Jaki Sabourin, Author at Jaki Sabourin

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He’s HOT/COLD | Engaged at Any Age

· September 17, 2019

One day he comes on strong and totally into you. The next day, he becomes cold and confusing. How do you keep on playing this game when dating or in a relationship, or maybe, how do you stop the game? Sometimes, this kind of set-up only leads us at the losing end. We start to question ourselves in the process when the problem tends to not be our fault. Jaki hands us the key to understanding what is happening so we can free ourselves from the cycle of control and fear.

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Watch the episode here:

He’s HOT/COLD

I wanted to talk about when a guy comes on strong, he’s into you and then he goes cold and it causes a lot of confusion. I know you may have experienced this and it certainly is a game that gets played when you’re dating and in relationships and it’s dysfunctional. Let’s just go over what it is. One minute, things are going along. You’ve got this band here, you’re going back and forth and you feel something’s happening and you start enjoying the attention that you’re receiving from a man. The next thing you know, he pulls back and he withdraws into his cave and you’re left wondering, “What did I do?” You start to question yourself and think that you did something wrong. You start to go into thinking about what you said and what you did. This behavior is extreme when a man withdraws like that and it’s about power play whether you call it push and pull and hot or cold, it’s all the same. What it does is it leaves you feeling frustrated and confused.

Control

The key is to understand what’s happening so that if you feel caught into this cycle because it’s a pattern in a cycle, all about control and fear, then you can quickly recognize it for what it is. There are a couple of things you can do. You can use the skills and tools that I teach in my program to become more intimate about what’s happening and invite a conversation. That person that’s doing this, the man that’s doing this, is incapable or interested in having this conversation because he’s using this behavior as a way to control you. Whether it’s done consciously or unconsciously, what happens is it creates a longing and it creates a pursuit. As soon as he pulls away, it activates this feeling like, “I have to have him.” What you want to do is reach out and pursue. That’s usually what you do. You go, “I’m just going to send him a quick little text and see what he’s up to.” You might make up some excuse like, “He’s just busy at work.” Some of these rational lies that we tell ourselves to try to justify this emotional unavailability.

If you're in this tug of war with the man, the best thing you can do is walk away. Click To Tweet

You might say that he’s sorting out his last relationship or he’s busy at work. He’s got a big project or his kids need him right now. Those are all rational lies that your mind tells you in order to prevent you from seeing what’s going on because your mind is trying to protect you from any painful experiences. In a way, what happens is your mind is protecting you but it’s keeping out some valuable information. I know you’re going to remember this and it’s going to help you in the future. There’s that saying, “Flee and they follow, follow and they flee.” This is what happens. There is this push and pull that happens. What happens is when you start to get close to somebody and things are going well and there are some mutual affection and some attention, you enjoy that and it feels good and you want more of that. It starts to make you long for some relationship stability. You do want that. You start to move in that direction.

What happens is when a man pulls away, it creates an automatic response in you to chase him because you want to get back into this feeling. You want to be the object of his affection and his attention that felt good. This phase is like a corral. It’s the hot phase and it’s designed to get you in the gate that leads to the corral where later you’ll be harnessed. I read that on the internet. It’s created to get the hook in your mouth and you win. That’s the hot phase. The cold phase is designed to make you long for more attention so that you’ll pursue. Both of the phases are dysfunctional. When you get into this phase with a man, you may not realize it but what you’ve done by pursuing a man is you’ve submitted to a man’s emotional and psychological need to control you. A lot of that comes from needing to control to feel safe. I’m not necessarily saying it’s bad, it’s just definitely something you need to be aware of so that you can cope with it. It’s a dance and it has a cycle. It’s like this push and pull.

Comfort And Discomfort; Power And Intimacy

He’ll pull away, you’ll pursue him and then he’ll back up. You’ll back up and then he’ll come towards you and it goes on and on until you become aware of the pattern. There is a difference between when a relationship has a little hiccup, when you’re first seeing each other and you like each other and you’re starting to feel vulnerable. Those are normal healthy feelings. It’s natural to feel for a man to maybe withdraw and maybe consider his position and consider his feelings. When that happens and you have a certain level of intimacy, then you want to invite a conversation and ask that man to talk to you about the pulling away. You want to create more intimacy in that moment and not more distance because if there’s distance then it’s just a game. When you’re in a relationship and a man is emotionally invested in you, then he’s going to want to have that conversation with you even though it’s an awkward conversation.

What happens is you’ll go from a phase of comfort and then you’ll get closer and then you go through a phase of discomfort because your zone is growing. You’re out of your comfort zone. You’ll go from comfort to discomfort back to comfort again, only your zone has grown and that’s called a paradigm shift. If you go from comfort to discomfort and you don’t go back to that zone again, then that means that the relationship is not going to develop. A man that’s playing that hot and cold game has burst of hot but it doesn’t result in any forward momentum. That’s the problem. It’s a game. It’s hot and cold and that’s exciting for them because they have this control over you, but the root cause of this behavior is it’s a desperate attempt to gain control over the uncontrollable and it’s love. He is trying to gain control over the uncontrollable which is love.

A man that’s wanting to play it safe is never going to allow himself to experience love. He’s going to dip his toe into that pool and he’s going to toy around with it, but he’s never going to commit to it because he’s too afraid of getting hurt. He has trust issues. He has fear of intimacy and you can’t continue to pursue him because you just push them further away. It makes us feel that a man has all the power, but the real power is in the intimacy. Real power is in intimacy and your ability to maintain contact in an intimate way. That’s where the real power comes. If you have that inner strength and confidence, you don’t have any fear of being open and honest with him when he pulls away because you know and you recognize that this is an opportunity to get closer. If he doesn’t take that opportunity, that’s a sure sign that he’s playing the game. He’s exerting that control so that he cannot get hurt, not get his feet wet, not jumping into the pool with you and go swimming into the deep end.

He’s going to play it safe and that’s dysfunctional especially if you’re looking for a relationship and a life partner. Just having an awareness about this game is going to help you because when it happens to you, you’re going to recognize it for what it is. That’s how you turn the table in your favor is by recognizing it. I talked to one of my clients and she reached out to me and I wanted to give her some support. She’s working in my program and she said that she’s dating a man. They’ve got close and she talked to him about what she was looking for and what she wants in long-term. She wants to get married and have children. He said that he didn’t think he would be ready for that and she said, “That’s what I want. Now that you know, you can reach out to me or not but I’m not going to pursue you.” He said, “Okay, fair enough.” A couple of days went by and he called her and she’s at dinner, so she answers the phone. She has a quick chat with him. He just called to say hi and that’s when she called me and she’s like, “What should I do?” She goes, “I think I’m going to send him a text tomorrow morning.” I’m like, “No, this is exactly what’s going on. He’s doing this hot and cold behavior.”

Hot And Cold: A man that’s wanting to play it safe is never going to allow himself to experience love.

He waits three days, he calls her and then it initiates that yearning and that longing to be the center of his attention again where she’s giving up her own ability to nurture and take care of her emotional needs. She’s looking for another person, some external source for that so she gets back into the game. The system kicks in again and there goes the pattern. She’s going to send him a text and now they’re back in this dance. Another two weeks will go by and that’s what happens. You lose time and that’s why you want to be aware of this and make sure that you don’t get stuck in it. If you are, know that this awareness of reading to this blog, if it’s resonating with you, this is your first step in changing and shifting that pattern and stepping into something more functional for yourself.

Once you recognize the pattern, you gain freedom from it. If you are in this pattern, know that all you have to do is stop contacting him and wait long enough for him to come back around if he’s going to and you’ll have your answer or you can simply set an appointment to talk to him. That’s what I think is the most functional. Say, “Do you have a few minutes tomorrow night? I’d love to sit down and talk to you a little bit about what’s going on.” If he makes that appointment, then you have something. You have someone that’s not afraid to be intimate and real because that’s what it’s all about. This person doesn’t want to be real. He just wants to play a game. It’s important that you ask these questions and that’s why it’s important and I encourage all of you to ask as many questions as you can before you get emotionally invested. It’s so much easier from that place to be curious about somebody and why they do what they do.

Playing Tug-Of-War

I’m going to be offering tons of support answering these questions and creating a lot of training about all these different scenarios in my program, my Engaged at Any Age year-long program that I am sending out emails and creating training and create this invitation so that we can work together. I’m very passionate about helping all of you become more intimate in your relationship so that you can have that deep, juicy, soulful relationship that all of you are reaching out to me and telling me you want. It’s going to require a little work. You’re going to have to shift out of your comfort zone and step out of that fearful place that you’re at and take some emotional risk. The bigger the risk, the bigger the game.

If you’re in this tug of war with a man, the best thing you can do is walk away. Cut your losses. Your time is better spent with someone who’s more functional. If you ask for that conversation and you get a reaction of anger or defensiveness or they’re giving you a guilt trip saying, “I’m working a lot.” This is revealing a lot to you so you want to ask those questions and take note of their response. If he doesn’t respond to you or shuts down, there’s information in that that you need to look at. Make sure you go ahead and ask the question. Have the courage to ask the question. If you don’t get a response, then that’s your answer. That person doesn’t have the skill set to have the type of relationship that you want because you just use a lot of emotional courage to ask these questions in the first place. You’re making yourself vulnerable to him so that you can go deeper. If he doesn’t respond to that, then that lets you know something that you need to know about that man.

Extended Travel Experiences

Anybody that’s straightforward and honest is somebody that you want to be in a relationship with. Anybody that is playing games in lieu of the ability to be real is not somebody that you want to be in a relationship with. I have some questions here, “He stopped calling. I was reaching out and still being open. I offered to talk but he’s avoided it repeatedly. I want a man who wants me and is clear that he wants me. He’s the one who brought all the commitment talks at day one that’s why I opened it up in the beginning?” There’s nothing you can do and there’s nothing you should do because he’s made it clear that he’s not interested in going deeper. He’s in fear. He got triggered and he’s afraid. That’s what you know for sure.

What is he going to do with that fear? He’s either going to remain out of contact with you or he’s going to step forward. You need to know that information about him. That’s telling you a lot about how he’s going to be in a relationship with you. As painful as it is when someone does this, it lets you know the level of intimacy that they’re capable of at the moment. I would say you got close with him but your timing’s off. Don’t get discouraged. Look at this as like, “I attracted somebody and we got close. I’m one step closer because I made myself vulnerable and I know how to do that.” I want you to continue to practice that level of vulnerability because when you do that, there’s strength in it. Because you’re being honest and you’re speaking your truth of what you want. The universe will rise up and meet you with the match to that vibration. That’s why you don’t want to pull back and shut your heart down. You will have to let this one go so the next one can come in. That’s what I want you to do.

Here’s the question that I want to answer. A gal wants to know, she has photos of extended travel experiences in India, Iceland, Italy, walking through Portugal, a month-long stay in the Netherlands. Is that too much?” I would say yes. That’s too much to put on your profile because you could trigger the scammers. It would trigger a scammer so I wouldn’t put all of that. One or two pictures of travel. You want to create enough intrigue for them to reach out to you but not give them the whole story. If you’re oversharing in your profile, it could intimidate men or invite those scammers to pursue you and you don’t want that. That’s an overshare. That information is what you want to leave your date. Don’t overshare on your profiles because you’ll invite some drama and you don’t want that.

Your emotional health and wellness is your responsibility. It's not a man's job to make you feel better. Click To Tweet

The other question that she had, someone writes on your photos and they comment on them and she responds back with a pleasant manner and then that’s it. Here’s the problem with that, when somebody makes a comment on your pictures, on your profile, that’s an awesome opportunity for you to ask a question back. I had this I woman I talked to and she said that there was a man with a picture of his dogs. She commented on his dogs and I said, “What did you say?” She said, “I love that breed. That’s one of my favorite breed of dogs.” I’m like, “That’s it?” She didn’t ask a question that begs for an answer. I’m like, “You missed an opportunity.” Make sure you’re asking questions. If he makes a comment on your profile like, “Nice dress or great legs or whatever.” You can say, “That dress brings back a lot of great memories. I was up in San Francisco when I bought it. Have you been to the city?” or something like that. Lead it into a conversation so that he has to respond to you and answer your question. Use those comments on your pictures to create more banter that will hopefully lead to a date. It’s always questions. Ask a lot of questions and that’s how you’ll get answers and connection.

Reaching Out To A Man

The next question is, “Is it okay to reach out to a man on a dating site?” “Absolutely.” That’s what it’s all about. You’ve got to get good at this banter. When you’re reaching out to a man on a dating site, it’s not a date it’s like flirting with a man on a networking event. You’re just saying, “How are you? What’s Your Business? What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?” You strike up conversations with strangers. You’re not getting courted until they ask you out but you can tee it up. You can let them know that you’re interested by engaging them on instant messaging and by sending an email. You send an email and it’s just a little note. It’s a question and a comment. You look at their profile and comment. Maybe they’re leaning up against a cool car. It seems that men love to put pictures of them leaning up against a cool car. You can say something about the car and then ask him a question. Ask him a question like, “How fast does that car can go?” Ask questions and be playful about it.

These questions need to be lighthearted and fun and almost teasing a little bit. A little mischievous. A little good banter goes a long way because it’s already awkward enough. You are flirting with a perfect stranger but what you’ll do is intrigue them enough to reach out and continue the conversation. I recommend doing this on instant message. It’s a good way to practice if you’re feeling sensitive, shy, and nervous about doing that. A good place to practice is instant messaging on your dating sites. What you do is you’ll just practice sending little notes to men that are online at the same time you are. With the intention of going back and forth a little bit and then saying, “I’ve got to run. Nice talking to you.” Get off the call, get off the instant messenger and then leave it up to them to contact you. They looked at your profile, they know how to get ahold of you. I would do this three or four times when you’re online, but the key is to only do it with men that are online at the same time that you’re online.

Hot And Cold: Don’t overshare on your profiles because you’ll invite some drama you would not want.

Power In Triggers

You don’t want to send emails to people that aren’t online. I recommend you do that as well but this is a strategy to help you get out of your comfort zone to create engagement and to have fun with it and you’re not looking for them to ask you out. You’re saying, “I’ve got to run. Great connecting.” Give him a little wink and then that’s it. It’s up to them to pursue you but you’ve set it up. I recommend this because it will help you to desensitize yourself about this whole dating process. I know it triggers a lot of fear and a lot of fear of rejection. That’s what it triggers and bring it on. Let those triggers come up because there’s power in those triggers. There’s information in those triggers. Your emotional triggers tell you something about you that you need to look at. You want to ask yourself this question, “What do my emotional triggers tell me about me?” If you’re triggered, then it’s something that’s going on inside of you. Usually, it’s a fear of rejection. Don’t reject yourself in the process. When you feel that, you want to look and ask yourself, “What is going on with me? What is my emotional trigger trying to tell me about me?” Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?”

Follow it to its source. Get to the bottom of it. Get to the root cause of what makes you feel that way because it can be very disempowering. If you don’t take action to feel better, then it’s on you. That is your responsibility. Your emotional health and wellness is your responsibility. It’s not a man’s job to make you feel better, it’s yours. What Michael and I have is I’ll take care of me for you and you take care of you for me and that’s a highly functional way to look at dating. Your emotional needs are just that. They’re your emotional needs so when you feel those needs come up, make sure you meet them and don’t abandon yourself in the dating process and then have the audacity to blame men for your emotional instability. The dating process is a fabulous way to do a lot of deep emotional work because it brings up a lot of things that you need to clear up anyway. You’re becoming a highly functional and emotionally mature woman and you’re getting a man at the same time. I say that that’s fantastic and it’s going to take as long as it takes.

Practice Receiving

The sooner you start working through these emotional triggers and understanding the game of hot and cold, the better you’re going to be in a relationship and the more space you can hold for that relationship. Let me answer this one last question. “I let a guy open the door for me this week. I felt proud because you popped into my mind while your voice was always saying, practice receiving and let men do things for you.” Yes, receive, “I receive. I receive. I receive.” That’s the mantra. Let a man come to you. You can drop the hanky, do that online flirting, but make sure that you are allowing what you’re asking for to come in by not pursuing men because they will pursue. They love a good chase. Give him one. Give them a run for their money and they’ll love that. The more you do that, the more fun it is for everybody and the more potential for a relationship. Because men love a challenge and they want to win you. When you don’t stay in receiving mode, they can lose interest.

It feels good to have a man step into his power. They want to step into their power and if we don’t hold that space, then we disempower them by acting on opening our doors and getting things that they can get for us. You want to keep that balance in the feminine-masculine energy moving along beautifully by staying in your receiving mode. I’m going to leave you with the mantra, “I receive,” because you’re worth it and you deserve it. You deserve to have everything you want. There is nothing that you should or shouldn’t want. You should expect to get what you want. That’s what I want you to hear. Expect to get what you want but you have to ask for it. I hope this was helpful. Thank you for being here. Please send me your questions so that I can make more training videos for you. Lots of love.

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Categories : Episodes

Tags : connection, Control, dating, Hot And Cold, intimacy, relationship

Week 5 The Wrap Party | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· September 3, 2019

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You’ve seen her. She’s walking down the street by herself. A swing in her step. A radiant smile on her face. Not a care in the world.

Everyone notices her because in a sea of people rushing to work while looking at their phones, this woman is HAPPY.

She’s enjoying the moment. She’s engaged with life. She’s present and grateful, and it shows!

The most attractive people on this earth are the ones who are madly in love with their LIFE! Everyone wants to be around someone who is positive, fun and passionate!

That characteristic stems from a healthy self-worth and a true appreciation of our CURRENT REALITY.

I remember a time when I was so sad. I had pretty much given up on love. All I could think about was the fact that I had failed at love and even though quite a bit of time had passed, I was STILL alone! My focus seemed to be on everything I didn’t have. And not surprisingly, that just made me feel worse. Gloomy. Not at all like the woman I described above!

Then I realized something. One night, as I sat outside by the ocean, I felt extreme gratitude for the beauty of that moment. And I realized how blessed I was. Alone for the moment, yes. But extraordinarily blessed.

I started LIVING. And it didn’t take long for a handsome, dashing man named Michael to take notice. He has always said that he noticed my spark and my energy first! Less than two years from that night at the ocean, we were married.

Love your life NOW, exactly as it is and you will find that people can’t take their eyes off of you!

Here are just a few ways you can squeeze joy out of life and flip your attraction switch to “ON!”

Be endlessly curious. Always keep learning. Ask questions. Engage in deep and interesting conversations!
Take a class. There has to be something that you’ve always wanted to try. Painting, sewing, mountain climbing, whatever! Get out there and test your limits with a group of like-minded people!
Learn a foreign language. You don’t have to become fluent. Just pick a language and learn to say “hello,” “goodbye,” “I love you,” and “wow, you’re handsome!”
Take a trip to somewhere you’ve never been. Go to a local map, close your eyes and point. Not only is this a great way to meet new people, but it will prove to you that you are an adventurer!
Make a blessings list. List everything in your life that you are grateful for. Your health, your clothes, the roof over your heard, your shiny hair, your genius IQ, etc. Gratitude is a POWERFUL catalyst for joy!
Make a list of all the things you can do now that you could NOT do in a relationship. What’s actually great about being single?

Here are just a few things that my clients have said:

I currently have full control over the TV remote!

I can spend a Sunday in sweat pants and not worry about anyone seeing me!

I miss sex, but for now, it’s nice to be able to take up the entire bed with NO pressure to perform!

Cooking for one! And sometimes it’s cereal for dinner!

I have NO schedule and no one to answer to. If I want to make last minute happy hour plans with the girls, or workout after work, I can!

Your turn! Take a minute to reflect on your day to day to life. What do you love to do now that might be tricky if you were in a relationship?

This exercise is just one more way to help you feel grateful and blessed and happy. And as you might remember, a happy, radiant, grateful woman is absolutely irresistible!

Congratulations. You’ve taken the 5-Week Summer Love Party Challenge. You’ve laid the fertile soil for love to grow. You have cleared your energy, opened your heart and built the foundation for a solid, committed, blissful relationship.

Practice these 5 things daily. Embody them. Live them! And soon, without even realizing how easy it was, you’ll fall madly in love.

Thank you for spending this time with me!

Much love,

Jaki

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Categories : All About You, Confidence, Feminine Essence

Week 4 The Big Reveal | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· August 27, 2019

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There’s one thing that none of us ever seem to have enough of.

And it’s the one thing we wish we had an endless supply of.

Time.

Time flies! No relationship is a waste of time (they all teach us something) but it can certainly save us time if we don’t fall into the trap of being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t actually meet most of our ideal man requirements!

Sure, we want to be a tad flexible. I know a lot of women who are happily married to people who weren’t necessarily their “type.”

But as a general rule, we want to have a clear picture of the exact man we want to attract for two reasons:

Knowing exactly who our ideal man is helps us recognize him when he walks through the door.

And clearly picturing him and feeling his energy sets the Law of Attraction in motion, magnetizing our love right to us!

You may have read my book Single to Committed, 7 Steps to Attract and Keep the Love of Your Life! In that book, I outline an exercise that guides you to mentally and emotionally creating your ideal man. It’s a blueprint for custom-designing your soul mate! It’s fun, and it’s necessary!

Fill in the blanks below as truthfully as you can.

Honesty is KEY here. If your ideal man is independently wealthy, write it down. If he has a full head of hair, write it down. Don’t worry about appearing shallow. NO one sees this but you, and you want to be honest so you don’t waste your time on someone who will never share the same values and goals that you hold dear!

Fill in the blanks:

I want a man who is….
My man enjoys…..
The most important things to my man are….
If I had to describe his looks I would say that he……
His most attractive qualities are…..
The values he holds dear are….
People often say that he is….
What I love most about him is that he makes me feel….

There you have it. Your custom-made haute couture man! Look at this list every single day or night. See him. Feel his energy around you and before you know it, he will be real!

See you next week for our final party!

Jaki

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Categories : All About You, Confidence, Feminine Essence

Week 3 The Velvet Rope | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· August 20, 2019

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Love is a funny thing. It quickens the heart and makes our palms sweat. Love can turn even the most confident, self-assured people into puddles of nervous mush! Love asks us to be vulnerable and open and yet it offers no guarantees!

Love asks us to bare our hearts and souls, to leap without a net and to walk through a door that leads to a place we cannot yet see.

And the only promise it makes us is that it COULD be the pathway to the love of our lives.

Isn’t that amazing??! Love MAKES us courageous. Sure the door might slam shut. But then again, it might not. It might lead us to our soulmate and to our happily ever after.

We are willing to take a chance because the “maybe” being offered to us is worth the risk.

My friends who are actors learn that even the auditions that are total flops are NOT failures. The actors learn something about themselves. They learn what to do differently. And perhaps this is most important.

Remember, there is no such thing as failure. Even if we take a risk and things don’t work out, we have gathered valuable information and the benefit of a practice run!

I have a challenge for you. I want you to take a little step just outside of your comfort zone; just left of what you would normally do!

Below are a few things you can try to prove to yourself that it’s ok to take risks! The world won’t end and you just might surprise yourself.

Here goes:

Call someone you don’t know. It can be someone you have been wanting to connect with for your business or a random name from the phone book. (Assuming some people out there still have a good old fashioned phone-book.) Even if you just end up saying that you have the wrong number, just call!
Hold eye contact. When you see a man in public, hold his gaze and smile for a FULL 5 seconds. Eye contact doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. It can be incredibly intimate. In fact, make sure you find your target attractive because this is a powerful attraction method.
Pay for the dinner of someone you don’t know. Next time you are in a restaurant, while you are still sitting there (as opposed to when you are leaving!) pay for the dinner or dessert of someone else sitting near you. They will likely come over to thank you, which allows you to have a nice conversation with a complete stranger. Just tell them that someone did something nice for you, and you were simply paying it forward.
Ask for something for free. Doesn’t matter if you don’t get it! Buying something from the farmer’s market? Say, “Will you throw in a free apple?” Bartering with credit card company? Say, “Any chance I could get one month interest free?” Again it doesn’t matter if they say “no,” but they just might say “yes”!
Eat out alone. Awesome, gutsy people have no problem eating alone. And it just might open the door for someone to fill the empty chair beside you.
Publicly declare your hidden dream! Tell your friends, tell your co-workers, post it on Facebook. Let the world know what your biggest, juiciest daydream really is!
Say “hi” and smile at every person you pass on the street. Not only does this stretch your comfort zone a bit, but it puts you in a position of BECOMING love. And you might just make someone else’s day! You never know who might have needed that simple kindness from you.

That’s it! Simple tricks for unlocking the feminine essence of courage! Love is quite possibly the riskiest adventure we will ever take. It is also, without a doubt, the most rewarding!

See you next time,

Jaki

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Categories : All About You, Confidence, Feminine Essence

Week 2 Ladies Night Out | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· August 13, 2019

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Who doesn’t love a good Ladies’ Night out! Remember when we were younger? We would get so excited about our nights out. I remember putting on music and spending hours getting ready, anticipating what the night might hold or who I might meet!

Here’s the truth:

You are radiant. You are sexy. And no matter what your journey has been like, that young, eager woman within is still there! I am going to show you a step-by-step way to reconnect to her!

Let me explain why this is important—A woman who is fully tapped into her feminine essence is totally irresistible!

We send out certain signals, certain energies even when we aren’t trying to. Connecting to the passionate woman within ensures that the signals you are sending are the right ones! The ones that say “Hey handsome! I’m here. I’m ready. Where are you taking me to dinner next week?”

There is no young or old version of you. There’s just YOU. Your pure essence. And the hopes, dreams, emotions and desires that make you unique.

The version of you that you remember so fondly? She’s still there. And you can call on her energy any time!

Here are some fun, step by step things you can do to unleash the REAL you!

Think back to a time in your life when you felt MOST alive! When did you feel full of passion, full of life and enthusiasm? Re-visit that memory. Use all 5 of your senses. Feel it. See it. Smell it. That woman you are re-visiting, the one who is smiling and full of confidence, is still there. Still you. Recall this memory any time you need a pick-me-up.
Put on your birthday suit! That’s right. Take off your clothes. Look in the mirror. Lounge around your room. Do laundry. Whatever! But allow yourself to be naked! SEE how miraculous your body is. See your curves, your softness, your strong muscles. Notice the things about your body that are beautiful. This is you. And it’s gorgeous. I encourage you to spend at least five or ten minutes a day in nothing but the body you were blessed with! (A lot of women want to skip this step but please don’t. It’s so important!)
Put on some music and move! It doesn’t matter if you can’t dance. No one is judging. Feel the music. Move to it. Allow your body to lead you however it wants to go. Close your eyes and light some candles and feel the rhythm!
Take a bath using beautiful bath salts or bubble bath light candles or incense. If you don’t have a bathtub, treat yourself to a long warm shower using a fragrant scrub or body wash. Take extra time to nurture your body with whatever lotions, potions and creams you have on hand! Give your hair a deep conditioning and leave it in longer so you have ultra-soft hair. This is pure self-nurturing, and it feels great!

I promise that if you commit to these practices, you are going to feel more alive, more passionate, and more READY to open up to a potential lover.

See you next week.

Jaki

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Categories : All About You, Confidence, Dating, Feminine Essence

Meet Trailblazer Jaki Sabourin

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· August 12, 2019

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Today we’d like to introduce you to Jaki Sabourin.

So, before we jump into specific questions about the business, why don’t you give us some details about you and your story.
I spent 25 years in spiritual and self-discovery while living on the magical island of Maui. It was in this transcendental environment that I began my training as a Communication Specialist, and immersed myself deeply into the studies of meditation and personal awareness.

It was during that journey that I experienced a breakdown in my first marriage, which left me as a single mother with two children to nurture while healing myself. That challenge brought with it the most significant growth discoveries as I came to understand the blocks that were holding me back from receiving love, money, and happiness.

When I moved to La Jolla in 2010, I committed to breaking through those blocks and developed the formula that allowed me create a life with the man of my dreams!

I had to get self-aware. I had to learn to master my thoughts and to embrace my femininity. I followed specific steps that took me on a journey of self-discovery and passionate love. And now, I am sharing those steps with women all over the world.

We’re always bombarded by how great it is to pursue your passion, etc. – but we’ve spoken with enough people to know that it’s not always easy. Overall, would you say things have been easy for you?
No! My personal journey was littered with self-help obstacles! I had to get good at overcoming obstacles. In life, there will always be twists and turns along the way. Accepting this fact and embracing it is very empowering.

When I launched my online virtual coaching company in 2010, I didn’t have the faintest idea of how to use a virtual platform. I knew I had to reach as many women as possible. I went through an intense learning curve, which was rewarding in so many ways. If you are willing to step out of your comfort zone, you can achieve anything with the right mindset, accountability, and support.

The key to success is belief. Your beliefs create your reality. If you have a big belief, you will take big actions and have big results. Similarly, if painful relationships experiences have influenced your beliefs, you will most likely take little action and have no results.

Overcoming my own challenges has been one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. It’s given me the skillset to teach women to consistently overcome their challenges so they can experience what’s possible for their life and relationships.

Please tell us more about what you do, what you are currently focused on and most proud of.
I am an Executive Love Coach, Keynote Speaker, founder and CEO of Engaged at Any Age®, a Company that teaches women how to create conscious love.

I’m known for being the “man whisperer” due to my success at teaching women to understand themselves first, which leads to connecting on a deeper level with a man! I teach women to use a “feather” instead of a “sledgehammer” with men, which results in more harmonious relationships based on the foundation that “good relationships are just a conversation away.”

My practical no-nonsense attitude has led to hundreds of my clients meeting their ideal match. My philosophy is that “I am my own first client”. I embody the skillset I teach and am a role model for women everywhere. My husband and I have a relationship that is built on honesty, integrity, and mutual respect.

I have a popular “YouTube” channel “Engaged at Any Age” where I have hundreds of free training videos to support women on their journey to love.

We’re interested to hear your thoughts on female leadership – in particular, what do you feel are the biggest barriers or obstacles?
I feel the only barriers in female leadership in my industry are the ones that we impose on ourselves.
If you have a strong work ethic, clear mission statement, and plenty of passion, anything is possible!

I think it’s a remarkable time for entrepreneurial female leaders. With the internet and social media, you can achieve your dreams much faster than ever before.

I love to give back to women by recruiting and training my clients to work as coaches in my company once they complete my course. It’s truly a blessing to watch women transform their lives because it creates a ripple effect of wholeness, balance, and self-empowerment! That’s what get’s me out of bed every day!

Article re-posted from SDVoyager

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Categories : All About You

Week 1: Garden Party | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· August 6, 2019

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I am SO happy that you are here with me, on a shared mission to fall madly in love.

Today’s Topic? Gardening! Sort of…

On this day we are planting the fertile ground from which love can grow. You cannot attract love into your life until you pull the lingering weeds—the negativity. If there is any part of you that feels a little cynical, any part of you that’s holding onto old programming or resentment, I am going to show you how to purge that so that you can send the message out to men that you are READY!

You might be wondering how you know if there’s any lingering weeds. It’s easy. If you’ve ever said or thought any of the following sentences, you are in need of a good gardener!

“I’m just too old to fall in love”
“All men are jerks.”
“I only attract unavailable men.”
“There’s no such thing as true love.”

Stop right there! There are MILLIONS of happily committed couples in the world. There is no reason you can’t be one of them!

Any thoughts like the ones above are just products of past pain. PAST pain. Pain that has no place in your life anymore. Pain that was born out of the shortcomings of someone ELSE, not you; someone who couldn’t process, give or receive love.

That sounds a lot like the OPPOSITE of what you are looking for, so why spend another minute renting space to thoughts that are not aligned with your CURRENT goals?

Here is my all- time FAVORITE way to clear my energy and BECOME love.

It’s an ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness called Ho’oponopono. It literally means “to correct and set right.”

Here’s how you do it:

Find a place where you can sit or lay down quietly
Take a few deep cleansing breaths and close your eyes
State with all your heart “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” Say it over and over. Mean it. Feel it. There is nothing as powerful as LOVE!

It might feel strange to be asking for forgiveness. After all, YOU may have been wronged. But we aren’t just forgiving those who have hurt us here. We are forgiving ourselves for any part we had in it, for anything we carried and held onto, for anything we allowed.

Practice this for as many people or situations that come to mind. You may find you are forgiving people who wronged you in grade school!

It’s a beautiful process that wipes your slate clean and opens the door to your heart.

See you next week!

Love,

Jaki

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Categories : All About You, Confidence, Feminine Essence

I Met My Husband On Match.com | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin

· July 23, 2019

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As the world becomes even more connected, thanks to technology, we get to meet people from a variety of ways – be that on the street, inside a restaurant, and even online. Jaki invites her husband, Michael, as they talk about meeting for the first time and knowing that something clicked for them. Sharing their beautiful encounter, they recall finding about each other on Match and the anxiety of first dates. Jaki also gets Michael’s perspective on how men think about meeting a woman for the first time and what stands out for them. They then talk about the multiple sides of dating, from paying the bill to showing who you are.

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Watch the episode here:

I Met My Husband On Match.com

We’re taking a deep dive into loving the single life, mastering dating, and attracting the one. I am featuring my soul mate husband, Michael Sabourin. Michael, thanks for being here and welcome.

Hello to everyone that is going to take the time to read this. It’s my pleasure to offer insights into my experiences and hopefully, you’ll be able to find your soul mate as well.

Thank you so much for being here, ladies. I was excited to introduce Michael to you because I know a lot of women ask me about Michael and my experience in meeting him. They want to hear from him about his online dating experience because we met on Match and we’ve been together for a few years. This is the man who said to me when I met him, “I’m never getting married again.” Michael, will you give the ladies a little history and your background? Share with them a little bit about you.

I graduated from college with a degree in business. For many years, I have been working in the business environment in a few different industries. I’ve been working as a developer and a home builder. I have also been married previously and I have two wonderful children who are 24 and 27 years old. I’m proud of both of them.

The ladies that are in my community, I surveyed them. I asked them what they wanted me to ask you and the first couple of questions came up. They wanted to hear from you on how did you know that I was the one? What made you fall in love with me? What was the difference between me and the other women that you dated? If you can talk a little bit about that, that’d be great.

That has a lot of different doors to open. The first time I saw your profile on Match, I remember it vividly. I was sitting at home on a Friday evening. I work late. I was scrolling through Match and I saw your photo and I thought, “What a beautiful woman.” I read your profile and I thought, “She has an even more beautiful heart,” and that drew me to you immediately. I sent an email on Friday night and on Saturday, you responded back to me. I responded back and said, “I would like to have a phone conversation if you’re up for it.” You replied back, “Yes.” I was with my son Saturday and Sunday, I remember well because it was Father’s Day on Sunday and I said, “I would be unavailable for the day.”

After my son and I had spent the day experiencing all the wonderful things we love to do together, that I would be more than happy to get on a phone call. We got on a phone call that night and it was a wonderful conversation. I remember thinking that, “We share a lot of the same values.” That was important to me. We arranged to meet the next night. We met at one of our favorite restaurants in La Jolla. I can remember watching you walk down the sidewalk into the restaurant and what a wonderful feeling I had when you walked in that door.

For me, I remember walking down that sidewalk and wanting to run the other way. I was nervous. First dates are nerve-wracking. This was another first date experience. I had this fear come up in me. If you’ve been on many first dates or maybe it’s your first one, you haven’t been dating in a while. It’s scary to go on a first date. The impulse to run or to get out of there, to not show yourself, be vulnerable and be authentic, it’s intense. I overcame it. I kept going and I’m glad I did. I’m glad I didn’t run. I walked into that restaurant and looked Michael right in the eye, smiling at him. He was such a gentleman the entire evening. He stood up when I approached and helped pulled my chair out for me. We proceeded to have a nice evening together. I’m glad I showed up for that date and here we are.

I remember that evening well. I could sense that nervousness about you. My thought was, “I need to do whatever I can do to make her feel relaxed and comfortable.” I was myself. I was calm. I used my normal personality, wit, and humor. It wasn’t long until we were both very relaxed and in a conversation and a dialogue. From that moment on, I had this nervous energy about me but it was a positive, nervous energy. It was excitement. It was a rejuvenated sense about being with somebody that I thought I could get along with and form a relationship with.

You got all of that from a first date. Do you feel that men can tell? They get a sense for a woman on the first date and can make some assumptions about whether or not they see a future with her or not.

I thought so from the day that I saw you on Match, then on our phone conversation, then in our meeting at the restaurant. What I found was you were always consistent. I found that we shared values. We learned about each other, that we shared a lot of the same interests and that helped in me thinking, “This could be a long-term relationship and the finding of a soul mate.” One thing that I found that happened to me is I constantly thought of you. Whether I was at work, whether I was at home or whatever I was doing, I was thinking of you and of the possibilities.

Do you still think of me all the time?

I do because I text you throughout the day. As the largest privately held builder in San Diego, I am a very busy person, but I always think of you. I take the time to text you and call you every day. It’s important to me and for you.

That’s one of the things I love about you and I appreciate those texts you send me that say, “I’m thinking of you.” What are some of the other qualities? Do you remember any of the experiences that we had in the first couple of dates that stood out to you? The women that are reading this are trying to get a feel for how important it is to use the skills and strategies that all the experts are talking about on this summit. How important they are and how they can convert into a relationship if you apply those on the first couple of dates and interactions in your profile.

I’ll summarize it first and then I’ll tell you some details. You were fun and you’re easy. We are easy.

We have a sense of humor, ladies. You have to know that about us. You have to have a sense of humor in this process, otherwise, it’s too hard. You have to bring some levity to it.

When we don't use boundaries, we feel uncomfortable. Click To Tweet

Yes, you are. I found that being with you was easy. I remember that when we went out on our second date, we had sat down at the table in a nice restaurant in La Jolla. We had ordered a bottle of wine. The wine steward had poured the wine and as we were making a toast to our second date, I started to drink and I had a mouthful of wine. You said, “I decided to give you a second chance.” As you said that, I looked at you and I had a mouthful of wine. It struck me as funny and I spewed an entire mouthful of red wine on your white outfit.

It happened. He totally did that. You can imagine how shocked I was on a second date to have that. I had red wine dripping off my eyelashes.

It was something. I felt sorry and apologetic, but you let it run off your shoulders. I was surprised that you didn’t get upset. You didn’t yell. You didn’t leave. You said, “It’s not a problem,” and I remember the waiter saw it. When he saw it, he was like, “I can’t believe this happened.” He ran over with soda water. You took it. You went to the restroom, dabbed yourself out. You came back and we had a wonderful dinner. That’s one of the things that I immediately registered in my mind. It didn’t take long to realize how sweet you are. It came through clear. You are compassionate and I could feel that. One of the things I liked is that you communicated well. You are the best communicator I have ever met. You tell me what you want. You tell me what you need. You’re open about it in such a loving and sensitive way. You’re the best. I can’t say more.

I liked that you said, “In a sensitive way.” What happens with women is that we do have needs and wants and desires, but we have a hard time articulating those things to the men. A lot of times we don’t say anything and then we start to resent them. We’re not being able to read our mind or we will attempt to share what we want, but in that process use the wrong tone or present it in a more abrasive way which will alienate a man. It’s not what you say. It’s how you say it and always approaching everything with a feather and not hammering it in but inviting him to want to please you by approaching it in a soft way. I know that if I approach you from that way, anybody is more than happy to help. When you’re coming at somebody aggressively or too direct, sometimes people tend to back up and close down, especially with men. That might come from experiences or from not wanting to hurt women that men shut down. I don’t know if you had that experience, but that could be pretty common.

One of the things that I admired about you is that you taught me. I’ve been in business a long time, but this is not just in business. This is in personal life. I saw that you had boundaries and I was impressed with the way that you do that. You do that in your daily life. Let me give you an example of what was eye-opening for me. You and I were dating. It was early. We went to a restaurant. We had run into friends of mine and they were friends of mine for a long time. We spoke for a couple minutes and you and I were having a nice evening catching up with each other after work. Out of the blue, this person reached across and said, “Michael, how is Leslie?” It happens to be my ex-wife. I looked at her and I was stunned that she would say that and I’m with Jaki.

Jaki didn’t even hesitate. She leaned over in front of me and said, “Excuse me, that’s inappropriate. We’re not going to discuss that tonight.” This person sat back and realized that was out of line, that was inappropriate, and it didn’t go anywhere else. That’s only one example but she is so good about setting boundaries at every level. She does it in a compassionate, loving, and sensitive way. She doesn’t get in your face. She doesn’t yell. She doesn’t raise her voice. She just says the right thing. That’s what I love about her and I’ve learned to do and be better myself because I’m not as good as Jaki is.

I don’t know. I might disagree with you but certainly having boundaries is such an important part about relationships because boundaries help us to feel safe. When we don’t use boundaries, we feel uncomfortable. If I had not had the courage to say what I said in a way that woman could receive it, then I would have had to sit there and listen to perhaps them discuss something that would make me uncomfortable. If Michael didn’t have boundaries, he might have felt obligated to share something with the woman, even though it was an inappropriate question because he wanted to be nice. He wanted to be polite.

Boundaries in dating go hand-in-hand. You have to have clear boundaries in dating, but in life especially because they make you feel safe. They give the relationship structure and we need that so we can relax. I know that you’re going to hear a lot about boundaries on this summit and that’s a great example. I’m glad that you remember that and are sharing it with the ladies. Let’s move on to talking about dating. I would love for you to share your experience online. I know you were online looking for me and it took you as long as it took you. Tell us a little bit about your experience, what you went through, and what it was like dating. The things that you saw that women did that would support them and be able to apply something that could make a difference in how they’re showing up.

Dating: When you constantly think about a person, that’s where all the possibilities come out.

I was on Match and for some reason I thought, “I’m not going to put my photos up there. I’m not going to put my profile out there. I’m going to go out and see what happens.” Nothing happened. I finally said, “I’m going to put my photos out there and I’m going to put my profile.” It’s important to make sure you put a profile that is truthful, honest, and realistic about whom you are. I put the profile out there and all of the sudden I was getting all kinds of contacts and dates. I don’t know how many dates I had, but I had 40 to 50. It was a wonderful experience. I never met someone that I didn’t enjoy, but I had no connection with. It was important for me to get out there and put that profile out there. For me, as busy as I am, it was the best way to meet people or meet women. That’s what I was looking for. I was happy when I finally put my profile and everything out online.

You launched your profile. You started the dating process. You went on many dates. Tell me what that was like? Did you feel you improved over time and the beginning it was awkward? How was it for the women? How often did you see them? Did you have any structure around how you were conducting yourself? Was it always dinner? Tell us a little bit about that?

Me personally, and I don’t know how it is for others, but I always invited the woman to have a drink. We met at a nice restaurant bar, very well-known and showed up no matter what. I knew there was a connection or not within a minute or two and it didn’t matter to me. I thought, “I invited this person out for a drink. I’m going to have dinner tonight as well. I might as well have dinner with them,” and I got to know them a little bit. I bought dinner for them and bought drinks. In some cases, I let them know at that point, “I don’t think this is a relationship that’s going to go anywhere.” Sometimes it happened in an email later, but I never had a second date with anyone that I didn’t think I had a good future with. Jaki was the only one over the course of years.

Let’s go back to the check. Without making any assumptions about paying, but where do you stand with that? How did you feel about the dates going on and what was your position on who pays for the check?

In my opinion, if the man doesn’t offer to pay for the check, you have a big red flag. You need to look for that. Don’t ever offer to pay for the check, period. I don’t care if you sit there for ten minutes and stare at each other. Don’t offer to pay for that check. I don’t feel that a woman can’t ask a man out for a drink or a date, but a first red sign if he’s not willing to pay for that. It’s drinks and dinner. I feel strongly about you as a woman not offering and not paying for that first date drink and dinner.

Why do you feel that way? Why do you feel appropriate that you should pay? Where does that come from?

It’s a real sign of what that man is all about. If he’s not willing to pick up the tab, there are signs of his character already. It tells me he’s not a man’s man. I work in a high-profile industry and have friends and business associates at every level. There is not a man that I respect that would not offer to pick that check up. Please, don’t do it.

That’s solid advice. Sit on your hand, ladies. Listen to Michael. You’re worth it and be open to receiving and being interested and curious about what this man in front of you is offering because that’s going to give you a lot of insight into what’s next. If you’re getting the invitation, he’s asking you out, make the assumption that he’s going to take care of it. Here’s my recommendation if he doesn’t. In case this happens to you, so you’ll know what to do. If the check comes and he doesn’t make a move for it and/or he asks you, “Do you want to split it?” What I recommend doing at that point, being graceful about it and acting a little surprised.

A man that's interested in you is not going to push you or run away just because you don't have sex after the first couple of dates. Click To Tweet

I want you to receive it gracefully and be like, “Sure.” You can hesitate a little bit. Let him know that you weren’t expecting it, but I would definitely go ahead and split it. That’s why I always encourage you to do a coffee or wine. If that’s the approach of the man, then you’re not out for half of the dinner. That does happen. It’s happened to me once. It might happen to you. Go ahead and be graceful and I wouldn’t recommend going out with him again if you want the man to assume that masculine position. Is there anything you recommend that the ladies don’t do on dates or maybe that the women should be doing? What’s the biggest tip you’ll give them that women should be doing?

There are many of them. I’ll try and cover a couple. The do’s you should do, you need to smile and be fun. I’m going to focus on the smile a little bit. This isn’t just about dating. This is about your entire life. If you want to be recognized, if you want to climb in life, you need to smile. You need to smile wherever you are. You need to make it authentic. You need to make it a part of who you are. You need to let people know you’re happy, you’re friendly. You need to know that they can approach you. Smiling is the biggest asset you can ever have. I do it not because I think, “I need to get something.” When I walk down the street, I walk straight and tall. I have my head up and my eyes are open. I look at people that I’m approaching and I give them a smile. You will not believe the number of people and the friends I have made just by smiling in my office building.

I can’t tell you how many people, especially women who have come up to me and said, “I see you at Starbucks all the time,” and I’ll be in a completely different part of town. I oftentimes don’t even recognize them, but they recognize me because I smile and make their day. Always do that because remember this, whether you’re at a party and hoping to meet somebody there or at any occasion, men are looking at you, no matter where you are. You may not even see them, but they can see if you’re smiling, engaging, and they will make a judgment about you from afar. Remember that. You need to show that you’re a happy and fun person. That’s a critical one. Have a sense of humor. Be conversational. Don’t talk, talk, talk. You want to make sure that you’re having a dialogue with somebody on a date. Have a personality, but make sure it’s your personality and be truthful with who you are. Be yourself.

I like that you said be yourself because sometimes what happens is we get nervous and we are being cautious or we’re wanting to be perceived a certain way. The best way to be perceived as an authentic real person and that would include admitting that, “I’m feeling a little nervous on this date. I’m sorry I’m running late. I was having a bad hair day. I’m sorry I couldn’t find parking,” or whatever. Be okay with where you are and who you are in life because that’s going to be received well.

A few of the don’ts is don’t pay. Please don’t do it. You are showing a negative side, in my opinion. I wouldn’t respect a woman that would pay. I don’t think you should and you shouldn’t respect a man that would think that you should be paying. Other attributes, don’t be negative. Don’t be complaining. Don’t be pushy if you’re starting to date somebody. Don’t be controlling if you’re dating for the second, third or fourth time. Insecurity can come out in a lot of different ways. Don’t try to be insecure. Be confident. Be positive.

This may sound obvious to you, but don’t have sex too soon and that’s important. You don’t want to have sex on your first and second date. You don’t know the man well enough. You don’t know his intentions well enough, so don’t do that. Believe it or not, a man that’s interested in you is not going to push you or run away because you don’t have sex after the first couple of dates. He may do you the best thing ever and run away after you don’t and you learn he was not interested in a long-term commitment. He just wanted to have sex. That’s critical.

That’s where the boundaries come in. Be truthful to what it is that you want to attract. If you’re reading this and you wanted a committed relationship, a man is not expecting you to sleep with him. He wants to get to know you as well. Men want to have sex, but it doesn’t mean he’s going to pressure you. If a man is looking for a long-term relationship, he wants to get to know you as well. Would you agree with that?

I wanted to have sex with you from the moment I saw you, I’ll be honest. We didn’t. I took that pressure home. There’s one other thing. Don’t send nude photos of yourself. I say that because I definitely had that experience on quite a few occasions.

Dating: If the man doesn’t offer to pay for the check, you have a big red flag.

Don’t send pictures that are inappropriate. Keep everything as vanilla as possible until you know what that man’s real intentions are.

This one’s a difficult one but learn to be nonjudgmental. The most nonjudgmental person I know is Jaki. I have learned much from her on how to be more understanding of people. People, especially men on a first date, second date, they will read and realize and determine that you’re being judgmental in a certain way by just what you say, your tone, and your mannerisms. Keep things fun, uplifting, and positive as you get to know the person that you’re dating. You will date them much longer. It may not work out in the long run, but you will make a lot more progress.

Michael said to me about a month into dating, we’d gotten to maybe ten dates, maybe more, maybe less. The point is that we went to a nice restaurant and I don’t remember the exact conversation, but something came up. We were on this topic and he blurts out and he said, “I’m never getting married again.” Do you remember that?

I know right where we were as well.

What did I say when you said that?

I remember saying that to you and you said, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to marry you,” and I thought, “This is great. I’m home free.” Now, look at me. Here I am, married to the most beautiful woman in the world.

What happened for me was when he threw that brick at me, I call it throwing an emotional brick, a lot of women would get up and want to run, shut down the date, and become judgmental. I knew that was coming from fear because everything that Michael had done up to that point, all of his actions had been very supporting of wanting committed relationships. We even discussed it in the beginning. We established that was what we both were interested in. We didn’t know if it was with each other, but we were at least on the same page. Everything that he’d done up to that moment had led me to believe that he was commitment-minded, that he liked a lot about being married, and I could see him married again.

I knew that whatever we had been discussing or something had triggered him and he was having some fears come up. I was able to handle that at the moment with a little humor, but inside I was very disappointed that he said that because it did rock my world a little bit. I handled it with some ease and grace and looked at the overall picture. I wasn’t trying to change Michael. It’s that some things weren’t lining up. We’re married and he came to the realization that he did want that. It’s all about actions. It’s what a man is saying and doing, so you’re watching for that congruency in everything a man says and everything he does if they’re in alignment. I’m not saying don’t listen to a man when he says I’m not going to get married because he might be telling you the truth. In this case, I thought it was a little out of alignment.

When a man is using words and telling you he's going to do something, make sure that there is action behind the words. Click To Tweet

When a man is using words and is telling you he’s going to do something, you need to make sure he follows through and that there is action behind the words. Men will say whatever they think they need to say to get rid of the issue, get rid of the subject. If he says he’s going to do something, he better follow-up. That’s a real good man. If they aren’t following up with what they say they’re going to do, then it’s another red flag.

That’s such sage advice. It’s all about the actions and a man might say something but if he’s not doing it, then there’s definitely something you need to be paying attention to. We could go on and on and keep talking. There’s so much that we can share with the ladies. I want to thank you so much for your time and for the beautiful life that we share together. For you being such a man of integrity, a man of your word, and someone I admire and look up to. I love sharing my life with you and I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciate everything that you do for me. Being here to share with the ladies and us modeling for the women that are reading what it looks like and sounds like to have a highly functional, successful, and mature love relationship. Thank you, Michael, for being here. I appreciate your time.

Dating: Be truthful to what it is that you want to attract.

Likewise, I love you. It’s a great relationship and I hear people say, “Marriage and relationships are so much work.” If you do it right, it’s pretty easy. There are always little things here and there, but it’s pretty easy between Jaki and me. We love and respect each other.

Ladies, you heard it from Michael. Keep going. Take those risks. Never give up on love. Thank you again for being a part of this and I look forward to connecting with you as this unfolds.

I love you.

I have one more thing I want to share. We wanted to say one more thing as we were sitting side by side that we want to encourage you to not give up, no matter how long it takes. It might take two years, five years or ten years. You can never give up because love is at the end of it and it will be so worthwhile. You’ll forget about all the dating blues and all the challenges you had. You’ll be a better person for it and then you’ll have love in your life.

Listen to Jaki. Follow her advice. Take more risks. Get out there and do it. The most important thing is you have to do the work. Never give up on love.

Thank you for being here.

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Categories : Episodes

Tags : Authenticity, Boundaries, dating, Marriage, Match.com, Paying