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EAA 20 | Emotionally Unavailable Men

Stop Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin 
· September 24, 2019 
· No Comments

EAA 20 | Emotionally Unavailable Men

 

Nothing makes a relationship better than to be able to connect with the person you are with on a deeper and intimate level. To those who are not as fortunate to come by with this connection, we may find ourselves going around attracting emotionally unavailable men. Go past this and start attracting those that are truly available emotionally as Jaki leads you to find that intimacy within yourself first. As the saying goes, we attract what we are. Deep dive within and self-examine as you reclaim self-love and eventually attract the right person.

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Watch the episode here:

Stop Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men

I want to talk to you about how to stop attracting emotionally unavailable men because it’s a big topic. A lot of women complain that there are no emotionally available men. I want to have a candid discussion about it. I love talking about emotional availability because it is like heaven on Earth when you meet with a man and you can connect with him on a deeper intimate level. Let’s start out with defining what is intimacy? What is real intimacy? Intimacy is into me I see. It is your ability to see and look deep within yourself regardless of whether you display less than perfect behavior. What I mean by that is no matter what you’ve done or what you say or what you did in the past or you’re doing now, you’re not afraid to self-examine. You’re not afraid to ask those deep questions of yourself so that you get the answers. You can become more intimate with yourself and stop listening to your mind’s rationalizations about situations that happened.

Intimacy is your ability to see and look deep within yourself regardless of whether you display less than perfect behavior. Click To Tweet

It’s you being completely emotionally honest and open with yourself about what’s going on without rationalizing. You can only be emotionally intimate with a man to the degree that you are emotionally intimate with your own self because you can’t give away what you don’t have inside. If you haven’t done that deep inner work to go in and explore the blocks you have or the painful experiences you’ve had and heal them, you’re not meeting a man from that authentic place. You’re meeting him from the place of those painful experiences because those painful experiences act as blocks and barriers. They are protecting you from experiencing any more pain, but they’re also keeping you from being intimate because they act as a barrier. That’s why it’s important to self-examine and self-inquire. Ask yourself a lot of questions, “What am I feeling? What is this anchored to? Why am I feeling this way,” so you can understand yourself. When you are intimate with yourself and you can understand yourself, then that’s when you have the ability to be in a relationship with an emotionally available man.

If you’re attracting emotionally unavailable men, then it’s a sign. Don’t take this the wrong way please because you know I love you. It’s a sign that you are not being emotionally available on some level. Here’s the good part about this. You’re getting instant feedback from the men that you’re dating because dating provides a mirror. It’s like looking in the mirror. However, he’s acting is a response to how you’re acting. Likes attract likes. We attract men into our lives to help us grow, to help us see how we’re showing up. That’s why this is so exciting. It’s such a beautiful work. Look at dating as an opportunity to grow yourself and through that process, you will attract an emotionally available man. I want to mention what happens when a man withdraws his emotional intimacy. You’re dating a man and he doesn’t call you back and you’ve been seeing him for a couple of weeks or a month or longer. He doesn’t get back to you or he doesn’t answer your questions when you ask him or he avoids topics.

Those are all signs of emotional unavailability and that he’s distancing himself. He’s demonstrating to you that he’s emotionally not available. I don’t know why that is, but I can speculate. How I can speculate is I would look at his past. It’s important when you get involved with a man, especially if you want a long-term relationship with him, that you discover what experiences he’s had in his history that has caused him pain. Those are going to be clues into why he withdraws because he might be triggered. Men go through painful experiences like we do and they hide it. They hide it from not only you but they hide it from themselves. They may not even be aware that they’re doing that. That’s why it’s so important for you to do the inner work on yourself and become more emotionally intimate with yourself. You have the capacity to signal your man when he drifts, when he withdraws emotionally. You can signal him in a way that he can respond to you without feeling defensive or withdrawing even further.

How do you do that? Very carefully, for one. You use responsible communication. That’s how you do it. Responsible communication is a communication technique that is based on sharing from a place, coming from love, but also with the utmost respect and conscious listening and also being able to share how you feel and being heard by both parties. I recommend you set an appointment. If something occurs and you want to create more intimacy, you need to reach out and set an appointment. It sounds something like this, “On Friday, you said something to me that I didn’t quite understand,” and you would always mention what it was because you don’t want your man to worry about what it is you want to talk to him about it. Because anytime you tell them and you want to talk, his red flag goes up and he starts to retreat. You want to put him at ease right away by explaining to him what it is you want to share with him.

EAA 20 | Emotionally Unavailable Men

Emotionally Unavailable Men: The amount of emotional honesty and truth that you want from a man is directly proportionate to how much you’re willing to share with how you feel.

 

You say, “When we were out Friday night, you said something about the trip. I was wondering if we can talk about that more on Sunday.” You’re not putting him on the spot right now. You’re giving him a heads-up notice that you want to have a deeper discussion about a comment he made and what the comment is and the topic is and when you want to talk about it. Then he’ll say, “That will be fine.” At least he’s set up so that he can think about what he said and he’s prepared to talk to you so he doesn’t feel sabotaged. He doesn’t feel attacked. He doesn’t feel taken off guard. You’re giving him the benefit of the doubt. You’re also showing respect by not dumping that on him like, “I want to talk to you,” and maybe it’s not the right time. Maybe you’re in the car going to someplace. If you start that conversation, it’s going to result in an argument. That’s why you want to use responsible communication, to create more intimacy, to create more emotional availability.

You can do this together, you can build this relationship together. Even if you start off with a little emotional unavailability, you can build it together, but you need to know the signs. If he withdraws, it’s a sign that something’s going on and you can signal him by asking him for an appointment to talk about it so that he can share what’s going on with him. When he does that, you want to be careful not to interrupt him, not to take it personal, and not to make any assumptions. You need to let him talk until he’s done talking. I always recommend repeating back what he shared with you until he feels that he was heard. When you do that, you’re going to develop so much intimacy that he’s going to be reluctant to withdraw again. You’ve made it safe for him to stay in the relationship and share how he feels because you are going to become defensive or accusatory. You’re not going to interrupt him. You’re going to make it safe for him to share. That’s how you create intimacy fast.

What you don’t want to do is withdraw or retaliate using childish ego-based defensive reaction, like not talking to him for a couple of days. That’s called a violation of emotional distance. That’s very harmful. When somebody withdraws their affection or their attention from you, for the level of intimacy you share. If you’re in a relationship, it’s very painful. It’s like giving somebody the cold shoulder. It’s dysfunctional, it’s immature and it has to stop. You cannot do that in a relationship if you want it to last. You need to respect each other’s boundaries by asking for those appointments when you feel that he’s withdrawing. Another way to tell if a man’s emotionally unavailable is if he’s reluctant to share on a deeper level about anything at all. If he wants to keep things on the surface. If he avoids talking about things that are important to you, then that would be a sign that he’s choosing not to be emotionally available or he doesn’t know how to be emotionally available.

If he doesn’t know how to be emotionally available, you can go first by making yourself more available. I’ll tell you how to do that right now. The amount of emotional honesty and truth that you want from a man is directly proportionate by how much you’re willing to share with how you feel, about your feelings. If you want to experience more emotional intimacy with the man, you need to be more emotionally honest and intimate with him. That means sharing things that are scary for you to share like your fears around whatever is coming up for you. Your fears about moving in together. Your fears around the future or maybe some insecurities you’re feeling. It’s highly functional to share intimate details about how you’re feeling so that he can see that vulnerable side of you and so that you can bond and get closer.

It's healthy to agree to disagree, especially if you're in a relationship. Click To Tweet

Another piece of that is if you don’t share those things, he’s going to see you like a cold fish. He’s going to see you as not having any warmth and not having any depth. Men are looking for warmth. They are looking for depth. Don’t look at that as a weakness. That’s a strength. Being vulnerable has so much strength in it. Make sure that you don’t hesitate to share those vulnerable feelings because it will endear him to you. The more you want emotional intimacy, the more truth you must be willing to share. Which is why it’s very emotionally mature to agree to disagree because you’re not going to agree on everything. You don’t want to hold back because you don’t agree with him. You certainly don’t want to argue about it, but you can say things like, “That’s an interesting perspective. I don’t have that same perspective at all. I think very differently about that, but I respect where you’re coming from.” You’re agreeing to disagree with him. You don’t have to agree with everything he says, but you don’t want to suppress your true feelings and be a doormat and turn yourself into a pretzel and be so agreeable that you don’t even have an opinion. It’s how you do it, how you say things and how you express yourself is the most important part that I want you to hear.

Using a soft tone when you’re saying that or even a playful fun tone like, “I don’t know about that. I am not buying into that. I think that’s more your way of thinking but not mine. I respect your opinion but this is the way I feel.” You say that not needing them to approve of you and not needing them to accept your opinion, but definitely needing them to hear you out. If you use the right tone in the right way, they will hear you out and they will respect you for it. It’s healthy to agree to disagree, especially if you’re in a relationship because you’re not these two halves coming together to make a whole. That’s a dysfunctional relationship paradigm. What you are is two holes coming together, standing side by side like the infinity symbol. That’s what we’re going for. Two holes side by side, not overlapping, not being codependent, not meshing with each other, but having a lot of emotional intimacy right next to each other. I want to close with this. It takes a lot of courage to be emotionally intimate and you have plenty of courage. You have to use enough of it and it takes practice. Practice leads to mastery in any area of your life. Don’t be afraid to stick your neck out because the worst thing that’s going to happen is you’re going to learn something and you’re going to grow and expand because of it.

Ladies, I have a freebie for you. I want you to take advantage of my Swipe Right Quiz – What’s Blocking Your Dream Man from Finding You Online?  CLICK HERE and take my quiz now. Thank you for tuning in. If you like the content, please like, share and subscribe to my channel. Share it with your friends so that they can get in on the information as well and you can create a tribe of emotionally available women and practice that intimacy with them. I’m sending you lots of love. Thanks for being here.

 

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EAA 22 | Hot And Cold

He’s HOT/COLD | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin 
· September 17, 2019 
· No Comments

EAA 22 | Hot And Cold

 

One day he comes on strong and totally into you. The next day, he becomes cold and confusing. How do you keep on playing this game when dating or in a relationship, or maybe, how do you stop the game? Sometimes, this kind of set-up only leads us at the losing end. We start to question ourselves in the process when the problem tends to not be our fault. Jaki hands us the key to understanding what is happening so we can free ourselves from the cycle of control and fear.

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Watch the episode here:

 

He’s HOT/COLD

I wanted to talk about when a guy comes on strong, he’s into you and then he goes cold and it causes a lot of confusion. I know you may have experienced this and it certainly is a game that gets played when you’re dating and in relationships and it’s dysfunctional. Let’s just go over what it is. One minute, things are going along. You’ve got this band here, you’re going back and forth and you feel something’s happening and you start enjoying the attention that you’re receiving from a man. The next thing you know, he pulls back and he withdraws into his cave and you’re left wondering, “What did I do?” You start to question yourself and think that you did something wrong. You start to go into thinking about what you said and what you did. This behavior is extreme when a man withdraws like that and it’s about power play whether you call it push and pull and hot or cold, it’s all the same. What it does is it leaves you feeling frustrated and confused.

Control

The key is to understand what’s happening so that if you feel caught into this cycle because it’s a pattern in a cycle, all about control and fear, then you can quickly recognize it for what it is. There are a couple of things you can do. You can use the skills and tools that I teach in my program to become more intimate about what’s happening and invite a conversation. That person that’s doing this, the man that’s doing this, is incapable or interested in having this conversation because he’s using this behavior as a way to control you. Whether it’s done consciously or unconsciously, what happens is it creates a longing and it creates a pursuit. As soon as he pulls away, it activates this feeling like, “I have to have him.” What you want to do is reach out and pursue. That’s usually what you do. You go, “I’m just going to send him a quick little text and see what he’s up to.” You might make up some excuse like, “He’s just busy at work.” Some of these rational lies that we tell ourselves to try to justify this emotional unavailability.

If you're in this tug of war with the man, the best thing you can do is walk away. Click To Tweet

You might say that he’s sorting out his last relationship or he’s busy at work. He’s got a big project or his kids need him right now. Those are all rational lies that your mind tells you in order to prevent you from seeing what’s going on because your mind is trying to protect you from any painful experiences. In a way, what happens is your mind is protecting you but it’s keeping out some valuable information. I know you’re going to remember this and it’s going to help you in the future. There’s that saying, “Flee and they follow, follow and they flee.” This is what happens. There is this push and pull that happens. What happens is when you start to get close to somebody and things are going well and there are some mutual affection and some attention, you enjoy that and it feels good and you want more of that. It starts to make you long for some relationship stability. You do want that. You start to move in that direction.

What happens is when a man pulls away, it creates an automatic response in you to chase him because you want to get back into this feeling. You want to be the object of his affection and his attention that felt good. This phase is like a corral. It’s the hot phase and it’s designed to get you in the gate that leads to the corral where later you’ll be harnessed. I read that on the internet. It’s created to get the hook in your mouth and you win. That’s the hot phase. The cold phase is designed to make you long for more attention so that you’ll pursue. Both of the phases are dysfunctional. When you get into this phase with a man, you may not realize it but what you’ve done by pursuing a man is you’ve submitted to a man’s emotional and psychological need to control you. A lot of that comes from needing to control to feel safe. I’m not necessarily saying it’s bad, it’s just definitely something you need to be aware of so that you can cope with it. It’s a dance and it has a cycle. It’s like this push and pull.

Comfort And Discomfort; Power And Intimacy

He’ll pull away, you’ll pursue him and then he’ll back up. You’ll back up and then he’ll come towards you and it goes on and on until you become aware of the pattern. There is a difference between when a relationship has a little hiccup, when you’re first seeing each other and you like each other and you’re starting to feel vulnerable. Those are normal healthy feelings. It’s natural to feel for a man to maybe withdraw and maybe consider his position and consider his feelings. When that happens and you have a certain level of intimacy, then you want to invite a conversation and ask that man to talk to you about the pulling away. You want to create more intimacy in that moment and not more distance because if there’s distance then it’s just a game. When you’re in a relationship and a man is emotionally invested in you, then he’s going to want to have that conversation with you even though it’s an awkward conversation.

What happens is you’ll go from a phase of comfort and then you’ll get closer and then you go through a phase of discomfort because your zone is growing. You’re out of your comfort zone. You’ll go from comfort to discomfort back to comfort again, only your zone has grown and that’s called a paradigm shift. If you go from comfort to discomfort and you don’t go back to that zone again, then that means that the relationship is not going to develop. A man that’s playing that hot and cold game has burst of hot but it doesn’t result in any forward momentum. That’s the problem. It’s a game. It’s hot and cold and that’s exciting for them because they have this control over you, but the root cause of this behavior is it’s a desperate attempt to gain control over the uncontrollable and it’s love. He is trying to gain control over the uncontrollable which is love.

A man that’s wanting to play it safe is never going to allow himself to experience love. He’s going to dip his toe into that pool and he’s going to toy around with it, but he’s never going to commit to it because he’s too afraid of getting hurt. He has trust issues. He has fear of intimacy and you can’t continue to pursue him because you just push them further away. It makes us feel that a man has all the power, but the real power is in the intimacy. Real power is in intimacy and your ability to maintain contact in an intimate way. That’s where the real power comes. If you have that inner strength and confidence, you don’t have any fear of being open and honest with him when he pulls away because you know and you recognize that this is an opportunity to get closer. If he doesn’t take that opportunity, that’s a sure sign that he’s playing the game. He’s exerting that control so that he cannot get hurt, not get his feet wet, not jumping into the pool with you and go swimming into the deep end.

He’s going to play it safe and that’s dysfunctional especially if you’re looking for a relationship and a life partner. Just having an awareness about this game is going to help you because when it happens to you, you’re going to recognize it for what it is. That’s how you turn the table in your favor is by recognizing it. I talked to one of my clients and she reached out to me and I wanted to give her some support. She’s working in my program and she said that she’s dating a man. They’ve got close and she talked to him about what she was looking for and what she wants in long-term. She wants to get married and have children. He said that he didn’t think he would be ready for that and she said, “That’s what I want. Now that you know, you can reach out to me or not but I’m not going to pursue you.” He said, “Okay, fair enough.” A couple of days went by and he called her and she’s at dinner, so she answers the phone. She has a quick chat with him. He just called to say hi and that’s when she called me and she’s like, “What should I do?” She goes, “I think I’m going to send him a text tomorrow morning.” I’m like, “No, this is exactly what’s going on. He’s doing this hot and cold behavior.”

EAA 22 | Hot And Cold

Hot And Cold: A man that’s wanting to play it safe is never going to allow himself to experience love.

 

He waits three days, he calls her and then it initiates that yearning and that longing to be the center of his attention again where she’s giving up her own ability to nurture and take care of her emotional needs. She’s looking for another person, some external source for that so she gets back into the game. The system kicks in again and there goes the pattern. She’s going to send him a text and now they’re back in this dance. Another two weeks will go by and that’s what happens. You lose time and that’s why you want to be aware of this and make sure that you don’t get stuck in it. If you are, know that this awareness of reading to this blog, if it’s resonating with you, this is your first step in changing and shifting that pattern and stepping into something more functional for yourself.

Once you recognize the pattern, you gain freedom from it. If you are in this pattern, know that all you have to do is stop contacting him and wait long enough for him to come back around if he’s going to and you’ll have your answer or you can simply set an appointment to talk to him. That’s what I think is the most functional. Say, “Do you have a few minutes tomorrow night? I’d love to sit down and talk to you a little bit about what’s going on.” If he makes that appointment, then you have something. You have someone that’s not afraid to be intimate and real because that’s what it’s all about. This person doesn’t want to be real. He just wants to play a game. It’s important that you ask these questions and that’s why it’s important and I encourage all of you to ask as many questions as you can before you get emotionally invested. It’s so much easier from that place to be curious about somebody and why they do what they do.

Playing Tug-Of-War

I’m going to be offering tons of support answering these questions and creating a lot of training about all these different scenarios in my program, my Engaged at Any Age year-long program that I am sending out emails and creating training and create this invitation so that we can work together. I’m very passionate about helping all of you become more intimate in your relationship so that you can have that deep, juicy, soulful relationship that all of you are reaching out to me and telling me you want. It’s going to require a little work. You’re going to have to shift out of your comfort zone and step out of that fearful place that you’re at and take some emotional risk. The bigger the risk, the bigger the game.

If you’re in this tug of war with a man, the best thing you can do is walk away. Cut your losses. Your time is better spent with someone who’s more functional. If you ask for that conversation and you get a reaction of anger or defensiveness or they’re giving you a guilt trip saying, “I’m working a lot.” This is revealing a lot to you so you want to ask those questions and take note of their response. If he doesn’t respond to you or shuts down, there’s information in that that you need to look at. Make sure you go ahead and ask the question. Have the courage to ask the question. If you don’t get a response, then that’s your answer. That person doesn’t have the skill set to have the type of relationship that you want because you just use a lot of emotional courage to ask these questions in the first place. You’re making yourself vulnerable to him so that you can go deeper. If he doesn’t respond to that, then that lets you know something that you need to know about that man.

Extended Travel Experiences

Anybody that’s straightforward and honest is somebody that you want to be in a relationship with. Anybody that is playing games in lieu of the ability to be real is not somebody that you want to be in a relationship with. I have some questions here, “He stopped calling. I was reaching out and still being open. I offered to talk but he’s avoided it repeatedly. I want a man who wants me and is clear that he wants me. He’s the one who brought all the commitment talks at day one that’s why I opened it up in the beginning?” There’s nothing you can do and there’s nothing you should do because he’s made it clear that he’s not interested in going deeper. He’s in fear. He got triggered and he’s afraid. That’s what you know for sure.

What is he going to do with that fear? He’s either going to remain out of contact with you or he’s going to step forward. You need to know that information about him. That’s telling you a lot about how he’s going to be in a relationship with you. As painful as it is when someone does this, it lets you know the level of intimacy that they’re capable of at the moment. I would say you got close with him but your timing’s off. Don’t get discouraged. Look at this as like, “I attracted somebody and we got close. I’m one step closer because I made myself vulnerable and I know how to do that.” I want you to continue to practice that level of vulnerability because when you do that, there’s strength in it. Because you’re being honest and you’re speaking your truth of what you want. The universe will rise up and meet you with the match to that vibration. That’s why you don’t want to pull back and shut your heart down. You will have to let this one go so the next one can come in. That’s what I want you to do.

Here’s the question that I want to answer. A gal wants to know, she has photos of extended travel experiences in India, Iceland, Italy, walking through Portugal, a month-long stay in the Netherlands. Is that too much?” I would say yes. That’s too much to put on your profile because you could trigger the scammers. It would trigger a scammer so I wouldn’t put all of that. One or two pictures of travel. You want to create enough intrigue for them to reach out to you but not give them the whole story. If you’re oversharing in your profile, it could intimidate men or invite those scammers to pursue you and you don’t want that. That’s an overshare. That information is what you want to leave your date. Don’t overshare on your profiles because you’ll invite some drama and you don’t want that.

Your emotional health and wellness is your responsibility. It's not a man's job to make you feel better. Click To Tweet

The other question that she had, someone writes on your photos and they comment on them and she responds back with a pleasant manner and then that’s it. Here’s the problem with that, when somebody makes a comment on your pictures, on your profile, that’s an awesome opportunity for you to ask a question back. I had this I woman I talked to and she said that there was a man with a picture of his dogs. She commented on his dogs and I said, “What did you say?” She said, “I love that breed. That’s one of my favorite breed of dogs.” I’m like, “That’s it?” She didn’t ask a question that begs for an answer. I’m like, “You missed an opportunity.” Make sure you’re asking questions. If he makes a comment on your profile like, “Nice dress or great legs or whatever.” You can say, “That dress brings back a lot of great memories. I was up in San Francisco when I bought it. Have you been to the city?” or something like that. Lead it into a conversation so that he has to respond to you and answer your question. Use those comments on your pictures to create more banter that will hopefully lead to a date. It’s always questions. Ask a lot of questions and that’s how you’ll get answers and connection.

Reaching Out To A Man

The next question is, “Is it okay to reach out to a man on a dating site?” “Absolutely.” That’s what it’s all about. You’ve got to get good at this banter. When you’re reaching out to a man on a dating site, it’s not a date it’s like flirting with a man on a networking event. You’re just saying, “How are you? What’s Your Business? What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?” You strike up conversations with strangers. You’re not getting courted until they ask you out but you can tee it up. You can let them know that you’re interested by engaging them on instant messaging and by sending an email. You send an email and it’s just a little note. It’s a question and a comment. You look at their profile and comment. Maybe they’re leaning up against a cool car. It seems that men love to put pictures of them leaning up against a cool car. You can say something about the car and then ask him a question. Ask him a question like, “How fast does that car can go?” Ask questions and be playful about it.

These questions need to be lighthearted and fun and almost teasing a little bit. A little mischievous. A little good banter goes a long way because it’s already awkward enough. You are flirting with a perfect stranger but what you’ll do is intrigue them enough to reach out and continue the conversation. I recommend doing this on instant message. It’s a good way to practice if you’re feeling sensitive, shy, and nervous about doing that. A good place to practice is instant messaging on your dating sites. What you do is you’ll just practice sending little notes to men that are online at the same time you are. With the intention of going back and forth a little bit and then saying, “I’ve got to run. Nice talking to you.” Get off the call, get off the instant messenger and then leave it up to them to contact you. They looked at your profile, they know how to get ahold of you. I would do this three or four times when you’re online, but the key is to only do it with men that are online at the same time that you’re online.

EAA 22 | Hot And Cold

Hot And Cold: Don’t overshare on your profiles because you’ll invite some drama you would not want.

 

Power In Triggers

You don’t want to send emails to people that aren’t online. I recommend you do that as well but this is a strategy to help you get out of your comfort zone to create engagement and to have fun with it and you’re not looking for them to ask you out. You’re saying, “I’ve got to run. Great connecting.” Give him a little wink and then that’s it. It’s up to them to pursue you but you’ve set it up. I recommend this because it will help you to desensitize yourself about this whole dating process. I know it triggers a lot of fear and a lot of fear of rejection. That’s what it triggers and bring it on. Let those triggers come up because there’s power in those triggers. There’s information in those triggers. Your emotional triggers tell you something about you that you need to look at. You want to ask yourself this question, “What do my emotional triggers tell me about me?” If you’re triggered, then it’s something that’s going on inside of you. Usually, it’s a fear of rejection. Don’t reject yourself in the process. When you feel that, you want to look and ask yourself, “What is going on with me? What is my emotional trigger trying to tell me about me?” Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?”

Follow it to its source. Get to the bottom of it. Get to the root cause of what makes you feel that way because it can be very disempowering. If you don’t take action to feel better, then it’s on you. That is your responsibility. Your emotional health and wellness is your responsibility. It’s not a man’s job to make you feel better, it’s yours. What Michael and I have is I’ll take care of me for you and you take care of you for me and that’s a highly functional way to look at dating. Your emotional needs are just that. They’re your emotional needs so when you feel those needs come up, make sure you meet them and don’t abandon yourself in the dating process and then have the audacity to blame men for your emotional instability. The dating process is a fabulous way to do a lot of deep emotional work because it brings up a lot of things that you need to clear up anyway. You’re becoming a highly functional and emotionally mature woman and you’re getting a man at the same time. I say that that’s fantastic and it’s going to take as long as it takes.

Practice Receiving

The sooner you start working through these emotional triggers and understanding the game of hot and cold, the better you’re going to be in a relationship and the more space you can hold for that relationship. Let me answer this one last question. “I let a guy open the door for me this week. I felt proud because you popped into my mind while your voice was always saying, practice receiving and let men do things for you.” Yes, receive, “I receive. I receive. I receive.” That’s the mantra. Let a man come to you. You can drop the hanky, do that online flirting, but make sure that you are allowing what you’re asking for to come in by not pursuing men because they will pursue. They love a good chase. Give him one. Give them a run for their money and they’ll love that. The more you do that, the more fun it is for everybody and the more potential for a relationship. Because men love a challenge and they want to win you. When you don’t stay in receiving mode, they can lose interest.

It feels good to have a man step into his power. They want to step into their power and if we don’t hold that space, then we disempower them by acting on opening our doors and getting things that they can get for us. You want to keep that balance in the feminine-masculine energy moving along beautifully by staying in your receiving mode. I’m going to leave you with the mantra, “I receive,” because you’re worth it and you deserve it. You deserve to have everything you want. There is nothing that you should or shouldn’t want. You should expect to get what you want. That’s what I want you to hear. Expect to get what you want but you have to ask for it. I hope this was helpful. Thank you for being here. Please send me your questions so that I can make more training videos for you. Lots of love.

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EAA 8 | Things That Attract Men

Law Of Attraction: 3 Things That Attract Men 50 And Up! | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin 
· June 25, 2019 
· No Comments

EAA 8 | Things That Attract Men

 

You may think it is hard to find a partner when you are over 50, but this is only because you have not gotten in line with how to attract them. There are specifically different qualities that men are looking for as they age, and Jaki shares three things with you. Backing it up with statistical data and some smart insights and advice, she talks about how you can attract men 50 and up.

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Watch the episode here:

Law Of Attraction: 3 Things That Attract Men 50 And Up!

I’m excited to connect with you because I want to talk to you about three things that attract men over 50. It’s over 50, over 60, over 70 and beyond because this is what men are looking for in a woman that is over 50. Here’s the thing. All men want to attract the same type of woman. What I’d read through this statistic, it all shows the same thing. All men want a fun, honest woman that they can have a good time with. That’s easy. You’re a fun, honest woman that they can have a good time with. You’ve already solved half the problem.

Relationship-Minded Partners

There are specifically different qualities that men are looking for as they age and I want to share those with you. One of the things that stood out when I looked at the statistics and what I hear from the men that I know and also from the women that I’m coaching. Men are looking for a relationship over 50, over 60 and over 70. They’re more relationship-minded. Ladies, I don’t want you to be afraid to be expressing that you’re interested in a committed relationship because that is exactly what men are looking for over 50, over 60 and beyond. They recognize that the important things in life are having a loving partner by their side and they want to experience life with someone. They’re recognizing that more and more as they age.

A Woman Who Values Intelligence

That’s such a benefit, a bonus to know and to understand, accept and empower yourself with this knowledge that men over 50, 60 and 70 are looking for a long-term committed relationship that leads to marriage. What else are they going to do? Having a relationship as we age is the most rewarding experiences you can have. I’m sharing this with you because I know that to be true based on my own experiences with Michael and the ladies that are getting into relationships. Men are looking for relationships over 50. In fact, they are more interested in that than dating for fun. A loving partner is a priority to men over 50, 60 and 70. Another thing that men over 50 are looking for a woman in a relationship over 50, 60 and 70 is a woman who values intelligence. Men are looking for intelligent women. Emotional intelligence and intellectual intelligence. Emotional intelligence is your ability to have great communication skill. Your ability to hold a conversation without getting triggered. Your ability to bring more wisdom to every situation because that is such a benefit to him. Benefiting from your wisdom, your intuition, your life knowledge and your life experience is what he’s looking for. Not that you’re younger, that you have all this life experience and you know how to apply it. That’s what emotional intelligence is. Having compassion, having empathy, having good listening skills.

By being rigid in our thinking, we limit ourselves. Click To Tweet

Being present and being open-minded, that’s another thing that men are looking for over 50, 60 and 70 in a woman. What happens is over time and this is something I want to dig into a little bit more, being open-minded. As we age, we tend to get more closed-minded. We tend to get rigid in our thinking. In doing that, we limit ourselves. We limit not only what’s possible, but we limit ourselves from learning something new. You want to always keep an open mind. Sometimes when we feel we know-it-all or we know a topic that somebody is sharing with us, especially on dates, we shut that person down because we’re not open to hearing anything new. Life is all about learning, growing, evolving and expanding. Men over 50, 60 and 70 are looking for a woman who is open to exploring the possibility, is open to looking at life in a different angle, who sees the value in learning and growth. That’s what men are looking for.

It goes across the board to say that men are looking for a woman who has a sense of humor. All men are looking for that when I looked at the statistics. Here’s the surprise that you may not think that is true, but men over 50, 60 and 70 are looking for romance. They’re not done with the romance. In fact, they are more likely to be more romantic because they value the qualities that a woman can bring to a relationship. Bring that touch of feminine energy that makes life more rich and interesting and more colorful for a man. They’re definitely looking for more romance. As women, we love romance. That’s a wonderful thing to keep in mind. Men want to romance you. They want to have romantic experiences with you, especially as they get older. They’re looking for that quality so don’t shy away from those romantic experiences because men do want that.

A Woman They Can Be Active With

Here’s the last piece I’ll share with you and there are many things, but this one is key. Men over 50, 60 and 70 are looking for someone who they can be active with. Whether that means riding bikes, taking walks, skiing, whatever it is for you, being active is an important thing to men over 50. When we’re active, we live a healthier life. We live longer. We sleep better. We feel better about ourselves. If you haven’t been active lately, this is a good time to break out your walking shoes if summer is coming. You can get out there. If it’s hot in your environment, you can go early in the morning. Getting you back into a yoga routine or a workout routine, anything that you can share on dates that show you’re active. Even if it’s taking long walks, that is something that is going to appeal to a man over 50, 60 and 70. He wants to remain active as long as he lives. My husband is like that. He’s like, “I’m going to work out until the day I die because I never want to not be able to get out of bed and do the things that I want to do.” I couldn’t agree more with him. We do that together. That’s one of the things that attracted me to Michael. Him, to me, is that we were both active.

Things That Attract Men: Our needs and wants change over time.

 

Ladies, they’re not looking for younger women. They’re looking for women that are a relationship-minded. They’re looking for women that are active. They’re looking for women that are easy going. They’re looking for a woman who’s intelligent emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. Make sure you begin to cultivate those parts of you to make sure that you bring that forward when you’re out on your date. We’re all looking for a sense of humor. That’s what we need to do to do all the dating. You have to have a sense of humor about everything. Bring that sense of humor to your date because it’s going to connect well to men over 50. That’s what they’re looking for. I don’t know about you, but it’s good to share a good laugh with somebody, especially when you’re on a date. If you can come up with some jokes or don’t forget to be playful and witty and have that fun, playful banter, not taking things seriously, not taking things personally that’s for sure, and questioning things when you don’t understand something shows emotional intelligence.

It doesn’t show that you don’t understand something, it shows that you have knowledge and that you’re curious and you want to be clear about something that was shared to you. You’re not afraid to ask questions, especially when you don’t understand something or don’t know something. It’s attractive when you don’t know something and you’re not afraid to admit it. When you’re like, “I’m not familiar with that. Tell me all about it.” Instead of faking it and going, “I know about that,” when you don’t. Bring that vulnerability forward. It connects. I’d rather say, “I don’t know about that. I’ve never heard about it. I’d love to hear more about it,” than to pretend that I do. You don’t have to do that. Let that go. Ladies, I hope this was helpful. I’m going to answer a question before I conclude our talk here, “How do you know if he’s the right man you should commit to if most things are good, but then you question other things that aren’t matching up to your core wants and needs?” We need to know what those other things are.

I recommend that you look at what your core wants and needs are more closely. Sometimes the things that we want and need, we haven’t examined them in a while. Our needs and wants change over time. I would look at more about what your needs are. What are the needs? The wants? A lot of those things you can fulfill on yourself. Maybe you want to travel to different places and maybe he doesn’t. Maybe you can go, “Are you okay with me going on trips with my girlfriends?” If he’s okay with that, you guys can work that out. Maybe that’s a deal breaker for you. Maybe you want to travel with your partner, so that would be a need. Getting clear about making the distinction between wants and needs is going to help you to take the confusion out of whether or not this man has a real place in your life.

You said your core wants. I’m imagining that the core would be maybe financial, would be a core or maybe children’s ages could be a core thing. You don’t want to take on a relationship where somebody has younger children. They have to get clear on what those core needs are. I certainly would come to the table with a lot of questions and see if you can negotiate. If he has a lot of good things that are matching up, it’s worthy of conversations to see if you can negotiate some compromises. Relationships are compromises and I say that with the highest respect in a good way. I compromise my time. I compromise where we eat, what we’re going to watch on TV or where we’re going to go on vacation. My core needs are to be with Michael, to be with a man who loves and adores me, who supports me, who accepts me and treats me well. Those are the things that are the most important to me. The other things are like where we’re going to go, what we’re going to eat, and all those little things. I can let all those go and go with the flow because I’m easy-going and those things aren’t that important compared to the core needs. It’s getting clear on is it a need or a want? How important is it to you? Can you negotiate that? If the man has the qualities and the principles you resonate with, I say it’s worth negotiating.

Sometimes when we feel we know it all, we shut the other person we are talking to down. Click To Tweet

I hope this was helpful. If you want more clarity on what I’m sharing, I’m here for you in these Facebook Lives and I do the YouTubes. I’m always here providing you with these tips. If you need to learn how to apply them and take action on them because intellectual knowledge is what I’m supplying here, but it’s useless if you can’t take action on it. I’m winding down my enrollment into my Engaged at Any Age Program. If you’re interested and you’ve been toying with the idea and you regret not taking advantage of it, I’m going to give you this one last opportunity to jump in with us and join the group. I want you to private message me on Facebook where we can talk in a private message and see if that’s a fit for you. Go ahead and private message me. We’ll have a little dialogue privately. I’ll tell you if it’s a fit for you and share with you the details and the commitment. I have a special bonus for you if you sign up. It’s a fast action bonus, but I’ll tell you that in a private message.

I hope you join me. I’m excited about this group. It’s amazing women. One of the ladies that are in the group has such exciting news. In a couple of weeks of being in the group, after talking to me and laying out a plan and looking at her beliefs because she didn’t feel she can meet a man in her town. We opened up that possibility of meeting a man outside of her town where she wanted to live and made some tweaks to her profile and made some other changes. Within a couple of weeks, she connected with a man in another state. He flew her to the state. She put her up in a hotel. She met his friends and they’re planning a life together. She’s flying back home and we’re going to be working with her so she can continue to move forward in the relationship in a healthy way with clear boundaries. Making sure that everything’s on track for that commitment and taking her time to get to know him. This is exciting because love happens fast. She was worried that she wasn’t going to meet anybody, now she’s making plans for her future. That’s exciting. That’s how fast things can happen, especially when you’re working with me. I hope that answered your question. Thank you for being here. I love you all so much. I’m sending you lots of love.

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That Secret to Get a Man to Commit | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin 
· June 17, 2019 
· No Comments

 

I want to offer you a two-part “love hack”!

Sometimes, we get so stuck in our heads when we’re worried about making the right impression in a new relationship. It can make us feel stiff and uncertain. And that can make us come across as cold.

Since that’s exactly what you DON’T want, I’d like you to go into your next date remembering that you are a high-value woman. You are confident. You are passionate about things you enjoy. And you are worthy of being with someone who appreciates all that!

You truly have to believe in your value so it shines through. THIS is what a man needs to see to commit. You need to show him that you have something to offer that other women don’t. Talk about what is really important to you and let him into your world. You want to be with someone who respects your interests, so don’t worry about being judged.

The second part of this is being vulnerable. Vulnerability is NOT weakness. It’s about having the strength and courage to be open and honest, with no guarantee of a result. That is FAR from weak!

Vulnerability helps you connect on a deep level. Open up and show him your true self. Men innately want to help and, honestly, take care of a woman, even if it’s just a few little things—we’re not talking about a 1950s housewife, by the way. Let him see that you’re a real person, not just your Facebook profile (come on, we all know those are everyone’s highlight reels).

When you show him that you have frustration or uncertainty—just like everyone else—it opens up that beautiful space of love so you can have deep conversations. Be real. Let him be there for you.

Sometimes a man will offer to help you with something because it makes them feel like they are taking care of you, so be open to receiving. If he offers to do something for you, take him up on it. Be appreciative! If he’s trying to do something that will make your life easier, even if it’s picking up Mexican to go for dinner, that’s a step in the right direction!

Love,

Jaki

PS: Take the Swipe Right Quiz! Find out what’s Blocking Your Dream Man from Finding You Online?

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Categories : Attraction, Confidence, Create the Life You Want, Episodes, Feminine Essence, Relationships
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3 Secrets To Emotionally Connect With Men | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin 
· June 11, 2019 
· No Comments

EAA 9 | Emotionally Connect With Men

 

Relationships always begin with a connection; but to get committed, you have to emotionally connect with your partner. How do you achieve that? Jaki shares the secrets to emotionally connect with a man, especially as you age. Learn some tips on how you can continue to turn yourself and your relationship up.

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Watch the episode here:

3 Secrets To Emotionally Connect With Men

I’m excited about connecting with you. We are talking about these secrets that you need to know so that you can emotionally connect with a man. When you make an emotional connection with a man, that’s how you get a commitment. It’s not until you emotionally connect that you can get a commitment from a man because they don’t make commitments over a sexual connection. You want to push for and look for and explore creating that emotional connection with a man. That’s exciting to do.

Keep It Sexy

The best way to connect to a man on an emotional level is to keep it sexy. Keeping it sexy means keeping light. Keeping it playful and keeping it fun. It’s important to not go to the end of the story and not to attach to an outcome. As soon as we start to attach to an outcome of how we want it to turn out, then we lose our place in the present. The present is where all our power is. You can’t be playful and fun and happy when you’re thinking about the past or worrying about the future. You have to make the moment sexy and fun for him. We all know men love sex. Women do too but men want it sexy. They want to feel alive, especially middle-aged men. They want to feel that they still have it going on.

A lot of the reason why men go through a midlife crisis is that they feel like they are not desirable to women anymore. They don’t feel that they got it or the women don’t look at them in the same way. That explains a lot of why I’m encouraging not necessarily to sexually objectify yourself, that’s not what I’m saying at all. It’s just that as we age, we tend to stop turning it up too because maybe our estrogen levels are dipping and we just don’t feel like it. If we want a man, you have to learn to emotionally connect with him and we all want to feel alive and men especially want too.

Here are some ways you can do that. Clean out your closet. Get rid of the old lady clothes. First of all, we can dress differently now as we age. You don’t have to start dressing a certain way as your grandmother did. You can personally dress like me. I’m 54, so I’m going to have a whole training about aging. I’m excited about dating in your 50s and beyond and if you should lie about your age and all of that. I’m excited to cover that topic. It’s not feeling like you have to stop dressing the way that you did when you were 40 and even 30. Our hemlines come down and maybe we’re wearing a long-sleeved shirt if you’re more comfortable with that, but I definitely think you need a great bra. You need to get those girls up and together and get them on the same page because they’re beautiful and you’re beautiful. Use your assets. Make sure that you’re dressing according to your look but that it’s hip, it’s fun and essential and it will turn the men on. When I had my online dating profile, I had a pink blouse, a pop of color because men love that. I had a pair of jeans on one of the pictures and I had a long-fitted dress on. I dressed more hip like I did when I was at 40. I haven’t changed that.

As soon as we start to attach an outcome of how we want our relationships to turn out, we lose our place in the present. Click To Tweet

In fact, I went through my closet and I noticed I started getting a little frumpy. I was like, “What’s happening to me?” That’s why I did the highlights on my hair. I was getting dark. I was like, “I’m going to go into this dark look, but it made me look older.” My daughter told me that. She said I looked like Elvira. I love Elvira but I don’t necessarily want to look like her. I want to look like me, only brighter. I did the highlights and it brightened up my look. I’m not saying you have to even go get a highlight but maybe consider it. Maybe you want to brighten up your look with a new look. You can get some new makeup or skin tone change. The time of year change. What you wore in the winter in terms of makeup and hair needs to change for the summer. Keeping it sexy is helpful.

As we get older, we want to have fun. We want to have a fun relationship. We want to smile and laugh more and men are looking for that especially if they’ve been married before. You all heard me say that but just a little reminder. Sometimes you need to be reminded of the simplest steps over and over again until we got it. That’s the secret number one to creating an emotional connection. It’s being fun and playful and throwing in a little sexiness. This shirt isn’t revealing anything, but it’s sexy in its own way. You can look at your wardrobe, clean out your closet and get up to speed with getting rid of everything that is frumpy. Only keep the things that you feel good at and just re-wear those. If it’s not in your spending plan to get some new clothes, just go through your closet and streamline it so that when you go to reach for something, only the best stuff is there.

Physical Touch

The next thing is physical touch. Physical touch is important to men. They want to put their hands on you. At the beginning of dating, that’s not necessarily appropriate. However, when you are dating, you can reach up and touch your man’s forearm. You can put your hand on their shoulder and even picking a piece of lint off his shirt is intimate. That is a very intimate gesture. Only women and men that are having a connection would do that. If you are sitting there with a man and he has a little piece of lint, you reach up and get that for him. That’s a very intimate act and it’s a physical connection. As you start dating, holding hands, putting your hand around his shoulder, his waist and seeking his hand out. If he’s not affectionate, then you can be affectionate. I love affectionate. My husband, what he does to me that I love is that he swats me on the butt quite a bit. I like that. It’s not a hard swat, but he gives me a little pat. It’s fun. Michael is very affectionate and so am I. We have a lot of fun playing and being very physical. Don’t be afraid to do that.

EAA 9 | Emotionally Connect With Men

Emotionally Connect With Men: Consistently appreciate every little thing so that you don’t ever take them for granted.

Be Interested In His Interests

Play with his hair. When you’re on a date, get your hand back there. Men loved to have their scalp rubbed too. If I had my fingers in my husband’s scalp, he goes crazy for that. If you’re dating a man, give him a nice scalp massage. He will love that. Physical touch is important to create that emotional connection. Another secret is to be interested in his interests. Even if you’re not interested in those things, you can certainly be interested in them because he is. That’s what the interest level comes from. You’re like, “I never thought ice hockey was that big of a deal but my husband loves it. Now, I love ice hockey.” It’s fun to watch. It’s a little bit of a brutal sport. Sometimes I have to cover my face but that’s just me. I’m not saying you need to do what I’m doing. I’m just giving you real-world examples because they’ll help you connect.

Show Respect, Admiration, And Appreciation

If your guy is up in his head and he’s an engineer or maybe he’s a nerd and he likes to do certain things that come along with that, then go for that. “I want to know all about it,” because maybe there’s something there that you will find interesting. The fact that you showed interest in what he’s interested in, he starts to see you as an equation in his life. He starts to put you together in a future scenario with him. You might become interested in those topics because he is. That will be another way to create that emotional connection. That was already three things but I’m going to keep going because I have more here on my list. This is the big one. Show respect, admiration and appreciation. It sounds like this is all about the guys. I’m like, “Jaki, all you’re saying is all about the men.” You want to be in a committed relationship that leads to a commitment or marriage like what I wanted.

I’m willing to do and I was willing to do what it takes to have what I want and frankly, we all love compliments. We all love to be appreciated and noticed and witnessed. Start practicing that now on your date so that when you meet a man, it’s automatic. You are automatically doing that. I do it about every little thing that Michael does. I can’t overemphasize this enough. I’m like, “Thank you for the coffee. Thanks for taking out the trash. Thank you for picking up more limes. Thanks for picking up dinner. Thank you. It was so thoughtful of you. It’s so sweet of you. I appreciate that you did that. That means so much.” I lay it on because first of all, it’s coming from a sincere place. I am grateful and I do appreciate him, but it’s a habit that I trained myself to remember to consistently appreciate every little thing so that I don’t ever take it for granted. Just because I’m saying this in the beginning, it doesn’t mean a year later he doesn’t want to hear it. I want to stay married. The things that I’m teaching you is about getting into a relationship but there’s a high divorce rate. I want to get you in the relationship but I also want to keep you in the relationship. I don’t ever want you to be divorced. It’s a painful experience to go through.

Sometimes you need to be reminded of the simplest steps over and over again until you get it. Click To Tweet

Practicing appreciation and gratitude is going to keep you in that relationship. I consistently do it because it’s a habit. I want my husband to know how much I appreciate and love and respect him so I’m consistently using that tool to make sure he knows my level of commitment for him. In return, he gives so much to me. He thinks about what he can do for me, how he can make my life easier and how he includes me in the decision making. He always runs everything by me. It comes back to you tenfold. Gratitude is a powerful force. The more you think about, the more you bring about, the more appreciation and gratitude you’re showing for anything, you’re going to get that back. The more you do it, the more you get it back. It was invoking the Law of Least Effort. The more you do have what you want to be done, the easier it is to receive it back tenfold.

Surprises

Another thing that is good and it worked well with my relationship is surprises. As women, we are the one who likes surprises. We want to be surprised and that’s great but men love it too. Surprising your date. If you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks, I would recommend doing a little surprise like, “I have a little surprise for you.” He’s going to be like, “What is it?” You’re like, “If I tell you it’s not going to be a surprise.” It could be something simple. Maybe you made him his favorite dish and you bring it to him or maybe you picked up a book that he talked about. Maybe after dinner, you go for a drive and you show him something that you think that he would enjoy. Something that you thought out or maybe you’re getting him tickets to a sporting event that he wants to go to or a ticket to a concert. That’s after you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks. I don’t recommend giving gifts, but the surprises are always appreciated. Everybody loves a surprise because it means you put a lot of thought into doing something special for him. That’s how you continue to create an emotional connection, which leads to a commitment.

Give Him Freedom

The last tip I want to share with you is an important one. It’s giving him this freedom. Make sure he knows that he has plenty of freedom. People get freaked out when they get into a committed relationship and they start to go, “I’m not going to have any freedom.” The opposite is true. I have so much more freedom being in a committed relationship and being married because I don’t have to worry about dating anymore because that’s a time-consuming endeavor. I don’t have to go online. I don’t have to spend my time organizing who I spoke to and to be on my phone all the time, so I actually have more freedom. Also, I have the security of the commitment that we made together. I’m not talking about financial. I’m talking about that security based on the highest form of integrity, of honesty and truth that we’re made to each other. That we’re going to be there for each other and I can relax into that. When I can relax into that, Michael has all the freedom he wants. It’s not up to me to give or take it away. He’s a free person.

EAA 9 | Emotionally Connect With Men

Emotionally Connect With Men: You can get into a relationship but not necessarily stay in it.

 

Getting married doesn’t limit you and make you do a certain thing, not if you set it up right in the beginning. I was clear from the beginning. I was saying things like, “Go with your friends. That would be great. You should go. You should do it.” I’ll give you an example. One day, it was father’s day and his children were not with him. That was when he was spending more time with his children when they were younger. He had that day without his children and I was thinking I’m going to do something nice for him. I’m going to make him brunch. I went to the store and I got a bunch of things for lox and bagels, but he had a different plan. I didn’t tell him that I was going to surprise him. He called me up and he said, “I’m going a 45-mile road biking ride with his best friend.” I’d already made all of this. I had set it all up and I was going to surprise him. I printed out a Father’s Day card with a picture of him and his kids on it from my printer, but I went with the flow because I’m in my feminine energy. I was like, “That sounds a great day.” Inside I was disappointed but I said, “You go and have a great time. That’s going to be awesome. Take a picture when you guys are out.”

The next thing I know is I hear somebody outside my door, he’s outside on his bike with his best friend. They were calling out to me. I came outside and took a picture of them together and I wished him a good ride. They rode off and they had a great day. What he wanted to do with his day is spend it with his friend. I didn’t take it personally. I went inside and I ate my lox and bagels with my kids. That’s what I mean about freedom. I didn’t even show any sign of that because he has a right to make plans and have his own life and his own interest and I want to support those. I guess that was plan B. Make sure you’re relaxed in things if he springs it on you, “My friends are all getting together tonight after work. I want to go.” You should say, “You should go. It’s going to be great. You go and have a good time. I’ll catch up with you later.” He’ll feel safe knowing that you are not going to freak out and try to clamp down on his time. He’s going to want to spend more time with you because you’re so easy going. That’s an important thing for men.

One of the biggest reasons why men resist commitment is because they sense on some level that you’re going to try to monopolize their time. What happens is if you make sure that they know and that you’re not going to interfere with the things they want to do and in fact, you’re going to encourage it and support it. All of a sudden they’re like, “I’d rather be with her. She’s so easy going and then if something does come up, I can always rearrange our schedule and I can go do something with my friends.” For example, my husband has his monthly meeting that he does with him and his business partners. They have a couple of drinks and they have appetizers. They talk about business and I’m like, “I’m going to make plans and go do my thing. Have fun and I’ll talk to you when you get home tomorrow or later.” I want him to feel that he can do whatever he wants as long as he comes home to me and he does. That’s the point. I’ve covered quite a bit and I’m just wondering if any of you have any questions.

Gratitude is a powerful force. The more you think about, the more you bring about. Click To Tweet

Thank you so much. I want to also share with you that I just opened the doors to my annual Engaged at Any Age Program. It’s a nine-month private/group coaching program. It’s the only way that you’re going to get to work with me. I do it once a year and I’ve already enrolled many women into it so I have a limited amount of seats. The program used to be a year but I changed it to nine months because I’m getting women to the finish line in nine months or less because I have this formula that works. What you need is a structure. You need a container to hold that space. You need the support. You need accountability and what’s important is you need the environment. The environment is where you can grow and foster change. If you’re not in the right environment and if you’re not surrounding yourself by the right people who have the right strategies that can teach you the skills that you need, that not only get you into a relationship but keep you happily married ever after, you can get into a relationship but you’re not going to stay in it.

It is an investment but either way, you’re going to pay. You’re going to pay if you stay single another month or you’re going to have to pay to invest in yourself so you can scale up in these areas and become as wise as I am. You’re complimenting me here, saying lovely things and I appreciate it but I want that for you. I want you to outgrow me. I want you to have these skills so you can apply them in your life so that you can see that ripple effect that affects your children, your friendships, and all of your relationships. Your life is going to expand in so many ways. It’s just not one thing that happens when you get engaged or get in a committed relationship. It affects your social circles. You get new friends, friends of your husbands or your partners. They become your best friends. You get new friends. Your social life takes off in a different way.

Now, you have someone to go to all these events that you’ve been wanting to go to or maybe you don’t want to go to events. You have someone to do things with, somebody to witness your life and somebody to have your back and you’ll have their back. You’re also going to have combined resources. Your resources now are more enhanced. When you’re in love and you have love in your life, so much abundance can come to you. If you invest in yourself, you get that back so quickly. I just look at where I was years ago and where I am now, the growth has been exponential. Every year, I double and double my business and my husband too. We’re both booming and people say, “There’s just something about you.” We have so much love. We’re still so in love. All these pillars that I’m explaining to you are enhanced in every area in my life. My home, my social and my family has been in large with his family. The traveling and the combined resources, it’s incredible. The best investment you’ll ever make is the investment you make in yourself. Make sure you do that because either way, you’re going to pay. I will see you all here in the group. Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel so you don’t miss an episode. Thank you for being here and I’m just sending you so much love.

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I Used to Hate Myself | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin 
· June 7, 2019 
· No Comments

You’re probably pretty surprised to hear me say that. But it’s true. I used to hate myself. I suffered so much abuse as a child that I grew up feeling shame, unworthiness, and a lot of self-loathing. Not only did I hate myself, but I also blamed myself for what happened to me. I tried for years to love myself, but for various reasons, I couldn’t figure out how!

That’s when I knew I had to figure out the “self-love” thing. Once I did, I had to share it with women all over the world so they too could experience how much different life can be when there is love in it.

Elizabeth found herself in a similar situation, and here’s what she’s has to say to you about her journey.

Also, I want to remind you that I’m hosting a LIVE COACHING CALL tomorrow morning (Saturday) at 8 AM Pacific – 11 AM Eastern, where I’m going to talk to you about Block, Beliefs, and Behaviors that Sabotage YOU in Love and tell you about the program and answer your questions and offer you coaching. No sign up required! 

Here are your access details:

Date & Time: Saturday, June 8th at 8:00 AM Pacific / 11:00 AM Eastern

To attend this event, click here 15 minutes before the event time:

https://InstantTeleseminar.com/Events/115904595

If you don’t have access to the web, you can listen in by dialing (425) 440-5010, and using the following conference pin: 619300#

If that number doesn’t work for some reason, here is a list of alternative numbers, including international numbers:

https://InstantTeleseminar.com/Local/?eventid=115904595

Be on this call if you want to be engaged or in a committed relationship this year!

It’s your turn now.

Your turn to put yourself and your heart’s wishes FIRST!

Take that first step into a new and happier future. Get your man, get the ring!

xo.

Jaki

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Why Feminine Energy is Kryptonite for Men! | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin 
· June 6, 2019 
· 2 Comments

Enjoy the replay of my Live video where I talk to you about: Connecting with Your Feminine Energy and learn why it’s kryptonite for men!

Ladies, you can’t argue with science. Research has shown over and over and over again — feminine attracts masculine. And if you want that hot shot alpha male in your life, you need to keep that in mind.

I will teach you how to overcome your fears and empower yourself so you can connect with men with grace and ease. This allows you to create a deep emotional connection that leads to a commitment!

xo.

Jaki

PS: Go here to book a call with me for more information about my Engaged at Any Age program before I close enrollment and see if this is a fit for you before it’s too late!!and see if this is a fit for you before it’s too late!!

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EAA 19 | Attracting The Right Man

What A Man Needs From A Woman Like You! | Engaged at Any Age

Posted by Jaki Sabourin 
· February 19, 2019 
· 1 Comment

EAA 19 | Attracting The Right Man

 

It is so easy to give up when you find that what you have is not what the other person wanted. For us at the other end, we sometimes do not mean to show off an image that seems off-putting to someone. As a result, we unconsciously sabotage our opportunity with a man. Jaki shares some great insights and advice on finding out how to attract a man that can show up in your life and offer you what he can according to who you are. She guides you into showing off an image that represents who you are, which ultimately attracts the right man for a woman like you. Learn what Jaki has to say as she teaches how you can find the connection in all areas of your life.
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Watch the episode here:

What A Man Needs From A Woman Like You!

I hope you enjoyed the interviews with Alison Armstrong and Cherry Norris. They are amazing. Here are a couple of the takeaways that I got from Alison. I liked when she shared about talking about a prince versus a king and a prince is looking for someone to partner with and a king is interested in sharing what he can provide. If you want your king you need to be stepping more into being a queen. What stood out for me the most was that if you want what I’ve got, I’ll give you all I can. Why those stood out to me the most is because sometimes we unconsciously and not meaning to sabotage our opportunity with a man, we present in a way that’s not in alignment with what the man has to offer. I do believe that she’s correct in saying, “If you want what I’ve got? I will give you all I can.”

I’ll use my own life as a real-world example. I want to share that with you because on my dating profile, I had three pictures that were professionally done. One of them was me in a pretty red top. The second one was me in a pair of jeans with a pretty pink blouse sitting on a stool. The third one was me in a long black evening dress standing by a nice red velvet chair. They were nice pictures. The pictures were showing my lifestyle to the man that was looking at them. I was successful at doing that. The long black dress was like, “I can go to formal events and I enjoy dressing up and I’m also casual. I wear jeans. I’ve got this playful top on.” I had a couple of lifestyle shots. That’s what I recommend for you in terms of your online dating profile is five or six pictures.

We unconsciously sabotage our opportunity with a man because we present ourselves in a way that’s not in alignment with what he can offer. Click To Tweet

Why I’m sharing this with you is because when I met Michael, he was asking me about my photos. He wanted to know about that image of me in the long black dress. I didn’t understand why he was asking me at the time, but now this all makes perfect sense and he explained it. He said that after he started dating me, he was concerned that he wouldn’t be able to give me what I wanted with the long black dress that was on my dating profile. When he looked at that, what he saw was a woman who probably wanted to go and expected to go to black tie events, to charity balls, to functions that would support that dress. It’s interesting how he interpreted that photo and how I was interpreting it. He was willing to give me what he had, but he didn’t think that what he had was what I wanted because it looked like that picture I wanted to be escorted to black tie events. Maybe I wanted to live a certain lifestyle and he had already done those things and he wasn’t interested in attending any more charity events. He wasn’t interested in going to any more black tie events per se.

I thought that was fascinating and I’m glad that we had that discussion. Why I’m telling you this is I want you to take a look at your profile pictures and to step into being the queen and being the receiver. The most important thing is to be able to hold that space to receive everything that a man is offering you. You want to make sure your profile pictures are in alignment with what you want to receive. I would say that mine was pretty close. It demonstrated that I could accompany him to a black tie event, but he was definitely concerned that I was still in a space in my life where that was important to me. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t. I wasn’t in a space in my life because I’d already done those things as well. I’d done the charity events at the school functions and the black-tie fundraisers and all of those things that I don’t necessarily feel the need to attend those anymore. I have other philanthropic endeavors that I would rather pursue like a sporting event, Standup for the Cure or the Breast Cancer Walk for Awareness. Those are things that I would enjoy over a black-tie event.

I’m encouraging you to take another look at your profile pictures and make sure that they’re connected to what it is that you want from a man that you’re willing to receive. If you have some images there that don’t represent your lifestyle, then I would go ahead and take those down or swap them out for something that does. The man that has something to offer, your king, if he’s ready to give it to you, it’s a match for what those images are portraying because those images do send a big message all on their own. Without your ability to verbally articulate what the image represents, he is not going to be able to make that connection unless you have the opportunity to talk with him in person like I did with Michael. That’s a connection that I made with Alison’s interview that would be relevant to those of you who are online dating or even being out in the world. Be true to who you are, to what you love to do. Be authentic and the right man for you will show up and offer you what he can provide in terms of your lifestyle.

EAA 19 | Attracting The Right Man

Attracting The Right Man: Be authentic and the right man for you will show up and offer you what he can provide in terms of your lifestyle.

 

The other thing is I love Cherry Norris. She is single now after being married. She went through a divorce and she’s incredible the way that she’s done her work. She’s walking her walk. She’s dating, using all of her own tools to show up. The biggest thing that stood out is what she said is to be receiving what he’s offering and how she shares little on a first date because she’s holding that space to see how he’s going to show up. That is exactly what I teach and that’s what I recommend all of you do. The keys to a successful first date is engage in the present moment. Stay in the moment. Here’s a tip and a tool on how you can do that. I use all my senses in the now to help me stay present in the moment. When I was on a date and what I recommend that you do when you’re on dates is to anchor yourself in your chair. Draw your attention to your body. Feel it pressing down into your chair. Feel your arms as they sit on the arms or in your lap. Feel the weight of your clothes. Notice what you smell in the restaurant. If you’re having wine or coffee, tune into that.

Tune into the sounds of the other people that are talking around you. Tune into what’s on the table, what your date is wearing, what he’s saying specifically. Tune in and listen to him not that you’re waiting for your turn to talk, but just so you’re listening to him. He’s going to pick up on that. There’s a big difference between waiting for your turn to talk and listening to what a man is saying. If you’re able to hold that space in that present moment using all of your faculties to do that, you will bring much more presence to the date. It’s incredible when you use these tools to stay self-aware and in the moment. That’s where all your power is. You have an opportunity to make a deep connection with another person, with a man, if you can stay rooted in your body and in the be here now. That’s why we use our body. Our body is our anchor. It’s our guidance system to the present moment and I think you’re going to have a lot of success with that.

There was one question that one of the ladies sent me. I wanted to talk about it. This woman was dating a man for about nine months and she said he was a real gentleman the entire time. He’d been honest, forthright, kind to her, desiring to be married, and consistently very much a gentleman. She said that she wasn’t physically attracted to him at all and that he enjoyed intimacy. She couldn’t get past it and she broke up with him so that he could find someone else and be truly happy. She wanted to know if I’d experienced that or have you known other women that have experienced that? Absolutely. What I wanted to turn that around at the end that she said that she wanted to let him go so that he could find happiness. What about you? What about you finding happiness? That was great that you were thinking of him, but thinking of yourself as well. Ultimately, you need that compatibility in and out of the bedroom. It’s important to have that connection in all areas. It is a huge factor in a relationship. It’s good that you have this experience because it’s giving you the opportunity to know how important it is and to not make those sacrifices for nine months again in your next relationship.

I always say the more you know what you don’t want, the more you know what you do want. There was a real meaningful purpose that nine-month relationship served in her life. The only thing that I would recommend is to shorten that gap. Don’t take nine months to honor yourself and recognize that it’s not working on all levels. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with either of you, you were just not connecting on that level. You’re not going to connect with everyone on that level and you don’t need to. You only need to connect with one. Ending that relationship as soon as you know that it’s not a fit. Sometimes we do get into intimate sexual relationships after dating and courting for several months and we have to test the waters and see if that’s going to be a full package, a full fit. Sometimes, unfortunately it’s not.

The important thing though is to give you permission to not beat yourself up for that and to acknowledge that you’ve learned a lot about yourself in that process and that a lot of good has come into your life because of those lessons. Jack Canfield says, “Tell the truth fast and hard.” As soon as you know your personal truth, you want to share that with someone. You want to share it with a feather. As soon as she knew that wasn’t going to be something for the bigger picture, the next step would be to set that responsible communication with him. Come from the heart. Share with him that it wasn’t a fit for you and wish him well and be on your way. Tomorrow’s not promised so we have this moment and we want to make the most of it.

The more you know what you don't want, the more you know what you do want. Click To Tweet

As soon as you know your truth, you want to be able to articulate that to the people you’re sharing your life with, especially in the dating process. It’s okay to text a man after a date saying, “Thank you so much. I don’t feel we’re a match. Good luck on your journey,” and go ahead and block him. You’re not obligated to even do that, but it’s a courtesy that you will extend to these men and hopes to get that in return. Sometimes they won’t get back to you and let you know that you’re not a match, but no response is a response. If you don’t hear from a man, it’s his way of saying, “It’s not a match,” and I know that seems unfair and it’s not kind, but men are wired to not hurt our feelings. Don’t take it personally. Move on. The important thing is to not give up. Don’t take a break. Don’t take a timeout. It’s not a sprint, it’s more of a marathon. You’ve got to keep momentum to your dating process. You don’t have to run full out, you want to keep up a steady pace, discovering the information on your dates and starting to apply the information. That’s the key.

The application of the information you’re discovering on the interviews is the key because you’ve probably heard a lot of these amazing speakers before. Maybe you’ve heard me say the same thing as before and you’ve heard other people say it and you’ve read it and you’ve acquired a lot of intellectual knowledge. The key to your success and to getting Engaged at Any Age® is the application of what you’re learning here. Make sure that you take these nuggets and apply them where they’re appropriate so that you can start seeing the results. These experts are speaking from experience and the strategies do work, but you have to work them. You have to take those steps. I’m sending you all a big kiss, a whole lot of love, to never give up on your dreams and never give up on love because you never know when it’s going to happen to you. It could be tomorrow. Join my community on Facebook by joining my Bridge to Love Group!

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Please join our Bridge to Love Facebook community to be a part of the conversation and receive support!” Click here to receive support now!

Like these videos! You can find more by joining my Engaged at Any Age® YouTube channel now!

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