moment, everything just seemed to gel for me. If you could just get real with him in an instant message and get more descriptive, paint a vision of what you’re like and the essence of who you are, he’s going to be very captivated by that. He might respond one more time, three back and forth, and then you can say, “I’d love to hear more about that. How do you suggest we move forward?” You just pass the ball over to him. You’re not asking them out, but you’re indirectly letting him know that you’d like to talk to him. Now, it’s up to him to respond to you. If he does not say, “Let’s jump on the phone,” you walk away. You just move on to the next one because you’ve put it all in his court and you’ve done it in a graceful way.

You only need the one and the right man. Click To Tweet

It’s not taking the masculine but you’re not on there to have an instant message relationship. You need to create the boundary that this is all you’re going to get. Create that intimacy. The tension is you need to call me now and set it up and then he’s going to get on the phone with you. Was that helpful? That’s confusing for women. The big mistake that women make is not engaging in those instant messages in a more intimate way. I’m not talking sexually. Be very careful here. Playful, sassy, and more intimate in terms of the details. How you’re feeling. Describe it. Describe food you like or why you like it and how it makes you feel and what turns you on. I’m not talking about sexual. I’m just talking about what lights you up, what you’re passionate about. Let that spill over to those instant messages that he’ll be intrigued by you that he’ll want to meet you.

Instant Gratification Versus The Law Of Germination

Let’s take one more question. “I find that intimacy develops too soon and that it’s a huge factor in my chasing a guy. He often backs off and become disinterested while I’m emotionally hooked. Often, a long time ago after a relationship ended, I’m still getting over an ex from a year ago. Even though I know it’s over, whenever I run into him, I still look to see if he misses me. I’m trying to detach, but it’s hard. Chasing stops when a woman is not interested. It’s hard to do when sex has already happened between them.” Absolutely it is because men don’t bond sexually when they have sex with a woman, but women do. That chemical bonding happens when we have sex with a man. That’s why I recommend, if you’re serious about having a committed relationship, then it’s time for you to make that internal commitment to yourself to not have casual sex because you’re choosing something bigger for yourself. It’s foregoing the instant gratification and invoking the law of germination. You’ve got to plant that seed and give it time to grow.

You need to abstain from that initially when you’re dating so that you can see the signals that he’s sending you because you’re giving her a lot of information before you sleep with him. The moment you sleep with him, you go unconscious, you don’t see the signals. You don’t see the flag flying because now you’ve emotionally bonded. It’s a whole different playing field. In her case, she never let him go because she doesn’t believe this is a belief that she’s going to meet anybody else. It comes down to your belief system. You have to look and see, “Because I don’t let go of this man, what do I do?” You look at all the consequences that are stacking up for not letting go. It’s anchored to a belief that somewhere along the line you picked up a belief that you’re not going to meet anybody else and you need to examine that. Stop that belief from continuing to perpetuate itself in your life. Because as long as you don’t release yourself from that belief system, you’re continuing to attract men by the law of attraction to highlight, to trigger that belief so that you can heal it.

That’s why we continue to attract men that aren’t emotionally available, that aren’t going to commit to us because it’s doing that in an attempt to get us to heal that belief system that’s not serving us. What we think is it all men are cheaters. All men leave, all men abandon us, but it’s the reflection of what we believe. This is exactly what I’m going to be teaching in my Bridge to Love Program. You need to get to the core, the root, or the origin of the problem. It is the short path to meeting your soul mate. It’s not the long path. The long path is going to continue to do what you’ve done and get the same result. That’s the long path. The long path that is also for you to look at your mistakes as mistakes. All of your mistakes in life have been lessons. If you learn from them, that can be the short path. Just give yourself a break right now. If you’re listening to this and you recognize that you’ve made some mistakes because when you beat yourself up about these mistakes, it drains your energy and you need that energy.

You need that energy because you need to unconditionally love and accept yourself more than you ever have before in this dating process because the more you love and accept yourself, the more a man will. As soon as you make a mistake, I want you to quickly forgive yourself, accept yourself, and move on. Do not let your mind beat you up because it’s a waste of time that drains energy and it and it will continue to perpetuate the cycle until you learn to stop doing that. This is all that I’m teaching you in the Bridge to Love program. There are incredible bonuses. We’ve got five weeks of jam-packed tools and information. I’m going to help you to take all of the knowledge that you’ve learned. The big problem I see with women is there are amazing women. You’re all are deep. You’ve read every book. You’ve watched every events, these interviews and you’ve done a lot of work. What can happen is you have a lot of intellectual knowledge, but without being able to apply that knowledge, it’s useless. Knowledge without action is useless. I’m all about the action. I’m an Aries, I’m a dragon, and I’ve always been about the action.

I love to take action. It’s easy for me because this part comes naturally for me and that’s why I’m the perfect mentor for you. I want you to just look at that. Think about what I’ve just said. Intellectual knowledge is useless unless you take action. This course is all about helping you to finally use all the information that you’ve gathered over the years. Some incredible wisdom that you have and help you to start to apply it in your life so that you can see the results you want. It’s instantaneous. This is called the fast track program. It is. That’s what I should have called it because I don’t want you to waste another moment going on dates that aren’t producing a relationship. I don’t want to spend any more time swiping or any more time sending out notes. There is a Law of Least Effort that you can invoke right now, and that’s learning these life skills. They’re universal laws of the universe. It’s like gravity. Gravity applies to all of us. If you step off the floor of the second building, we’re all going down.

The Law Of Cause And Effect

The Law of Cause and Effect, you reap what you sow. These Universal Laws, you need to understand what they are because they apply to you. Even if you don’t believe it, then you’re right, but they still apply to you. If you don’t believe in karma, karma still believes in you because it’s science. It’s energy. Likes attract likes. Whatever energy you’re vibrating out, “I’m never going to need a man. All men are jerks,” whatever that energy is, you’re going to be attracting those men in order to confirm that you’re right. There are no good men out there. All men are jerks. Once you heal that part of you, those belief systems, you raise your vibration. You raise your stock. You show up as a sassy queen who knows her worth and knows how to lean back because she trusts that the man is going to come to her. If he doesn’t, then he’s not your guy.

Believe me, you only need one and the right man and you may have been on this treadmill for years and I do not want you to give up because the right man will come along and you won’t have to guess. He will scoop you up so fast as soon as you can stay in the receiving position because that’s what he wants. What comes with the receiving position? What comes with that position is all this incredible juiciness, a lovely essence of who you are. That’s what a man wants to connect with. He doesn’t need to connect to your intellect. He wants to connect to your heart and that’s where he wants to live and he’s out there in the world slaying the dragons. You’ve got to stay in your castle and be the queen so he can be your hero. I know that sounds airy-fairy, but it is simple. It is a skill set that you need to learn and I’m just the girl to teach you.

I hope you’ll take a look at the Bridge to Love. You’ve got an amazing group of team of love coaches that are dying to help you, to guide you and to see you get exactly what you want and get engaged at any age. I worked with women in their 50s, 60s, or 70s. We never stopped wanting love in our life. That yearning is never going to go away. Take the plunge, take the chance, and step out of your comfort zone. The energy of commitment is what you need right now. When you make a commitment to do something, the universe will rise up to meet you. The energy of committing to doing this work with me is making a statement. You’re making a declaration that I’m ready and I’m going to do whatever it takes so that I can have what I want. I hope this was helpful. Don’t chase men. Ladies, you’re all so amazing. Your value cannot be quantified in jobs, in degrees, in titles, and in material possessions. Your value resides in you knowing who you are and when you understand that, you become powerful beyond belief and you will become irresistible. Thank you so much.

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Categories : Attraction, Beliefs, Confidence, Create the Life You Want, Episodes, Relationships

Tags : committed relationship, connection, dating, engagement, intimacy, stop chasing men

Dating Advice On How To Stop Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· May 14, 2019

· No Comments

In our dating history, we may have encountered men who, after making you feel multiple possibilities, ghost you. They stop turning up and eventually disappear and leave, making you see how emotionally unavailable they were. If this continues to go on, you may not find yourself becoming committed soon. How then do you stop attracting emotionally unavailable men? Jaki has the answers as she takes us to look from the inside out. She asks us to look within ourselves and identify whether or not we are also emotionally unavailable, as she shares some signs of emotional unavailability that you can figure out and address with your partner.

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Watch the episode here:

Dating Advice On How To Stop Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men

I wanted to talk about how to stop attracting emotionally unavailable men. I hear this a lot. These men are emotionally unavailable and it seems to be a big complaint with women and I get it. In fact, I used to say that quite a bit in my own life and in my own experiences. I was constantly thinking that men are emotionally unavailable. In fact, I wanted to share a little story with you because it’s going to help make it more “relatable” to you. I don’t know if you’ve ever been ghosted or even know what that term means. It means when the man disappears and doesn’t bother to let you know that he left the relationship and that can be painful. He leaves you to feel that he wasn’t emotionally available. That happened to me. What happened was I was seeing somebody for a couple of months and we were having a wonderful time. I was thinking that this could be something special and we had spent the weekend together.

What happened was after that weekend that I thought was wonderful, I never heard from him again. That really stung. I was thinking I cannot believe that I got ghosted that this guy just disappeared because I didn’t see that coming. I was trying to draw my conclusions around him being emotionally unavailable and why would anyone do that to another person. When I started to examine what was behind that, I did that by the process of asking myself some questions. After I got out of blaming him, I started to look at a deeper connection to what I was doing and how I was showing up. I want you to ask yourself this question, “What are the ways that I’m being unavailable in this relationship?” I want you to ask yourself a question, “What are the ways that you’re being unavailable in your dating experience? What beliefs are keeping you from fully committing to the process?” There are a lot of things that you can be doing that are causing you to be emotionally unavailable. When you’re emotionally unavailable, you’re not going to be connecting with these men because you’re not available to make that connection.

When you're emotionally unavailable, you also attract those who are. Click To Tweet

For example, I have a client that is dating a nice guy. She’s been on about six dates with him and she had told me that she’s going to stop seeing him because all he does is talk about himself. She said he’s a good guy. He’s very nice but he goes on and on and on. I was listening to her and she’s complaining that he’s not emotionally available because he’s so preoccupied with his own story and what’s going on in his life that he never asked her anything. I started to ask her, “What patterns do you see repeating in this experience?” I asked her about her history and she went to share with me about her history but here’s the thing that she meant. I said, “What’s the common denominator in these previous relationships?” She started to go into the details and I said, “You’re missing the point. The common denominator in the relationships is you. You’re the consistent theme in the relationship so I want you to look at what pattern is repeating itself in this relationship.”

She wanted to withdraw and stopped dating him and that’s her coping mechanism. Instead of being able to address the fact that he was not listening to her, she’s going to withdraw. In that moment and in these relationships, she’s the one who’s being emotionally unavailable. I would say they both are but here’s a golden opportunity. It’s an opportunity for her to reverse that pattern, to stop the pattern and turn it around. What that is going to require is for her to become emotionally available. She’s going to have to be vulnerable and intimate at that moment with that man, emotionally speaking, and give him an opportunity to step up into being more emotionally available. I would encourage all of you to take a deep look at how you’re showing up and check in with the pattern that you have in your past. Here’s what I told her to do. I told her when he starts talking and he’s going on and on, I told her to lean forward, put your hand on his forearm and just say his name over and over until he stops talking.

Intervene and lean in and say, “Are you open to hearing what I want to share? I’ve enjoyed hearing about what you’ve been talking about but I’d like the opportunity to share a little bit.” Then pause. Lean and put your hand. If the man’s talking and he’s going on and on, a part of that is nervousness, part of that is that he isn’t emotionally available. You have this golden opportunity to create this emotional intimate moment where at that moment he can step into it so you can lead the way. You do that by holding a boundary around what it is that you want. What she was doing is she was putting his needs before hers and in an attempt to fill the need, she’s going to withdraw. That’s what she’s been doing all along and that’s getting her the same thing that she’s been getting, which is no relationships which is emotional unavailability.

By her addressing it at that moment and by leaning in and saying, “I love what you’re saying but I would like the opportunity to share a little bit. Are you open to hearing what I have to say?” You do that again with the feather. Everything that I teach is about being very gentle about how you present things because it’s not what you say, it’s how you’re saying it and how it’s being perceived that gets people to shut down. If she was to be more assertive, he’ll back up and stop telling her anything altogether but you don’t want that. You want him to notice that he’s going on his monologue and be able to stop and focus on what you have to say and believe me, he will realize. That’s like with anyone if someone does that to you at that moment, you’re going to go, “Yes, of course. I want to hear what you have to say.” Inside, he’s going to be, “Yeah, I was talking. I was rambling.” It’s a golden opportunity to address these unconscious patterns that are sabotaging you.

Emotionally Unavailable Men: It’s not what you say, it’s how you’re saying it and how it’s being perceived.

Another big one is fear. Here’s a big fear that I had and it especially happens when you’re single for a long time, is the fear of commitment or fear of being found out. I realized looking back on that relationship that I had, I was the one that was emotionally unavailable. I had been watching the signs all along. He was sending me signs. He wasn’t doing certain things that I wanted to do but I was ignoring those because I was afraid that one, I wouldn’t meet anybody else and two, that it was a little too intimate. I wasn’t ready to be that intimate with someone, so I wasn’t willing to address what he was doing and letting him know what my needs were because I was too afraid to do that. Subsequently what that did for him is it turned him off. I turned myself into a pretzel for him and it wasn’t attractive. He abandoned the relationship. I was the one who was emotionally unavailable and so was he because he didn’t go to me. It isn’t a very mature thing to do but it’s one way to solve the problem. What was coming up for me was ahead of all this fear around he’s going to find out. You may not be connecting to this in a conscious way but sometimes we have a deep fear to be accepted.

We don’t want anyone to see those deep fears, so we have this protection in place that all the good men are taken. These rational lies that we tell ourselves to keep us safe but to keep us stuck because looking at the truth or maybe I’m not lovable or I’m not good enough is much harder to look at. It’s going deeper and getting behind what’s going on. Looking at your pattern that’s repeating in your relationships and looking at what belief or fear about the relationship that’s keeping you stuck in a pattern. Also looking at what you need to do and to believe in order to change this experience you’re having because experiences come from your beliefs. You have a belief and then you created an experience that aligns with it. In order for you to change the experience, you got to back up. You’ve got to examine your unconscious beliefs that are running this experience. For me, I had an unconscious belief that I wasn’t good enough and I had a lot of fear. When I analyzed it and got in there and did this deep work that I’ve done is, I was afraid that someone would discover that it was true. That I’m not good enough. I had to do that work to repair that relationship with myself that was keeping me from being emotionally available.

I had so much fear around someone seeing me and accepting me for who I was because I hadn’t accepted myself for who I was. Everything that I talk about is interrelated. It’s all connected. It all goes back to these approvals and us hiding behind these patterns in an attempt to stay safe and to not be hurt. In the process of staying safe and not being hurt, we’re keeping out the love that we long for. I know that one of the biggest regrets that you will ever have in life is to not have love in your life and recognizing that you could be the problem. In recognizing that you could be the problem, you also are the solution. That’s why this is so exciting for you to have this awareness because healing accompanies awareness. The more awareness that you bring to these patterns, to this emotional unavailability and skills so that you can address it on a date across from this man and present it in a way that he can hear it is going to help you rapidly change. You’re going to start seeing a different type of man show up because you’ve shifted.

When you shift, others can shift. It just takes recognizing, bringing awareness to it and then using some different skills. Having more boundaries around what it is that you want and being able to articulate that to the man that you’re sitting across from but you are doing it in a way that invites more trust. You’re not going to hammer him with like, “You know what would make me really happy? I would love it if we could have another appetizer. I’m starving.” You can ask for that or, “I don’t like salad. I like some pasta.” Just letting your needs be known, putting your needs above his and then seeing if he will step up and meet that need. You have to present it and you have to present it in a way that it gives him an opportunity.

The rational lies we tell ourselves keep us safe but also keep us stuck because looking at the truth is much harder to do. Click To Tweet

If you think about when you’re online and you’re like, “I’m not attracting any good men online.” You have to look at how you’re showing up and how you’re presenting it. When your profile talks all about yourself and all the things you’ve done and everything you want, it’s like a, “Me, me, me,” story. You got to look at it from a man’s perspective. He sees that he doesn’t know where he’s going to fit in your life because you haven’t given him a vision of what role he would play. It starts by looking at your profile. Is it speaking to the men in a way that he’s like, “She loves men and she’s interested in making me a priority and making me her biggest fan.” You want to lead with what that looks like for him and adding in those pieces about yourself but you do need to get his attention. Some of your profiles are showing up emotionally unavailable because it’s all about you and he doesn’t see where he fits into that. Taking another look at how you’re showing up, what you’re saying in those emails and those instant messages that are causing some disconnect and creating a little more intimacy. Go ahead and take some more risks because the bigger the risk, the bigger the game.

Take more risks emotionally speaking so that you will have the experience of stepping out of that. It always helps to have support to do that. You’re going to be getting a lot of support from me because I’m launching my next interview series. We’re going to be talking at a much deeper level about all these topics, about sabotaging, about the fears that are associated with dating, and about the fear of commitment. That’s a big one. You wouldn’t think that when you go to get committed, you would have all this fear. Much fear comes up because you’re confronted with changing your life and merging your life with the man. All of these fear-based thinking is going to surface so that you can heal it. A lot of times what happened is so much fear surfaces that you push back and you sabotage it. We’re going to be diving into all of that in that interview series. Make sure you’re signed up for that and also, I love getting your questions and comments and the emails. A lot of you have been sending me a lot of emails and comments and I would love to continue to get those so that I can answer these questions. It was so great to connect with all of you.

Don’t forget that life is so much better when you have love in it. Don’t give up on your dreams. Never ever give up on your dreams because love happens fast. One minute you’re single and the next minute you’re planning your honeymoon and your weekend retreat. You’ve got to be diligent. You have to be consistent and you have to be deliberate in everything you do. You have to be consistent with that so you can start to get some traction here and you can start to shift and things will start to show up in your life. Thank you for being here. Lots of love to you.

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Categories : Episodes

Tags : Attraction, dating, Emotionally Unavailable Men, love, relationships

6 Tips To Fast-Track A Commitment | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· May 7, 2019

· No Comments

Feeling like your relationship is not going anywhere? Be Engaged at Any Age® as Jaki shares six tips you can do to fast-track a commitment. It may be difficult to move your relationship forward, but with the right person, you definitely can. Find out how as you learn how to be more honest with yourself and your expectations, take notice of what you see and hear from your partner, and learn how to honor your precious time.

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Watch the episode here:

6 Tips To Fast-Track A Commitment

I want to talk to you about the six tips to fast track to a commitment. I am passionate about helping women get Engaged at Any Age®. I was engaged after dating my husband from Match.com after eight months and I was single for eight years. We were married in two years. A lot of women ask me the question, “What’s the timeline? What’s the flow and stage of a relationship? How long should it take? How long until he commits?” I wanted to give you six tips to fast track yourself to a commitment. This is going to help you to stay on track so that you don’t waste your precious time because I’m all about helping you to not waste your precious time. Those of you who want to continue to watch my videos, make sure you subscribe to my YouTube channel, Engaged at Any Age®, so you don’t miss any more of my training.

Be Clear On Your Date

Here are six things that you can do to help fast track a commitment. We all want to know if we’re going to be with him if he’s the one. Here’s a guide for you. From the very beginning, what you want to do is make sure that you’re clear with your date on what it is you’re looking for. The biggest mistake women make in the very beginning is not speaking your truth, being afraid to share what you want. The more you practice this, the easier it gets. I highly recommend that you begin to practice the script or whatever you want to call it, on asking for what you want and sharing that with a man. You want to be absolutely clear with him that you’re dating because you want to. You can say, “I’m excited about finding that special someone to spend the rest of my life with. What about you?” You can say it like that. You can say, “I’m excited about having a family someday. I see myself with three kids and settled down. What about you?” You don’t even know the person.

The biggest mistake women make in the very beginning of a relationship is not speaking your truth. Click To Tweet

Why it’s important to say this right up front is because he’s a stranger. You’re not asking him to marry you. You’re not putting any pressure on him, whatsoever. You’re both vetting each other, talking about what your expectations and interests are. For example, you went off the dating site and you got on the phone. Maybe it came from Tinder or Bumble so you can’t see what he’s looking for and you’re talking to him about some casual things like, “How’s it going for you? What is it you’re looking for?” You ask him right then and there on the phone. He might say, “I’m newly divorced. I’m dating to have fun. It’s more casual for me.” Then you say, “That’s wonderful. Congratulations on your divorce. I’m looking for a long-term committed relationship, someone to spend the rest of my life with. I had been divorced for five years, so I’m ready.”

You already know it’s not a match. You don’t have to end the conversation. You can say, “How’s it going? How does it feel to be online?” Continue the conversation for another ten minutes or so and then say, “It was nice to meet you. I know that we’re not a match because I feel from what you shared, we want different things. I’m going to take off, but it was great meeting you. Good luck. I’m sure you’re going to meet a fantastic woman.” Then you can get off the phone. It’s that simple. It’s even easier to do on the phone than on a date because you don’t want to get all the way on a date dressed-up, your hair, makeup, and everything then get there and find out that he’s just dating for fun. A man will say that he’s interested in something more serious.

He will say that to you, especially if he doesn’t know you because you’re not putting any pressure on him. If he doesn’t share, if he’s evasive or if he avoids the answer, then you have your answer already because he’s not even willing to be intimate about what he wants. Maybe he just doesn’t even know. Maybe you would say something like, “I’m clear on what I’m looking for and I’ve spent a lot of time getting clear. That’s important to me. Maybe the next step for you is to spend some time figuring that out. I wish you the best on that journey. It takes as long as it takes.” Always remaining positive in this whole process is what I recommend. You want to make sure that you’re in-sync in the very beginning within the first three dates that you are both dating for the same reason. Whether or not you’re a match, that has yet to be seen.

Believe What You Hear

The second tip that I want to share with you on fast-tracking you to a commitment is to believe what you hear. If a man says that he’s dating for casual, to meet casually, then believe him because he’s giving you important information. Don’t try to convert him because your energy is great and you have great chemistry and you’re attracted to him and he’s good looking or he has a lot of money. Whatever the reasons are, it doesn’t matter what they are, he doesn’t want what you want. That’s the number one key to it. There can be times when there are exceptions to this rule. I can’t go into every single one of them, so I’m going to give you a hard and fast rule. I know that there are exceptions that you can convert a man or a man will change his mind, but I don’t recommend that. When I was dating my husband and I asked him on the phone the first time we spoke, “What are you looking for? Why are you online? What are you dating for?” He said, “I’m interested in a long-term committed relationship.” I go, “So am I,” then we kept talking. It was so casual. It was like we just went through it. It wasn’t a big deal. Here’s a thing with him though, he was married for 25 years before he met me. He already had a long-term committed relationship.

I feel, in my humble opinion, the men who have been married for a long period of time will want to get back into the nook with a woman. They’re accustomed to being in a relationship. They stayed in that relationship because there’s a lot about the relationship that they liked or that they feel more comfortable in a relationship than out. I would say most people feel more comfortable in a relationship than out. If he tells you that he’s only interested in dating for casual, then I would believe him, unless there are some different circumstances that would make that an exception. I would definitely believe him, especially if he tells you right out the bat. You’re looking for a long-term committed relationship that leads to marriage, leads to living together, or leads to a life partnership. Whatever it is for you, do not waver on that. That’s the first rule in the Law of Attraction. You have to be clear about what you want. Then not be afraid to share what you want within the first three dates, especially in the first phone call.

Fast-Track A Commitment: Most people feel more comfortable in a relationship than out.

Look At His Actions

The third tip that I want to give you so you can fast track your ability to get a commitment out of a man, is to look at his actions. His actions are going to tell you everything. Your actions tell everything too, so you want to watch your own fear of commitment. Be it things that start to surface as you get closer to someone. Going back to looking at his actions, if he’s showing up for you. He’s calling you, he’s texting you, he’s taking you out, and he’s thinking about you. Considering you in future plans, making comments about things you could do together down the road, then those are signs that he’s considering you as a potential partner because he’s showing up. It’s all about the action, less about the words. Make sure you keep an eye on those actions. If his actions start not matching his words, then you definitely have a problem. You can’t trust someone that doesn’t follow through. When you want a committed relationship, having a man that follows through is the most important thing because you need someone that you can depend on. I certainly want someone I can depend on. Their actions start to become the thing that stands out the most.

Live Your Own Life

The fourth tip I want to give you on how to fast track a commitment is to live your own life. You want to be keeping your hobbies and keeping your friends. If you don’t have any hobbies, get something going for yourself. It could be joining a book club. I’m not saying that you need to climb a mountain, you need to have an interest so that you have something to talk about. You want to have your own interests. You want to keep those interests going all through the relationship. Somebody cannot hold you as your object of attention 24/7, it’s impossible. We all have jobs. We have family and we have other things that pull our attention away. As long as you’re grounded in your own life, you’ll feel secure in you so that if it doesn’t work out, you have a life to fall back into. You don’t even have to fall back into it because you never let it go, to begin with. You want to make sure you maintain those interests and keep striving for that balance.

Stick To A Reasonable Time-frame

The fifth thing that I want to share so that you can fast track your way to a commitment is you want to look at a reasonable time-frame and stick with it. What I feel is a reasonable time-frame is two years tops to meet a man, to date, to become exclusive, to get engaged and be married. Maybe a little over two years or under two years. I certainly have clients that have been married in six months. I especially believe this to be true as we age. I feel that we’re clearer in what we want. We are more skilled in those areas in our ability to determine and see the red flags and just bypass them as we mature. It can take less. It’s okay to get married in six months if you meet somebody and you guys are clicking from the very minute and you have these discussions, then why wait especially when you’re older.

Make sure you stick to your timeline. What’s reasonable? I make sure that you establish what you want within the first three dates so that you’re not dating and going, “I don’t know what he wants.” After the first three weeks, you’re looking for him to ask you to be exclusive. He initiates that conversation. Not sleeping with a man unless he has initiated the exclusivity conversation and you have the STD conversation. You talked about sleeping together or maybe even talking about a vision for the future. You can just say things sweetly like, “Do you want to take it to the next level? I’ve been thinking nothing about that. Since we’re talking about it, why don’t we throw in that talk about our health? Let’s have that conversation right here.” You can drop it into the conversation right then and there. I recommend doing that, not when you’re in an intimate position because that can damper the mood. Play around with that, but make sure you have that conversation.

Relationships that are emotionally honest are emotionally intimate. Click To Tweet

After you become exclusive, those first couple of months should show you what his intentions are. He already knows if he’s going to commit to you. Women take longer to decide or women have just as much fear of commitment than men do, and maybe even more so. We have to continue to work on our own blocks and emotional issues that come up when we get close to a man. If you’re dating a man for longer than six months and you guys aren’t planning a future together, I would definitely sit him down. I would say eight months would be the cutoff, but you decide. This is where you have to establish a reasonable timeline in your mind. For me, it was six months but then it got to seven months and I was going, “This is not going where I want it to go, so I’m going to sit and have a talk with Michael.” That’s what I did. I had a talk with him. You have this talk with him when you are detached from an outcome. You want to be with him, but if he’s not interested in what you’re interested in, which is a long-term committed relationship that’s planning a marriage, then you’re willing to lead the relationship. You’re willing to vote with your feet and find somebody else that is feeling that at that time in their life.

Why did I say that? It wasn’t like I’m going to give him up but in a way, yes. What I wanted needed to be the most important thing. You have to make your dream the most important thing. They need to know that because them knowing that makes you more of a challenge. They know that you’re clear on what you want and that you will lead the relationship if you don’t get what you want and you’ll find somebody who will give you what you want. Sometimes it comes down to timing. I hope it didn’t sound harsh, but what I’m trying to say is that it comes down to timing. If you can have that conversation, it could sound something like this and I love this word vision, “What’s your vision for us? What do you see for our future together?” Then be quiet and let him talk. Let him tell you what his vision is.

If he doesn’t share anything with you, the next day ask him, “We were talking and I asked you what your vision was and you didn’t say anything. I’m wondering what’s going on with that. Usually, when we talk, you’re more than happy to share with me. When you’re holding back, that’s not okay with me. I need you to be completely forthright with me.” That’s an intimacy issue. If your guy isn’t giving you any feedback on the vision, he knows what it is. He’s not being forthright with you, then that’s an intimacy violation. If you’re sleeping with him and you have this close relationship. You’re spending the night at his house, he’s spending the night at your house, you have the right. It is your right in terms of the intimacy of that relationship. It requires that you’re both emotionally honest. If you’re not emotionally honest, then you don’t have, by definition, an intimate relationship.

Fast-Track A Commitment: If you’re not emotionally honest, then you don’t really have, by definition, an intimate relationship.

Relationships that are emotionally honest are emotionally intimate and that’s what you’re looking for, for him to be intimate with how he feels. He might be afraid to share that with you, but you still have to continue to ask him. Eventually, if he’s not willing to share that with you, you can say, “I see that I’m not getting the answer from you that I feel I deserve and because of that, I need to step back and do some soul-searching to see what I’m going to do next.” I would say, “I’m not breaking up with you, but I definitely need to just spend some time alone to get clear on what I want to do about this. I don’t want to spend my time with you when you’re not able to be emotionally honest with me.” You say that coming from love. You let him know that it’s unacceptable to be emotionally withholding because you’re setting up the relationship to be that way. That’s why you have that hard talk. Be prepared for him to walk and that’s okay because if he does, you have your answer. I know that’s painful, but you cannot stay in relationships that aren’t going anywhere. That’s why you want to have a timeline.

Don’t Waste Your Time

You want to be clear. He might withdraw as well and spend some time in his cave thinking about what he’s going to do if you do choose to leave him. He’s going to come back around if he sees a future with you. He’s going to solidify it with plans for the future and that’s going to make you so happy and then things will move forward. If he doesn’t come back around and he doesn’t solidify things for the future, then you haven’t wasted any more time. You have learned the skill of sticking your neck out and having a lot of emotional courage, which is what you have to have if you want to be in a committed, exclusive, and long-term relationship. It takes a lot of emotional courage to be in a relationship because you have to show somebody who you are and that takes courage. It takes knowing who you are. The bottom line is don’t waste your precious time is my last tip. Be more emotionally courageous right up-front and all through the relationship. Set appointments to talk about things that are delicate, that are uncomfortable. If it’s uncomfortable, that’s a sign you probably need to talk about it.

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Categories : Attraction, Confidence, Create the Life You Want, Episodes, Relationships

Tags : Date, Engaged, Fast-Track A Commitment, relationships, Timeframe

6 Signs That A Man Will Commit | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· April 30, 2019

· No Comments

Sometimes, we tend to sabotage ourselves by not saying directly what we mean. Most especially in dating, we tread this fine line of finding out where your relationship is going. If you are in this dilemma, how then can you know if a man is ready to commit? Take note of the six signs that Jaki shares as she gives you scenarios on when you will find the right opportunity.

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Watch the episode here:

6 Signs That A Man Will Commit

Intentionality

Let’s talk about the six signs that a man will commit. The first one is intentionality. This is important because it starts from the beginning. Is he asking you out on a date or is he saying, “Do you want to hang out?” A man that asked you on a date is definitely interested in pursuing you. A man that says, “Do you want to hang out?”, you don’t know what that means. You might want to clarify and ask him, “Are you asking me out on a date?” If he says, “I want to hang out,” then you might want to say no. You want to be intentional as well because you want to find your soulmate. You want to settle down. You want to be in a long-term committed relationship. You need to be intentional. Do not go out with men that want to hang out. Don’t waste your time. They’re going to friend zone you.

Consistency And Reliability

The second of the six signs if a man’s going to commit to you is consistency and reliability. You have to watch his consistency and reliability. Is he following up with you after your dates? Is he texting you? Is he keeping in touch with you? Is he keeping his commitments? You want to see if he values your time by making sure that it includes him. He wants to know that you’re available to him if he’s interested in a commitment. He’s going to be asking you out, making future plans with you, and he’s going to be making you a priority. If he’s not doing that, he doesn’t see you as a priority and he sees you can maybe be bumped for something better that comes along. You want to look at those things closely. All these signs are going to help you stay focused and clear on your path, so you don’t get off track to attracting your soulmate.

A man that's interested in committing to you is going to be willing to take it slow. Click To Tweet

Good Communicator

Sign number three if he’s going to commit to you: is he direct and is he a good communicator? He takes you out on a great date and he didn’t call you for a couple of weeks. Maybe he texts you every day of the week and then he disappears on the weekend and you don’t hear from him for 48 hours. He doesn’t text you at all during the weekend, but then he blows up your phone over the weekend. He’s not being direct, and he doesn’t have good communication skills. Maybe he’s not quite serious yet. He loves the flirting fun that he’s having with you. If he’s thinking about you in a serious way, he is not going to be playing any games at all. He’s going to be direct and he’s going to communicate that to you in his actions.

Exclusivity

The fourth sign that a man’s going to commit to you is exclusivity. Exclusivity is when he’s made it clear that he wants to see you and only you. How he’s going to show you he’s moving in that direction is that he’s seeking out time with you and he’s planning ahead. He’s not planning ahead to do social things like movies and concerts, even though those are great. In the beginning, you want chunks of time together so that you can get to know each other. If you’re spending the day together and it rolls into an evening, that’s fantastic because that shows you he’s interested in getting to know you and he wants to spend more time with you. Look at the time and the quality of time. Not quantity necessarily, quality. Not spending it with groups and not spending it in social situations where you’re not able to talk and go deeper and discover the deeper things about each other and then have those deeper shares.

Commit: If a man does not share his vision with you, he’s either afraid or did not include you.

Taking It Slow

Here’s your fifth sign that a man’s going to commit to you. He’s going to be taking it slow. I know this sounds counterproductive, but a man that’s interested in committing to you is going to be willing to take it slow because he also wants to get to know you before he jumps into bed with you. The relationship that started out fast and furious and hot usually burns out fast as well. You set the pace for that. I would definitely take it slow to create that physical connection because you’re looking to create the emotional connection first. That’s the key to getting a commitment with a man. You have to connect with a man emotionally. Physical men don’t connect and bond physically. It’s a physical act. You’re looking for that pace to be slow and steady so that it doesn’t burn out. Remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. It’s a marathon in the beginning when you’re getting to know somebody. If he’s not pushing you to have sex, that’s great because he’s looking at you for someone serious. Don’t worry about that. That’s totally a blessing.

Willing To Talk About Your Relationship

Here’s the final sign that a man is going to commit to you. He’s willing to talk to you about your relationship. I recommend and I’ve talked about this before that on the first or second date, you are bringing up the topic of what his life plans are. All you have to do is say, “Where do you see yourself in five years? What do you have planned for your life? What’s your vision for your life?” Smile and wait for him to share that with you. At this point, there’s nothing invested. You’re not invested emotionally. He’s not invested emotionally. He knows what his plan is and that’s a non-threatening way to say it. Men know what their goals in life are like you do. Your goal is to get married or get into a committed relationship. You’re clear on that and they are too. Make it clear of what you’re looking for right in the beginning, in the first couple of dates. As I said, there’s no emotional investment yet. It rolls off the tongue much easier. It doesn’t feel any pressure on him and it’s a normal question to ask. You don’t want to waste your precious time. I’m all about encouraging not to waste time because I want you to fast track. Men, when they’re ready, they come right in. They are ready as you are.

The relationship that started out fast, furious, and hot burns out fast as well. Click To Tweet

I want to leave you with this. Sometimes men are a little bit clueless when it comes to the commitment phase so be patient with them. Listen to them, trust your gut, and don’t be afraid to continue to communicate how you’re feeling in the relationship at every stage and see what response you get back. Checking in with them and saying things like, “What’s your vision for us? What’s your vision for our future together?” and smile. You expect him to tell you. If he does not share with you what his vision is for you, he’s either one, really afraid or two, he knows what his vision is and it doesn’t include you. It’s either that he’s in fear or he’s not including you in that vision and you need to know. If he doesn’t answer that question, I would let it sit for a day or two, then I would circle back to it and say, “I asked you a question the other day about what your vision was for us and you didn’t answer me. I found that was interesting. I want to ask you again and give you another opportunity to communicate with me. For the level of intimacy that we share, I feel I deserve an answer to that question. What is your vision for us?” Do you see how I set that tone? Do you see how I used that? It’s with a feather. It’s always gentle. It’s always curious. It’s not demanding.

You need the answers to these questions because you’re a high-value woman and your time is precious and valuable. When you ask those questions, he senses that. He needs to feel not too much pressure, but he needs to know that you will walk. You will vote with your feet and walk if he does not give you the answers that you’re asking for because you want a juicy, intimate, and deep relationship. That is a question that he is obligated to answer if you’re experiencing some depth and intimacy, especially physical intimacy after you’ve agreed that you’re on the same page in terms of what you’re looking for in life. Hold your standards up high lady, because then you’ll attract a man that will meet you there or he’ll rise up to meet you there. Let me tell you about my freebie, it’s my Soulmate Assessment. Go to SoulmateIQ.com and take my quiz. It’s going to give you an assessment of what frequency you’re vibrating at and how close you are to attracting your soulmate. I’m going to send you your assessment along with the feminine exercise so that you can shift further into alignment so that you can fast track your ability to attract your soulmate because I’m all about fast-tracking. Thank you for joining me. I hope this was helpful. Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel. I’m sending you lots and lots of love.

Important Links:

SoulmateIQ.com

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Categories : Confidence, Create the Life You Want, Dating, Episodes, Relationships

Tags : commit, Commitment, communication, dating, relationships, the next step

Dating After 60: Three Tips To Give You Confidence | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· March 5, 2019

· No Comments

Bette Davis once said that getting old is not for sissies. Many also would like to believe that this applies to dating, most especially when you are dating after 60. As they say, age is just a number. That is why you should never lose the confidence to give yourself that opportunity to find other human connection. While life may have given you enough reasons in the past never to date again, there is still hope that you can move past it. Jaki gives you three great tips to regain that confidence and date even after 60.

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Watch the episode here:

Dating After 60: Three Tips To Give You Confidence

I’m going to talk about dating after 60 and the three tips to give you confidence. As an older woman, you have the power to make the connection that turns into dating opportunity on and offline. Dating after 60 can be fun, but it does require a fundamental shift in thinking. You have to be willing to make the first move. I know that’s awkward for a lot of you women, but hear me out. Betty Davis once said that getting old is not for sissies. Many women would argue that the same comment applies for dating after 60. Not only are there statistically fewer men, but the dynamic of human engagement and style of personal connection has changed dramatically since we were dating in our twenties. Then throw in a lifetime of love and loss that has made you distrustful and unwilling to get back into the dating game. Dating after 60 can be fun and a change in mindset is essential if you want to find romance over 60. This applies for women of all ages so I want you to listen up ladies. You may not realize it but men are often the ones who lack confidence and suffer fear of rejection. Take that into consideration along with these tips for dating after 60. The three tips to give you confidence.

Smile Genuinely

As an older woman, you have the power to make a connection that turns into a dating opportunity on and offline. Tip number one is smiling genuinely. That’s it. I know it sounds so obvious. You’re just looking to make a friendly connection here. You’re not looking for anything more. When you smile friendly at a man, especially a man over 60, you’re sending him a signal that you’re approachable and that you’re easy going. It doesn’t imply that you’re looking for anything. It doesn’t imply you’re hitting on him. You’re just being friendly and it’s so important to establish this friendliness because that sends a signal to a man, especially men over 60 that are experiencing the same challenges. In their lack of confidence, you send them a signal that you’re approachable and you’re friendly and it’s safe to approach you and talk to you.

One of the biggest regrets that we have in life is that we didn't have enough love in our life. Click To Tweet

Ladies, open up. Look around, make sure your head’s up and you’re looking around. If you see a man, make eye contact and give them a friendly, genuine smile. This works standing in line at Starbucks. It works when you go in the elevator. It works when you’re at a doctor’s office. It works when you’re at the valet. Practice it everywhere you go and soon it will be automatic because it opens doors. It opens doors that are closed if you don’t look up and make eye contact and give them that genuine smile. I want you to start practicing that genuine smile wherever you go. If you’re too nervous to start off with men, start off with women. They’re always going to give you a beautiful, warm, receptive smile in return. Then start to do it with men as well and you’re going to see magic happen.

Approach Men First

Tip number two, approaching men first. Strike up a conversation and start asking them things. It can happen effortlessly if you practice it. You’re going to strike up a conversation by saying something in the Starbucks line like, “I’m just going to get plain old coffee, but I know the drinks here are fantastic. What are you getting? What do you recommend? What’s your favorite drink?” If you hear somebody order something, a man, you can say, “What’s that like? I’ve always considered trying it. What do you like about it?” Maybe you’re at the grocery store and you see a man and he has groceries in his cart and you see an item that he has and you can say, “I’ve seen that before and I’ve always wanted to try it. What is it like?” Ask a question because a question begs for an answer. When you approach men first and you start up a conversation, you also opened the door for him to respond to you and then who knows where that’s going to lead?

I want to tell you a fantastic story about a client of mine that did this and now, her whole life has changed. The trajectory of her whole life has changed because of this one skill that she’s been practicing working with me. She went overseas for a month on a beautiful trip and on her way home at the airport, she was standing in the baggage line to check her baggage. There was a man standing behind her and because she’s been practicing these skills, starting with tip number one, which is engaging with a warm smile and tip number two, approaching men first by striking up a conversation, she turned around to the man behind her and just simply said, “How’s your day going?” That’s it. That’s all she said and long story short, they ended up talking and he asked her for coffee. They each had a two hour layover, so they moved over to another area in the airport. They had a cup of coffee. They ended up hitting it off and the next thing you know fast forward to now, they are making plans for a future together. She found her life partner standing in the baggage line at the airport. Love happens fast! I’m so thrilled for her.

She’s 63 years old and he’s the same age. They live in different countries. She doesn’t have a lot of ties here. She’s going to be moving over to join him. Everything just unfolded effortlessly and seamlessly because she is practicing my tools that work. She was ready. She wants romance in her life. She believes in love. She is showing up emotionally and more courageous than ever before and what did it bring her? Everything she’s ever wanted. This man is incredible man. He’s looking for her and he told her, “I’d been looking for you for so long.” Ladies, don’t underestimate the power in this. Men are looking for you. They’re looking for their soul mates too and all you have to do is turn around in a line and strike up a conversation. The next thing you know, you can be on your way to living the life of your dreams. I promise you this works, but you have to work it.

Learn The Art Of Flirting

If you like what I’m sharing, make sure you share, comment and like my page and subscribe to my Engaged at Any Age YouTube channel so that you’ll never miss another episode. Also, share it with your single friends who need these valuable tips so they can get in on the action. The last and final tip I have for you is a great one. Ladies, you have to learn the art of flirting. I know what happens as we get older. We get a little more withdrawn. We get a little more in our own head because of all the experiences we’ve had. Some of them haven’t been very pleasant and so we usually are thinking so much. We’re in our head and we’re not really present to what’s going on around us. We’ve lost our confidence, our mojo when it comes to flirting, but men love being flirted with. It’s really fun once you get the hang of it. What is the art of flirting? It is having the emotional courage to compliment men. You can start with compliment men. Compliment him on his shoes. I saw a man that had these cool shoes on. I was at Nordstrom buying a pair of shoes and he was waiting on me, the shoe salesman. He had these incredible pair of shoes on. I wasn’t flirting with him, but this is a great example that you can use.

I said, “I love your shoes.” They were these classic old-style loafers that I haven’t seen in a long time. I just simply said, “I like your shoes. Those are great.” He responded positively to that and he started telling me about the story of the shoes. There was this whole backstory around his shoes. We began a dialogue and it made the interaction much more enjoyable for both of us. We became friends in that moment. He’s helping me find shoes. He’s telling me stories. Now, we have a little connection going and that’s what you’re looking for. You’re not looking to meet your soulmate in one moment, but you might. You’re just looking to make that connection. Complimenting a man on something he’s wearing, his clothes, his hair or something he says or does. You’re like, “I admire that. That’s great. Where did you learn how to do that?”

Another thing you can do is ask for help simply by saying, “Excuse me, will you help me? Can you hand that to me? Can you pick this up? Would you do this for me?” Men love to help women. Asking for help is a really great one. Asking for directions or asking for a restaurant or a recommendation for a restaurant. Opening up and asking for help and complimenting men everywhere you go. Notice something about a man and bring it to his attention. That will strike up a conversation and open a dialogue. From there, who knows where it’s going to go. It might go nowhere and it doesn’t really matter. Your intention is just to become more open and present to what’s happening so that you can make dating fun over 60. Like one of my clients did, it could lead to meeting your soulmate and you never know unless you try.

These tips are so easy. I want you to go out and commit to yourself that you’re going to start applying these three tips. I’m going to give you just a couple of bonus suggestions on where to meet men. I go to the gym a lot and down at the gym before 9:00, between 6:00 and 9:00, it is crawling with men over 60. Men over 60 love to work out first thing in the morning. I’ve noticed that because I go to the gym at different times during the day and there is a large amount of men that are working out over the age of 60. Some of them are retired, some of them are still working and they’re getting in there to get their workout before they go to the office. They are everywhere and they’re friendly and they are open and they are talking and a lot of is very social for them.

Dating After 60: Men are looking for their soul mates, too ,and all you have to do is turn around in a line and strike up a conversation.

Join your local gym and show up early and start meeting these men that are there during that time. Also, coffee shops especially on the weekends, where there’s outdoor seating and summer’s coming. This is a great opportunity for you to start making a regular daily visit to a coffee shop to find out when the men of your age group, the men in the age group that you want to date are there. Showing up consistently every day and making friends. We go to the little Brick & Bell coffee shop here in La Jolla and we know everybody that’s there during the time that we’re there. It’s interesting. There’s always a different group of people throughout the day, but we like to go right after we work out and we always see the same people. Now, we’re friends with those people and it’s really fantastic. You can create your own little community of people by getting out there and coffee shops are a great place to do that.

The most important guideline that I want to leave you with to build your confidence in dating over 60 is to simply do the things you love. Doing the things you love puts you out and about in places that you’re likely to cross paths with men where you can apply these three tips. Going to museums, going to book readings, going to meetups or going to restaurants that you want to go to. Don’t wait for somebody to go along with you. Go by yourself. Put yourself out there more and more and more. Go to early movie screenings. They have those at 5:00 or 4:30. Go there early. Make sure you get there early so you can talk to the ladies that run those screenings and those are a great resource for you or ways for you to meet men. Those ladies that are in your age group that are running those volunteer roles or handling those movie premiers or early showings, they know who the single men are in their community. They are more than happy to provide you with that information.

Women always love to help other women especially me. That’s why I’m here making this video for you. You strike up a conversation with those women. Ask them if they know any single, available men. You are single and you love to meet them. If you’re a widow and you’ve lost your husband, you can say, “I lost my husband a couple of years ago and so I’m looking to meet somebody new.” That’s perfectly fine. In fact, you’re going to create some compassion there and they’re going to take you under their wing and help you out. Anything that you say, just being honest and letting people know that you are single and you are looking to meet someone special. Put the word out. What do you have to lose? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Make sure you’re vocal about your desire to have romance in your life, to have a committed relationship and even marriage to put yourself out there.

One of the biggest regrets that we have in life is that we didn’t have enough love in our life. We didn’t put ourselves out there. We didn’t take enough risks and why? Because of fear, because of what people think of us. It’s way past time to get over that. Get over what people think of you. What people think of you is none of your business. I want you to start taking that attitude. I hope this was helpful. I’m going to tell you about my freebie. I want you to go to SoulmateIQ.com and take my Soulmate Assessment. It’s a short quiz that will give you the vibration that you’re sending out, the frequency that you’re sending out, and how close you are to attracting love. You’re always sending out a vibration. I want to help you to recognize what the vibration is you’re sending out and if you’re sending out the right vibration or the right frequency. Whatever you’re sending out, you’re getting back by the Law of Attraction because likes attract likes. I’m going to also send you a feminine exercise along with your frequency to help you get you further into alignment, which is going to help you speed things up and fast track your ability to manifest your soulmate.

What people think of you is none of your business. Click To Tweet

I am so passionate about helping women to learn to deliberately date and consciously create the man of their dreams and I’m very successful at doing that. The woman that I was speaking about is now 63, her whole life is starting anew. She’s in a whole new book. Her life has just taken off in ways that she’s been dreaming of for years and it happened very fast. I have other ladies in their 60s that are getting married and they’re having all this romance, but they had to take a risk. They had to learn the tools and the skill set and get the support and learn the formula and the strategy for success.

That’s what I teach in my program and especially geared for women over 40s, 50s, and 60s. Ladies, step out of your comfort zone and claim your dreams. Do not go quietly into that good night or whatever that saying is. I know that you want love in your life and I know that I can get you there much faster than you can on your own. Check out the program and get ahold of me before it’s too late, before another year passes you by and you wished you would have taken action. This is what it’s all about. It’s taking action so that you can start living the life that you came here to live. I hope this was helpful and I want you to know, I’m sending you so much love.

Important Links:

SoulmateIQ.com

Please join our Bridge to Love Facebook community to be a part of the conversation and receive support!” Click here to receive support now!

Like these videos! You can find more by joining my Engaged at Any Age YouTube channel now!

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Categories : Episodes

Tags : confidence, connection, Dating After 60, love, Romance, Soulmates

5 Tips To Stop Chasing Men And Have Them Chase You! | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· February 26, 2019

· 2 Comments

If you want to find true love, you need to stop chasing guys and have them chase you instead. While most guys would welcome a break from being the pursuer, they still like to chase you a little bit. Your best bet is to figure out a way to let a guy know you’re open and interested and give him that opportunity to make the first move without being too obvious about it. Find out how you can make men chase you with these five tips from Jaki.

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Watch the episode here:

5 Tips To Stop Chasing Men And Have Them Chase You!

Men Are Hunters

I want to talk to you about the five tips to stop chasing men and have them chase you. Let’s jump right in with number one. Men are hunters. You have to remember that they love to hunt, and you have to remain in that receiving position and let them come after you. When you go after a man, it shuts him down. He’s not going to see you as a wife potential or a potential to be in a relationship. It kills the chemistry. Men want to chase you so give them a good run for their money. Make it fun for them because they love to be pursuing you. If you make it easy for them or if you start to pursue them, they’re going to lose interest much faster. You want to let them chase you.

You’re The Prize

The second tip that I want to give you to stop chasing men so that they chase you is remember ladies, you’re the prize. You are what they are after and that’s why they want to chase you. You have to sit back in that receiving mode and know your worth, know your value.

I’ve talked about this before in terms of your value and your worth. Your value and worth are a perception that you need to project outward. You need to create a perception that you’re a high value woman and project that out to a man. How you do this is by not chasing a man. By leaning back and recognizing that you’re the prize. You have what they want. You have a beautiful and warm heart. You make life colorful, beautiful, interesting and fun for them. You’re creative, funny, interesting and clever. The way you dress, look, smell, and feel, you have all of these beautiful qualities that men find so captivating in women. Let him come to you and remember, you’re the prize. For all those reasons that I just shared with you, but more importantly is because you matter. You have value and you are destined for great things. You’re destined for great, extraordinary love and it’s your birthright. You’re entitled to it. Don’t forget that. Men love to have a woman that knows her worth. That’s what they’re looking for.

You have to sit back in that receiving mode and know your worth, know your value. Click To Tweet

Give Them Signals

The third tip is helpful to make sure that men chase you and you stop chasing them. You have to give them signals. You have to be open with your body language. That means not sitting with your arms crossed and looking down at your phone. Your arms are open in receiving mode. Hold your head up high. You’re smiling and you’re giving them that five-second smile and maybe you’re doing the little eye movements and winking or whatever. If you have the confidence to do that, I recommend it. You are sending a man a signal through your body language that you’re open and receptive for him to pursue you, not the other way around. You can give him a look and give him a smile and then you can hold that smile and see if he’s going to be interested in pursuing you. That’s a signal. Use it and practice it wherever you go because it works. Men respond well to direct eye contact and a nice big smile. That lets them know through your body language. All you have to do is smile at a man and he will take it from there. If he’s interested in you and he’s available, he knows what to do.

How To Make Men Chase You: Don’t make assumptions because you don’t know enough about him to attach to him until he’s given you the signs.

Stay Detached In Dating

The fourth tip, and this is a big one, you have to stay detached in dating and that’s hard to do. As soon as you meet a man you like and he’s chasing you, the first thing you want to do is attach emotionally. You start to become overly invested in the relationship. As soon as you do that, then he loses interest in you because you played your hand. You’re not holding any of the cards back. He already knows you’re into him and you like him. That’s a little bit of a turnoff. Where did the chase go? He’s hunting you and you’ve just taken away the fun in it for him, the mystery is gone too soon. That initial stage is fun. Make sure you stay in your position of receiving and stay detached so if it doesn’t work out, you can move on very quickly. How do you stay detached? By recognizing that you need to be the one that’s being pursued, for one. You need to continue to let him pursue you because you don’t want to be the one doing that. It’ll turn them off. Don’t make assumptions because you don’t know enough about him to attach to him until he’s given you the signs.

I’ve talked about that in other videos. It’s through caring and commitment. He’s consistent. All of these things are going to let you know that he’s into you. Only then can you start to make an attachment once you’ve established the level of intimacy that you’re going to share in that relationship. Detached dating is where it’s at. That’s where all the fun is. It’s how you remain mysterious because you are detached. He can tell that you’re not attached. When you’re detached, men can tell and they want you even more. Practice detached dating. It doesn’t mean that you’re cold. It doesn’t mean that at all. It just means you’re not playing all of your cards. You’re not letting him know right up front how you feel, even if you have feelings for him. Make sure that you’re matching each other’s feelings. If he is showing you a lot of interest, then you can show him some interest. You’re being consistent with what you’re both sharing. You’re not getting ahead of him. You’re not telling him you love him when you feel it. Wait for him to say those things. It will last longer. It will mean more and let him lead.

Men want to hunt, so give them a good hunt. Click To Tweet

Don’t Be So Available

The fifth and final tip on how to get them to chase you is don’t be so available. Don’t drop everything for him as soon as he calls. What this does is it shows him that you don’t have a life and he’ll lose interest. It’s not a game. I want to pre-qualify what I’m going to say with that. What it is, it is a bit of remaining a little mysterious so he has to wonder about you. He has to wonder what you’re doing, where you are, or who you’re with. You want him to be thinking of you. If you’re so available, you don’t give him any time to be thinking of you. That means that you don’t have to respond to his texts the minute he sends you one. Don’t sit there holding your phone, waiting for the texts to come in and respond instantly. Let some time go by. Allow him to think about you and wonder what you’re doing and if you’re going to get back to him, men love that. Remember, they want to hunt so give them a good hunt. They will enjoy the fun of it all. The courtship and the dating process is fun. It is fun when you follow these tips that I’m suggesting because they do work. Don’t be so available. Don’t cancel your plans. Keep your plans with your friends and keep your commitments. Go on your vacations. Don’t contact him too much when you’re away. Enjoy yourself. Be where you are. Be present to what’s showing up in your life in that moment and you will be very desirable to a man.

My free gift is my Soulmate Assessment. All you have to do is go to SoulmateIQ.com and take my short assessment. It’s a quick quiz. It’s going to tell you how close you are to attracting your soulmate by asking you a series of questions and that’s going to give you your frequency that you’re vibrating at. Many women do not understand that it’s all energy. You’re sending out a vibe, a vibration. I’m going to help you quickly to assess whether you’re sending out a masculine vibration or a feeler vibration. A feeler vibration means you feel a lot. You are emotional or you are over-giving. You’re sending out that over-giving vibration. All of those vibrations don’t necessarily go well with the vibration you’re wanting to project to a man that you’re wanting to attract for a lifelong partnership. Take the Soulmate IQ. Take my assessment. I’ll give you your assessment and a feminine exercise. You can quickly shift into alignment and that’ll get you closer to attracting your soulmate. I hope this was helpful and know that I’m sending you so much love on your journey. Let me know if you’re successful with any of these tips. I love hearing from you.

Important Links:

SoulmateIQ.com

Please join our Bridge to Love Facebook community to be a part of the conversation and receive support!” Click here to receive support now!

Like these videos! You can find more by joining my Engaged at Any Age® YouTube channel now!

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Categories : Episodes

Tags : body language, chasing men, dating, make men chase you, relationships, wife potential